If I Was a Hilarious Racial Slur...
If I was the greatest cover band of all time, I would only have cute japanese members and we'd only do covers of songs by The Gap Band. We'd call ourselves The Jap Band.
If I was the most successful cover band of all time, I would call myself The Ramolling Stones and the only concern I'd have would be whether or not I was gonna be Mick or Joey. Douchebags of all variety would rock out to my suckiness. I would make money.
If I was The Jap Band, I might consider doing some Zapp covers as well.
If I was a bald Irish female negro singer who nobody ever thinks about anymore, I'd call myself Sinead O'COONer. Ha ha COON -- what an awesome racial slur, almost as good as Gook.
If I was that last joke, I would have been funny in 1989. ----- OK --- maybe not. Fuck off.
If I was a good way to end the conversation when everybody starts lying about how they actually know a girl named Merry Christmas or a dude named Dick Wiener I would probably start out saying I knew a kid named Butthole Wormpoop Assbooger.
If I was one of the dudes underneath those long chinese dragons you see at parades, I would try to make sure that I bargained my way into the postion where the dragons penis would be. During the parade I would fixate on all the wrong lady dragons causing my dragon to make some very stupid decisions. But then I'd probably be in big trouble later that day when the dude who played the dragons right hand tried to choke me and give me a full body massage.
If I was a Coma, I would change my name to Golf or Baseball just to avoid any lawsuits about false advertsing.
Lovely blinking images courtesy of Blink-O-Rama.
Now, here's a picture I took of my sexy friend Lisandra Ochoa. She Designs some very well made, very seductive handbags that almost make me wish I was a chick or a fag. Stop by and buy one for yourself or your girlfriend or your homo lover.