SideBar Free In 2003!

June 02, 2005

Celine Dion + Michael Jackson = Oh My Christ, I Have No Idea What The Fuck IT Equals.

I really have nothing to add to this.

That's all for now!

Don't get caught grabbing your vagina as if you had balls, as if you had balls! (on account of Michael Jackson grabbing his balls as if he had balls ( I love it when I explain jokes in parentheses (see that's funny because I was explaining why that was funny in parentheses within other parentheses (and here is one more just for fun (holy shit, it's like we are digging to China now (I'm getting cold (somebody give me a blanket ( it's getting dark in here ( see how the joke gets funnier? ( the reason is because each time I do the hilarious parentheses thing it's like I'm digging a deep hole ( holy shit somebody stop me)))))))))).

YAY! that was ten levels of parenthetical commentary for no reason whatsoever! (My previous record was four ( I routinely beat that record now ( I'll beat it right here ( that's funny on account of this post originally being about Michael Jackson ( get it? BEAT IT?)))))

where was I?

Oh yeah,

Your Parenthetical State Champ ("Parenthetics" being the sport),

merkley???

And another thing. don't bother telling me that my statements weren't actually parenthetical statements and that I just used parentheses where I should have used more appropriate punctuation because if I would have done that, I wouldn't have been able to write this "And Another Thing" part of this hilarious post about Celine Dion, Michael Jackson and retarded punctuation shit...

"Nice use of elipses dude."

"Who said that?"

"I don't know, you're the one writing this."

"Yeah but the quotation marks indicate someone other than me"

"You realize that this isn't funny -- right?"

"Totally."

"Well then knock it off."

"Ok."

"You didn't have to say Ok"

"I know"

"Just stop typing."

"I can't"

"Yes you can, you mean you WON'T"

"Holy fuck you are an Idiot"

"You too."

"A shot rings out in the Memphis skyiiiigh --- free at last -- they took his life --- but they could not take his priiiiiiiide --- in the naaaame ----- of loooooove --- one man -- in the name of love (I'm not sure what the lyrics are right there. Is it "man" or "heart"? (see, now that's funny on account of that one dude saying "you too" (get it? U2?)))

Cheesers Cripes I am annoying.

Btw... (I won't even use parentheses for this(I just did anyway)), the whole reason this post should have made you pee your pants with laughter is because the first thing I said was "I have nothing to add to this" and then I went ahead and gave you ten minutes worth of boring pointless reading. I certainly did ADD to it -- AND HOW!


I have been thinking about kittens since 11:28 AM
  36 people pooping on parties

FUCK FRANCINE!!:
Anonymous Wendy is a gaywad.

I think it might be: "One "more" in the name of love." "Keeping with the "sub plot" I am excessively using "parentheses".

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:10 PM
 

Anonymous Wendy is a gaywad.

Here..." " "...I forgot one.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:12 PM
 

Anonymous Wendy is a gaywad.

Wait, I meant "quotes" not ( ( ) )...

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:21 PM
 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

wendy,
I suppose "more" would make sense on account of the fact that the song is about people dying for shit that Bono thinks equals love.

HA! and it's hilarious that you called quotation marks "parentheses" thus giving me the opportunity to put quotation marks around the word parentheses (even though you already did it).

even my english teacher from high school would hate these jokes.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:22 PM
 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

holy crap, the fun never ends.

you corrected yourself and posted as i was posting.

aren't we just a couple of silly goats.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:24 PM
 

Blogger Digitalicat is a gaywad.

That video is the most disturbing thing I've seen since... well, since your previous post.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:31 PM
 

Anonymous Wendy is a gaywad.

Or, maybe we are a couple of silly "quotes". Ok, now I am just high on punctuation...

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:34 PM
 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

wendy,

what do you think our punishment should be for what we just did?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:35 PM
 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

digicat,

disturbing doesn't even begin to describe that video.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:36 PM
 

Anonymous Wendy is a gaywad.

Colons at ten paces...turn and shoot!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:40 PM
 

Blogger bardot is a gaywad.

parentheses are sooooo old school.

adding "..." unneccessarily is the way to go. so is being grammatically incorrect is cool.

p.s. celine dion. gross.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:03 PM
 

Blogger Deleted is a gaywad.

the overuse of punctation and poor sentence structure are always hilarious topics of discussion.

btw...why no cool pic?

and another thing...what kind of camera do you use?

hmmmm....that's all.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:41 PM
 

Blogger Deleted is a gaywad.

oh wait...one more thing (there is always one more thing...).

How do you get those nice, soft effects when you are using a flash? most flash photography looks overexposed.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:04 PM
 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

deleted,

i use a canon s400 -- just a consumer digi camera -- the fuzzy effects come from my personal relationship with satan.

oh -- and photoshop.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:20 PM
 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

bardot,

personally, i think the next big things are the [brackets].

asterisks are cool too.

backslash is far underrated as well \\\\\ look at those bad boys.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:22 PM
 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

wendy,

bang --- ow -- you totally shot me straight in the asterisk.

truly. i really should be punished again.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:24 PM
 

Blogger r/r is a gaywad.

schizophrenia's interesting but screw your semicolons

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:41 PM
 

Blogger B is a gaywad.

