Frequently Anticipated Questions

Yeah, so what? So people aren't flooding my inbox with thousands of stupid questions. That doesn't mean that I can't anticipate them.

Watch me.

Q: Why do you constantly refer to yourself as a genius?

A: Because everybody else does. Sarcastic assholes.

Q: Don't you think that is arrogant?

A: I can't help it if I am better everybody else, it's just my nature, for example: Would it be arrogant of you to crap your pants? No, of course it wouldn't, it's just your nature, it's like saying that ham is really beef. It's just a statement of fact.

Q: Geez, you really are arrogant.

A: That's not a question. Questions only please.

Q: Are you a Republican?

A: Yes - absolutely, Fuck Jesus Christ.

Q: So then you are gay?

A: That isn't how you phrase a question butthole. But YES!! I am a fucking queen!! --- No you idiot, of course I'm not gay. I'm a Republican remember? I hate fags.

Q: Seriously, are you a Republican?

A: If you hate Republicans then yes I am, now get off my property before I introduce you to the angry end of my 30-30 you homo.

Q: Dude, it's a simple question, are you now, or have you ever been ---- a member ------- of the Republican party?

A: Uhhhh --- ummmmmm errrrrrr --------- hmmmmmmnnn ------ sssssssssss ---- uuuuuuh ---- ummmm, well ----- uhhhhhh ---- ahhhhhhhhhh . No. You. Idiot.

Q: Are you a Democrat?

A: Listen douchebag, if you have to ask these stupid questions maybe you should just stick with the non-thinking, irrational, partisan, mental rat trap to which your lemming-like can is securely glued. Individual rational thought might not be for you. Now stop eating your boogers.

Q: Do you hate Black people and fags?

A: No, but I like how you group them together like a tossed salad in a big bowl, hand me the Ranch dressing -- nice work.

Q: Seriously dude, don't be so fucking pretentious, answer some questions directly, nobody is laughing at your lame attempts to be "shocking". Are you a racist?

A: Maybe, sometimes, I know that you'd like me to just say yes or no, but I'm not trying to win any popularity contests here. I am an Individualist by the most strict definition which means that I accept people based on individual merit. I refuse to limit my thoughts to the point where I am unable to participate in rational scientific discussion. I prefer to remain open to the idea that groups of human beings as divided into races and genders merit scrutiny and discussion. Diversity entertains me, I am fully aware that every individual is unique and I am not beyond the discussion that races might have unique qualities too. I am also fully aware that calling a white dude racist is like calling a black dude nigger, and I seek to neutralize both terms and get on with a discussion that is actually interesting.

Q: so you ARE a racist!

A: Only if you're a nigger.

Q: Holy shit, YOU ARE EVIL!!

A: Questions only please. This is your last warning.

Q: How can you live with yourself?

A: Geez, you really are hung up on that racist question aren't you? Listen, I'll put it to you another way since you obviously struggle with paradox. My Individualism allows for the open discussion of race -- it's limitations and advantages, why are there more Black basketball stars? Why are there so many Jewish doctors lawyers and accountants? Why are White people so obviously superior and angelic? I am willing to discuss these things -- so sue me. But to satisfy your hunger for a petty sound bite, -- here it goes ---- all political public policy should benefit individuals of any fucking color, not groups. Fuck you and your stupid race. I don't give a fuck about YOUR particular race unless you are telling jokes or holding a microscope and a beaker full of an alcoholic Navajo indian's pee.

Q: Is that your final answer?

A: Sweeping generalizations = FUN. Specifics = SNORE.

Q: Is that your final answer?

A: Is that your final answer?

Q: Dude, that "WHITE POWER" stuff isn't funny even if you're joking. --- OOOUCH!! Hey, why did you punch me in the neck?

A: I warned you, your job is to ask questions.

Q: Well you didn't have to break my adams apple --- OWWW HEY, Knock it off!!

A: See that "Q" in front of everything you say? -- it stands for "QUESTION" not "QUEER" so stop acting like a fag and ask some more questions.

Q: OK -- I got one: Are you really an Atheist?

A: Yes.

Q: But isn't that stupid? Don't you mean that you're agnostic? I thought you were smart, you have no proof that there is no god. --- Wait wait wait -- hold on -- don't punch me -- uh ---- I meant, can you prove that there is no god?

A: Fine. Have it your way. No I cannot -- but YOU cannot prove that I'm not god, so if you insist that god might actually exist you MUST accept the fact that I might be that very same god. YOUR GOD. Therefore you are hereby commanded to do whatever I say and then take the blame -- it's just my way --- or as you would have it -- "Gods" way. Now BOW BEFORE ME dickwad. I AM GOD.

Q: Do you sell your paintings?

A: Thanks for changing the subject. No. I might do a commission. Ask.

Q: Why do you always wear those stupid white Payless shoes?

A: Because the only other people that wear them are homeless people, retards and old people and since I would never even consider hanging out with the likes of any of them, I'm the only one wearing them and people don't dare to copy me. They know they would be chided as I often am. Besides, they're so cheap that they are disposable, I buy them by the dozen. Until I figure out a way too make my own diposable shoes -- I'll stick with them and still be cooler than you.

Q: Why do you use such awful language?

A: I don't, cursing is fucking terrible and I refuse to lower myself by doing it.

Q: Do you hate animals?

A: That depends on how you cook them.

Q: Do you hate homeless people?

A: No, children and retards need someone to pick on too.

Q: Do you really have 17 brothers and sisters?

A: No, I have one full sister, eight half brothers and sisters and 9 step brothers and sisters otherwise known as "invaders". -- 18 total including me.

Q: Is that because you are a Mormon and your parents are polygamists?

A: No, It is because my parents we're better at divorce than marriage. But you have to admit that polygamy is pretty effin cool. But yes, I am a Mormon. They never officially kicked me out so I guess I can still do all the magic. --- Why -- do you want me to bless you?

Q: How did you like growing up in Utah?

A: You are really starting to bore me.

Q: How do you know all those famous people?

A: It's not my choice, I can't get rid of them, they are all trying to be exactly like me.

Q: How come you aren't famous?

A: I'm lazy. --- it's time for my nap. You have to leave.