I AM NUMBER 1!!

If you search just "merkley" on Yahoo, I am the number one result! That's right, move over dad, move over Parry, move over you Merkley Elementary School and Merkley headgear, I am the most popular Merkley on the globe!!! HA HA HA HA!!! Geez, maybe I sould consider breeding, I could realistically take over the planet. You guys are all fucked --- er, I mean --- lucky --- I mean --- shit --- good news for everyone when I take over.

My deal with the devil is working --- and how.

Alright, so I'm only in sixth place on Google -- so what. You just wait until I start writing about sex with monkeys, dolphins and shoes --- I'll be number one then for sure.

Oooh -- and recipies -- I'll start posting recipies, people like good recipies, especially recipies for casserole or destruction --- huh? huh? see? That's how the brain of a genius operates. Take note losers.

First, I'll be the number one merkley, then the number one handsome person, then the number one human being, then the number one organism of all time. THAT'S IT!! ----- I want *my* name to come up as number one when you search the words "number one organism of all time". You just wait. It'll work, give it a few weeks for the Google robots to find this post and you'll see, and then you and the rest of your inferior loser oganism buddies will know who is in charge and you will all proclaim "merkley??? is the number one organism of all time".

but I don't want fame -- I just want huge money and a few more extra chicks. -- How am I gonna swing that? ---- oh. I got it. PORN. --- oh and NASCAR.

Oh shit, I really am a genius --- CAR WRECKS!! -- just car wrecks, people love'em.

oooooooooohhh



oooooooowww



mmmmmmmmmm!



aaaawwww.

And don't any of you asslips try to steal my idea by putting "the greatest organism of all time" on your stupid website. I thought of it first. --- just you check the copyright symbol at the bottom of this page. It means that I can clobber you with a sack of oranges if you so much as THINK of trying to usurp my birthright as "THE NUMBER ONE ORGANISM OF ALL TIME™"

Ha! Now it's trademarked and all it took was ctrl-2. I'm so lucky to be tthe greatest organism of all time. It helps with stuff like that.

Enough.

Fuck off.