I always use parenthesis (honest) and '...' all the time and the '...' annoys me and I wish I didn't do it cos I hate it I hate it I hate it...

See? I just did it again WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME??? (oh and I love to type in caps cos it imitates the yelling and screaming going on in my mind as I write it)

By the way, you rock and I love reading you and sometimes you can be slightly funny. You're way betterer than Tucker Max, (who?)

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:43 PM
 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

rjennar,

ok -- semi-colons are gay. i admit it. but iceland is weird.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:21 AM
 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

billie,

yes, i am better than tucker and i'll tell you why. when i lie or stretch the truth for dramatic effect -- it is obvious -- that dude straight up lies and expects you to take it as the gospel.

his barf story is sooooooo fake.

but i will give him credit for one thing. tard-blog.com --- when he gave a forum for the writer named "riti sped" i never felt so glad that i learned to read.

tucker is fake.

thanks for rocking.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:25 AM
 

Blogger Gift From Virgo is a gaywad.

I'm sure you get this all the time, but I just had to say YOU ROCK! Your blog is now officially on my Top 10 list.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:07 AM
 

Blogger Ben is a gaywad.

In your first paragraph you have 11 '(' and only 10 ')', thus making your whole post unfunny and confusing.

I'll let it slide this time, but next time I'm on the first plane to homo-ville (san fran) to slap some sense into you.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:15 AM
 

Anonymous rebecca is a gaywad.

Celine Dion + Michael Jackson = Screech as far as I can tell.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:33 AM
 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

GFVirgo,

Hey! Thanks! I don't get it all the time.

If i had a guitar right now i would do a power chord or no -- i'd smash it on my nightstand and kick my dog! That would ROCK!

(swills Jack Daniels directly from the bottle and doesn't wipe it as it dribbles through his beard)

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:40 AM
 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

rebecca,

EXACTLY!

you totally nailed it. that is sooooooooo Screech.

now it's even more creeepy.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:41 AM
 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

ben,

YOU WIN THE PRIZE!

it was a secret contest to see who is really paying attention to detail. you see, i have a lot of beans that need to be counted. your prize is that you GET TO COUNT THEM FOR FREEE!

oh yeah, added bonus prize? You get to stick your thumbs up your peehole and make quacking sounds with your butt. send video!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:45 AM
 

Anonymous Wendy is a gaywad.

You mean the beans from "Old Mexico"? If I had only known about the contest...

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:12 AM
 

Blogger bardot is a gaywad.

rebecca's "screech" obsrevation has made the video enter the 5th level of EWWWWWWWWWWW.

oh god. now it's scary to watch.

but oh-so addicting.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:21 PM
 

Anonymous polly wanna pecker is a gaywad.

doesn't anyone want to note that Celine Dion NAILED Micheal Jackson and BAD? i mean i am certainly not a Ceeline fan. oh no no. but she nailed it.

paranthetical post not hilarious. celine beat merkley today.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:28 PM
 

Blogger Ben is a gaywad.

It's not really paying attention to detail, it's more that I study your every move. You see, I'm your number one fan merkley???... in fact, I'm outside right now, hiding in the bushes waiting for you to come out. I have something to give you.

I sure hope you like it because if you don't... well I just don't know what I'll do.

See you soon.

Sincerely,

Your #1 Fan

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:41 PM
 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

polly,

i have never insinuated that i could ever beat celine dion at anything, especially blogging. her blog is terrific. and as for the hilarity or non hilarity of the post, my first and foremost assertion was that it is annoying.

you cannot say that i didn't at least succeed in being annoying. i was even annoyed while writing it.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:29 PM
 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

ben,

i hope you have been getting the baloney sandwiches i have been leaving out there for you.

oh, and while you're out there, do you mind picking the trash out of the bushes too?

thanks.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:31 PM
 

Blogger Dashiell is a gaywad.

Wait, was that really Celine Dion? Or somesort of digital trickery, via Industrial Light and Magic?

I adore the ellipsis and use it whenever possible. I'm also a fan of brackets, bardot's haircut, merkley's crazy photoshop skillz, and MMPORPG's where I can pretend to be a Viking. The rest of you can, per my usual instructions, go to hell.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:40 PM
 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

dash,

what the fuck is MMPORPG's?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:37 AM
 

Blogger Dashiell is a gaywad.

Massive Multi Player Online Role Playing Games, YOU NERD!!!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:19 AM
 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

wait -- hhhmnn -- i guess you are right, only the popular cool kids play role playiing games,

nerdy me. i hang out with chicks.

ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

ok. that sucked.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:11 PM
 

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