merkley???: I May Not Be God, But at Least I'm Real.: How Things Work Around Here

February 12, 2005

How Things Work Around Here

I am the somewhat benevolent dictator in these parts. My website ain't no god darn democracy. Before you post some fairy dick comment, consider the following.

1. Short comments are rad. Long comments are gay.

2. Comments must include at least one of the following words: Poop, Boob, Boobies, Fart, Weenie, Hoohaa, Butt, Finger, Neck, Turd, Retard, Fag, Negro, Chachi, Honkey, Duck, Dingleberry, Boner, Hole, Nutts, Encephalitis, Homo, Pee, Roundhouse or Grandpa.

3. Comments must *not* include any of the following words: Fiscal, Institutional, Hegemony, Imperial, Global, Homey, Fascist, Sanguine, Preventable, Quagmire, or Dorito --- unless they are directly partnered with any of the words from item 2 -- for example: Fiscal Negro, Institutional Dingleberries, Preventable Grandpa, Global Homo, Fascist Boner.... you get the picture.

4. This Website is here for MY enjoyment.

5. Do not attempt to change my personality. I've had it my whole life and I don't need, want, or care about what you think of it unless you agree with me that -- it is perfect the way it is.

6. Do not teach me philosophy. If you want to teach a philosophy course, set up your own blog and I might visit it and leave an awesome comment about how fat Michael Moore is -- holy shit that guy is fat.

7. Comments on grammar and spelling are appreciated although they are likely to be deleted so that I can maintain my image of perfection.

8. Make sure to read the fine print at the bottom of the main page. It's really rad.

9. Anyone that would follow any stupid comment rules is probably a boring slug. Say whatever the fuck you want. Like I give a shit.

HA HA --- I just wasted your time.

Oh yeah, Non-confoming comments will probably be deleted.

That's all for now.
Happy commenting --- homo.

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

Alex Blagg is a gaywad.

But Merkley, shouldn't this, like all blogs, be a place where really clever and snarky Shangri-La-dwelling shut-ins come and lord their superior knowledge of all human experience over anyone who happens to make the mistake of being brave enough to put a concrete opinion out into the world?

Dingleberries.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:56 AM

szugye@xmission.com is a gaywad.

FUCK YOUR RULES!

Listen here buddy, if you edit any of my words, I will come to your
house and piss on your lousy pretentious art and tag your mutherfuckin
house; you racist, sexist, ugly, and xenophobic snot nosed fucking
mormon. Fuck your "enjoyment," I have my own enjoyment to consider.
And speaking of your "artwork." OH, how shocking it is to see that
you use anti-mormon symbolism to show your distain for mormons and what
they stand for. You're like an art _ _ _ who tries to "push the
envelope." And what is this _ _ _ _ about you being the ultimate
"bullshit detector?" I am the RULER, when is comes to detecting
bullshit.

What the fuck was that first comment about? The comment written by
Dingleberries. It's not "brave," to "put a concrete opinion out
into the world." I quess I would be the bravest person on the face of
the earth. I'm not brave, I'm just stupid. But, my artwork is
something to be admired, because it is unique, and honest, unlike Mr. Merkley's
crap. AND FUCK ANYONE WHO DOESN'T LIKE IT!

P.S. Look how "brave" I am, I put my real email on this shitty ass
blong thing. http://www.szugye.com

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:29 AM

Alex Blagg is a gaywad.

how deep does the rabbit hole go?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:15 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

See? Now Mr. Blagg used the word "hole" IN CONTEXT and not just as an add on. So he gets an "A".

Mr. Szugye barely avoided deletion by quoting the sign off of Mr. Blagg's earlier comment -- "Dingleberries", although I suspect it was an accident. Also it was a little long and included the word "xenophobic" which is not represented on the list of banned words in letter form but clearly represented in spirit.

Szugye gets a C- because he is a weener.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:52 PM

Billy Bunks is a gaywad.

