merkley???: I May Not Be God, But at Least I'm Real.: Happy Tickle Party!! YAAAAY!!

May 11, 2005

Happy Tickle Party!! YAAAAY!!

Yippee!! Another audio post done in MY voice Exactly how I talk EVERYDAY ALL DAY!! And all I had to do was call in on a public pay phone from the park.

But for those of you poor pathetic souls with jobs that don't allow swearing. I have transcribed the audio post exactly as I said it. Aren't you GLAD??!!

begin fucking audio:

Hello everybody! How's it going? It's time for a good audio post because I'm in a great mood.

Ya wanna know why? Because I'm alllways in a good mood. I'm the happiest guy in the whole universe of planets always and constantly and forever and ever.

Hey look, sunshine is coming out of my pants!

Heeeyy, what's that? A duck? A cute little baby duck? And its coming out of my butt? WOW -- I must be super duper happy for that to happen ---

Hey, now my Weener is singing, let's have a listen,

"I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and GAY!!"

Ha Ha -- oops, don't say GAY Weener, say HAPPY, otherwise people might get the wrong idea and think we're faggots you and me, we wouldn't want that now would we? Faggots are sad! Because the only place where a faggot weener gets to go has a lot of poop smeared all over the place and poop is definitely NOT happy AT ALL... and we are happy!

Weener, hey, what's wrong Weener? Why are you droopy and frowny all of a sudden? What? You want me to tickle you? Oh thats a great idea. Tickles are FUN. But maybe we should wait until were not at the park on this great public pay phone. Sometimes, Weener, people get jealous when they see us playing together. Some people just aren't happy enough with themselves to join in the tickle party. Some people just loooove to call the cops when other people are having fun.

Jealousy is not fun.

Ooops, sorry folks, Weener and I got carried away in a conversation and we almost forgot about you!

Anyway, I just wanted to drop a line to let you all know how incredibly wonderfully happy I am all the time and I hope that you are really happy too. Hey, I got an idea, why don't you go and have a tickle party with your weener too! Or, for the girls, you can have a tickle party with your boner receptacle!

That's all for now!! don't get caught exploding with fun at the park!

The happiest man alive,
merkley???

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

Digitalicat is a gaywad.

You have very talented genitals. Can they dance, as well?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:03 PM

bryon is a gaywad.

I'll be the first to admit that this is a dumb comment, but holly crap that was funny ...

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:26 PM

Ben is a gaywad.

We all know I don't read the crap you write, I just scroll down for the picture... with posts like this, why the fuck do I even bother? I should have worn a condom that night with your mom, I knew nothing good would come of it.

Sincerely,

Your father

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:01 AM

bardot is a gaywad.

you make me wish i had a weener!

boner receptacles are high maintenance.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:20 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

digicat,
CAN WEENER DANCE??
Weener was the UTAH breakdance state champion of 1984. talk about doing the WORM -- Weener is a total natural.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:32 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Byron,
YAY! I'm glad you liked it. I think I might just hop on the phone EVERY TIME i feel so happy.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:33 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Imposter ben,
Wrong again! My real DAD wore 200 condoms the night i was conceived.

you cannot stop a motivated spermatazoa!

to this very day, latex disintegrates at the mere sight of me.

YOU'RE THE WORST FAKE DAD IMPOSTER IN THE HISTORY OF FAKES!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:38 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Bardot,
Maintenence? What, you need like a janitor down there?

What's the pay? I hear custodial work can be a very rewarding career.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:39 AM

Dashiell is a gaywad.

Bardot,

I'll trade with you.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:19 PM

rants in my pants is a gaywad.

Oh brother...that was the perfectly inappropriate thing to play for my office mates. Thank you. We all laughed and admitted that you are a funny man.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:36 PM

Ben is a gaywad.

Son,

The latex doesn't disintegrate at the mere sight of you, it disintegrates because it's been in your wallet, unused, for so long.

I swear, I don't know where you come up with this shit sometimes...

Sincerely,

Your father

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:30 PM

Billy is a gaywad.

Ha ha, 'Weiner'. That is such an American word.

Sorry Merkely, I'm all out of shit to say. I'll leave you with this email I just got at work. (Note the spelling of the word you would spell 'color', isn't it exotic)

Hi All,

I wish to advise that the hot water tank was leaking and has now been repaired. There may be some brownish water come through when the taps are first used. However, if the water is allowed to run for a short period it will clear and return to normal. The colour is from normal sediment from water which builds up in the bottom of the tank.

regards,
Kim

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 6:18 PM

Deleted is a gaywad.

pure genius.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:45 AM

Toms Thumb is a gaywad.

Things I Learned on my days off - (1 MCB Rocks. (2 I have a soft spot for homeless women - We were approched by this lady Wednesday nite in the city and she asked if we could spare some change, I quickly said,"No,you're just going to spend it on drugs or alcohol." Then my wife punched me in the neck and said,"Thats what we were going to do with it any way." So she gave her some money, and I found out about my soft spot for homeless women.(Its in my neck) (3 If you are smuggling a prostetic penis on an airplane leave your toothpaste at home.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:33 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Rants,
YAY!! office listening!

Thanks for stopping by.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:13 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Imposter Ben.

LIAR.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:13 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Billy,
Good luck with the poop water.

Kim is up to no good.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:14 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

MNM,
Thanks.
Yup, NASA engineers and I have an awful ot in common.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:15 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Thumb,
soft spot,
Good one,
Hey,why don't you post on your blog? Good stories shouldn't be wasted in a comments section. Post your shit. everytime I go there, there ain't shit but complaining about some guy named Bush somethin or other.

Who's that?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:18 AM

buttergun is a gaywad.

You sound like a gay David Cross.

If your ol' camarillo brillo is "high maintenance" you might see a doctor about that. Trading it for ET’s stinkfinger is like Lewis and Clark trading salmon for dog meat.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:27 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

buttergun,
don't knock dog meat.
but the salmon comparison was dead on.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:30 AM

buttergun is a gaywad.

Your acting like I said dog meat was a bad thing. Some people love dog meat. Can't get enough dog meat. Lewis and Clark for instance.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:26 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

butterfun,

well okay then.

i stand erected.

ha ha ha ha ha hHAHAHAHHA

holy shit -- did you hear me? -- i said ERECTED instead of CORRECTED -- and its so funny because we were talking about weeners which we then compared to dog meat -- and dog meat gets erections!

Sometimes i don't know how i do it.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:34 PM

Natalie is a gaywad.

is the sunshine coming out the front or the back side of your pants?

yes enough with the pudding, lets talk about the snakes.
snakes are lucky good omens.
i am a gypsy, and i know these things.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:44 PM

Toms Thumb is a gaywad.

So okay, I can take a hint.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:57 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

natalie,
ok, you caught me. it's not sunshine at all. it's just fart fumes and they are just kinda seeping out the back. hey! kinda like a SNAKE!! YAAAAAY for FART SNAKES!!!

thanks for stopping by.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:54 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

thumb,
that wasnt a hint. i just like having a reading list and there isn't ever anything on your blog. you can leave your stories here if you want. no skin off my nose.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:56 PM