If I Was Cheetos™ Cheese Dust

If I was the San Francisco Giants, I would fire all the dudes and hire humongous bitches and then legally change my name to The San Francisco Va-Giants.

If I was a vagina, my favorite music would be Cuntry.

If I was the dead Pope, I would still give my weekly address, only I'd give it to the critters that are nibbling on my brain, wiener and feet. My message would be about pooping where you eat, because bugs will eat, then poop right there on the spot. Probably, some smart ass bug would say something about "Pope Poop" and all the other bugs would snicker. Then I'd remember the good old days when nobody was eating and pooping my brain and calling me "Pope Poop" TO MY FACE!!.

If I was a midget's chubby little fingers I would definitely avoid Cheetos™. Can you imagine little midget fingers covered in Cheetos™ Cheese dust? How could ANYONE not gobble them up immediately?

If I was Cheetos™ Cheese dust, I would sneak into a crop duster and dust myself all over San Francisco. People and fags would come out of their homes to an orange snow storm. They'd make gay looking Cheetos™ Cheese dust angels and everybody would lick each other and everything in sight except for vegans who would complain about "cheese and chemicals and George Bush's Corporate - Cheetos™ - Cheese - Dust - Halliburton - Conspiracy bullshit. Basically, it would be just like every other day in SF except covered in yummy cheese dust. YAY!!

If I was an egg I would seriously think to myself: "I resemble a gooey yellow eyeball swimming in fresh snot. I come out of a dirty chicken's vagina. I often smell like a fart. I even load up with little white squiggly fetus things -- sometimes even with a little blood on them. What the fuck? Is there nothing that will gross people out enough to stop eating me?" But then my mind would wander and I'd think: "Humpty Dumpty --- what a retard."

If I was former pro wrestler, turned Playboy model, turned Surreal Life cast member, turned porn star --- Chyna's adams apple, I would be trying to breathe really really quietly hoping that nobody found me hiding in her clitoris.

WARNING!

DO NOT CLICK THAT CLITORIS LINK UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO SEE AN UP CLOSE PICTURE OF CHYNA'S ACTUAL ADAMS APPLE SIZED CLITORIS!!
should I have put this warning BEFORE the link?

Now here's a picture I took of my friend Gwen Stefani sporting her brand new Merkley??? tattoo. It's all the rage.

That's all for now!
Dont get caught Picking and Flicking!
Your sexy lover,
merkley???