Whilst recently fucking around with my mouse like the sanguine fag that I clearly am NOT, I came across this ‘Merkley’ so and so’s writings etc. and in the course of perusing it, picked 1 x booger and flicked it into the otherwise empty rubbish bin which is owned by the place I work for and is situated by my feet.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:45 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

billy,
that is exactly the kind of behavior that i can fully support.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:00 PM

BillyBunks is a gaywad.

Thanks for the support, but hey, you supportive asshole, shouldn’t this; ‘… they are directly partnered with any of the words from item 5..’ read ‘…unless they are directly partnered with any of the words from item 2 ..’ ? Unless you truly want them (i.e us) to partner those forbidden words with any of these words: Do, not,attempt, to,change, my, personality, I've, had, it, my, whole, life, and, don't, need, want, or, care, about, what, you, think, of, it, unless, agree, with, me, that, is, perfect, the, or way. (i.e item 5).
I don’t think this falls under grammar, but it may fall under spelling (item 1, I mean 7), as you may have misspelled ‘2’ as ‘5’, and if this is the case, Merkley, may Charles Bronson’s zombie copy one of your paintings and sell it for less than you failed to sell the / your original.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:05 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Billy,
once again you were right! Thanks for pointing out my complete stupidity and that of all the others that read these rules and failed to report such an obvious and retarded error.

The rules have been fixed thanks to an australian rap star!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:23 AM

Kayla is a gaywad.

Merkly, I am a bitch and I'll admit it. Go the fuckin' bitches! But I personaly didn't have a very big problem with your website. You dont like animals. But it does not sound like you are out there harming LIVING CREATURES that have done nothing to you. Except the mice, I am sorry but I applaude people against the whole mouse and rat thing. But I am a horse person. I have been around horses all my life and that is MY personality. So I also think it's awsome you stand by your opinion. But I just want to let others out there know to fuck themselvs, because I WILL find someway to disturb someone who is only jealous because a horse has a bigger cock than them. Cause thats WHY most people 'hate' horses. :-D But yes go bitches.
Please e - mail me anyone if you have a problem with my pointing out the fact your jealous of a horse for having a larger brain *or penis* than you.
Naiadmountain@lissamail.com

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:36 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

kayla,

a joke. it's a joke.

don't be a retard.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:51 PM

Kayla is a gaywad.

No, your website is a joke, I know. Im not insulting you or your website when I say that. I posted here because every other god forsaken site with their 'opinion' on that of how they hate horses and their graphics etc., and how their blogs have been closed. Mmmhmm. For those people I want to say I am a bitch and fuck you, dont harm other INNOCENT animals, because every living thing is an animal. That does not exclude people, whether it is on what they are classified as or in their fucking nature. Such as Dog Food Dale, what kind of shitty name evne if your just posting is that. And for a lot of people hating horses is just a joke, posting it on a site. But beleive me, my little 'gang' of haters, we've beat the shit out of more people that dont have anything agaist horses other than they want one damn it, or they just dont understand them. Its like my shit with sharks. Im afraid of them, and so I hate them. and that is why most people are afraid of horses. They are large animals that have been known to do some awful things, but that is not just one animal standing for the whole breed and species. I have been kicked, drug, stepped on, thrown, bitten, and have had several ribs broken, wrists, arms, leg, you name it I've broke it just about and because of horses but I still dont hate them because they are dumb animals, but they have more common sense than you can imagine. I've seen a horse go to a man because he was crying, CRYING, hunched down in the corner ofa horse pasture because his daughter had DIED. His horse came to him and put its head in his chest, even though the man had beaten him several several times, starved it, and hell he'd even shot it a few times with a gun. But that horse still came to him because it knew he was in pain! Trust me though the horse hadn't forgotton who the guy was, his eyes were rolling and he was just about having a heart attack but he still came to him. Merkley I am sorry for taking up the space of your blog but I want everyone out there to read this because I know most of you do not hate horses, you either fear or envy them. SO SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS! "Your shaking because you hate them so much" YOur shaking because your so AFRAID of them duechbags! But Im "shaking so much because I hate sharks because they are so fucking evil and blah blah blah blah blah blah " Its like saying I hate merkley because of the way he looks, when I dont even know what he looks like. Its stupid to hate horses so much, aight. Go hate something that you do understand, like Satan.
And umm, my shrink says Im not retarded, Im mentaly confused ;-)

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:47 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

kayla,

smell what i'm waving under your nose?

they're smelling salts.

wake up!

the horse blog is a JOKE. a buddy of mine and i made it in about an hour. nobody hates horses. IT'S A JOKE!!

i'm glue factory bob as well as rachelle in the comments section, my buddy alex is dog food dale.

