"That's What I've Been Tryin' to Tell Yo Dumb Ass - Bitch!"

There is a phrase that gets stuck in my head on loop ever since I was about eighteen years old whenever I find myself doing mundane repetitive tasks like folding clothes, sweeping, weeding the garden, burying mutilated young corpses under the house etc...


I wish the phrase was something intelligent or profound. But it's not. I have no idea whatsoever started it or why my brain decided to settle on it. It's one of the dumbest phrases in the world. It is also the title of this post.

"That's what I've been trying to tell yo dumb ass --- bitch!"

and I say it over and over and over... like I said -- since I was about eighteen.

It's not like a tape loop or anything. Mostly it is said with a pretty bad American negro accent but it morphs around, the inflection changes, different words are emphasized. Sometimes it morphs into different people altogether: little girls, old men, robots, Satan, Jesus, my mother, some gay dude named Adam, Dennis Kucinich, Oprah... almost everyone gets the chance to say that phrase over and over again in my head until whatever task at hand is completed and I need my brain for something else. But honestly, It's usually the black dude.

Why don't I just let you hear an example. Inside my head, the characters are much more distinct but this will give you a good idea of what it's like when it gets really ridiculous.

Beware though -- I cannot be held responsible if it gets stuck in your head for the rest of your life too. YOU CAN'T SUE ME!

So there you go. If you didn't think that was funny, it's because it wasn't supposed to be ---- ASSHOLE.

Despite whatever bullshit you might be thinking, I don't think it makes me crazy. It doesn't bother me. As soon as I notice it, I am easily able start thinking of something else. If you are ever talking to me you don't need to wonder if it is looping in my head right then (well maybe if you are reeeeallly boring) In fact, even while it is looping during a mundane task, I find that I am also able to carry out other thoughts and ideas with ease. It's almost like background music.

Big fucking deal. You're all bored to death now.

The end.

Now here is another picture I took of my friend Emily Hughes.

We had just completed a silly shoot at my house and we were in a cab on our way to meet Maria and Kelly for dinner at The House of Nan King and then to see my friend Bridget Schwartz (who you must see live) perform at The Purple Onion with another comedian named Will Franken who blew me away with his completely unique style of comedy. His website leaves something to be desired, but I predict big things for him.

That's all for now.

Don't get caught vocalizing the voices in your head out loud in public!

Your Favorite Functioning Schitzo,
merkley???
and merkley???
and merkleeeey???
and merklaaaay???
and meerrroookklleeeey???
and meeeeerrrrooooptooppphhootttoollleeeeyy kkkkkkk. ???

help?
anyone else have a default phrase?