Chilled Poodle Jizz

Fancy Restaurant: Hi merkley???, I'm a fancy restaurant, remember me?

merkley???: Yes. I remember you. Now go away.

Fancy: Geez, fer ruuuude.

???: It's not rude. You're not even a person. You don't have feelings and I don't like you so scram.

Fancy: But you always visit me with your friends, and you seem like you are having a good time.

???: That's because I made an agreement with myself not to be a party pooper and because I am a good actor and I like THEM, MY FRIENDS, not you, so please, make like a frozen banana and stick yourself up your own butt.

Fancy: I don't believe you, how could you not like me? Everybody likes a fancy restaurant. Fancy food, nice atmosphere and flattering lighting with waiters to wait on you...

???: Listen fruitcake, I have all of those things at my house, and besides, your food is stupid. Fucking cold carrot foam soup and three microscopic strips of dick steak is a stupid meal no matter how tall you stack it in the middle of an enormous white plate.

Fancy: That's called presentation and if you weren't so low class, you'd appreciate it. -- Hey, what are you doing? Stop that!

???: Here. How's that for presentation? Eat THAT.

Fancy: I'm not eating your turd.

???: But I placed it upright, smack dab in the middle of the giant white plate and squirted little fancy squirts of pee around it. It even spells "Fuck Off You Homo Restaurant" in french. What were you saying about presentation?

Fancy: Presentation will not make a turd taste good.

???: Thank you for finally agreeing with me. Why don't you tell that to my friends. Now will you please leave? You are starting to act like one of your annoying waiters. BEAT IT!! YOU ARE INTERRUPTING!!

Fancy: Come on, you can't say that you don't like me, you're just saying all this because you are cheap or poor. OW!! What the fuck? Why did you just cut off my balls?

???: I thought you might like some desert. Yeah -- you're right, it has NOTHING to do with the fact that I have to sit at a stupid, uncomfortable table for four billion years waiting for gay ass "CREATIVE" food made by some asshole chef who is really just laughing at all the brainless shitheads who fall for his stupid food stacking scam. And IT has NOTHING at all to do with the fact that I have to pretend to enjoy some asshole waiter coming around and touching my glass every ten seconds -- I just LOOOOVE it when I have to stop a conversation for some dickface who hates his job and if I'm not super nice to him he'll just wipe a booger on my braised turnip cube anyway -- yeah, you're right. I just love being held hostage by a dumb waiter.

Fancy: You just haven't been to a really good fancy restaurant.

???: Yeah that's it, I've never been to a ten billion star restaurant --- LISTEN FAGGOT, I LIKE NACHOS! AND THAT IS ALL! So unless you can start piling tons and tons of really super yummy food with tons and tons of flavor and texture like carne asada, refried beans with tons of lard, jalapenos, guacamole, cilantro, three different kinds of fresh salsa, crispy corn chips and melted gooey cheese all the way to the EDGE of the plate with a little even FLOWING OVER and you are able to do it in less than 2 minutes right in front of my face where I can see the kitchen and your amazing nacho craftsmanship -- I have nothing more to say to you. --- NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE you overpriced pretentious piece of crap.

Fancy: I'm outta here, you're a dick. Have a nice time with your nachos you low class dolt.

???: Hey wait! Come back!

Fancy: What?

???: Don't you want to try this Restaurant Balls Gelato? I made it with YOUR balls.

Fancy: Mmmm -- yummy -- what's this sauce --- tastes like --- ummm?

???: It's Chilled Poodle Jizz. I knew you'd like it.

Fancy: Yummm yumm gobble gobble.

The End.

Now here is a picture of my sexy friend Emily Hughes. She is a talented artist and clothing designer and also a member of the Yard Dogs Road Show in which she does extremely sexy burlesque-esque type carvorting and seducing. Next time I see her, I will convince her to show a little more skin for some fantastic photos. -- but wow, what a face.

That's all for now!
don't get caught examining things you found under your nuttsack!
Your low class bitch,
merkley???