J o k e.

now again, i must implore you, DON'T BE A RETARD!

otherwise i might have to make another site about how much we HATE retards using you as our primary focus.

also, there is no easter bunny, santa claus, or jesus. sorry to disappoint.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:55 AM

Professor Leotus Clouse & The Duke of Sweet Cheeks is a gaywad.

This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:24 PM

Anonymous is a gaywad.

Hey Merkley?? I am your cousin, Jonathan Merkley (minus the ???'s) Crane. I'm pretty sure we met once when we were kids, just once when you and your dad were in Tacoma, Wa. I was around 12, you must have been around 7 or 8. I'm 44 now so that was long ago. Just wanted to say What's up?.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:20 PM

Anonymous is a gaywad.

I dont have a blog ID, that why I'm using anonymous.. In fact I just talked with your dad on the phone a few weeks ago when I was at my mom (your aunt's) house. She showed me your brotehrs DVD and your dad's new book. pretty cool.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:24 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

hey jonathan,

wow -- fancy seeing you here.

yeah i'm just doing my best to turn our proud heritage into a bunch of juvenille vulgarity --- i have to say that it is with a mix of pride and horror to think that the merkley clan stumbles in here to read about poop this -- booger that -- eff word this and eff word that ---- but hey

cue music

I JUUUUSSST GOTTA BE MEEEEEEEEE!!!

anyway, yeah, last ime i talked to your mom was about 13 years ago, we chatted on the phone for a few minutes and then at the end of the month i got phone bill for over ten grand --- apparently some mix up in the system made it seem like we had a continual one month long phone conversation, believe it or not, the phone company maintained for a few days that it was actually possible that i like my aunt THAT much.

dont show her my website --- please dear god no.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:32 PM

Anonymous is a gaywad.

Don't worry, I wont show her! Glad to see you are doing well. Take it easy. Jon

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:35 AM

Anonymous is a gaywad.

Read your comment at blurbomat, Merkley. Spot-on, and funny as hell. Now go turd-fondle yourself, would ya?

BoatSailor, anonymous only 'cause I ain't registered...

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:55 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

boatSailor,
thanks pal. nine times out of ten when i hear someone yelling and screaming about racism, the only horse they have in the game is their own daftly groomed and promoted public image as a completely non-racist saint.

i'm actually not afraid of racism all that much. so long as the law protects individuals, i don't give a fuck how anyone else talks or feel about anyone. sticks and stones type shit. pretty basic.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:39 PM

Marisa Olson is a gaywad.

Poop on my Dorito Boobies and call me Grand[m]a, you & Dog Food Dale sure are hard to reach! I just wanted to let you know about this:

http://linkoln.net/abeandmosingtheblogs/2005/12/i-fucking-hate-horses.html

kisskiss

ps my word verification word ended in bbq.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:39 PM

Fulminatia is a gaywad.

who made you the little hitler of this site, no rules , so therefore I just ellabrorate in here , I know how much you hate it,no blasfemie, no cursing ,nada bad language , now that is dissapointing is it not?
for the rest have aball party till ya poop bla bla,

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:03 AM

123 is a gaywad.

you are insulting ,behaving like a pig, no manners what so ever ,your wife smell like a throg. so fat lip to you .do bend over and c y in court, warthdog.
Love you till the bonehead.xxx
See y this weekend at the PForum
guesss that was it , thanks for the outlet on the internet highway , its hard to find a toilet between al the banners and skyscrapers.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:33 PM

Monkey is a gaywad.

Diggin' those pictures!!!!

Duck.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:01 AM