merkley???: I May Not Be God, But at Least I'm Real.: Do Not Disturb (Accidental VooDoo Alert!)

June 20, 2005

Do Not Disturb (Accidental VooDoo Alert!)

100% true story:

One morning many years ago a barking dog woke me from my wonderful dreams. I audibly cursed the dog and wished for it's early death.

Later that morning I was once again rudely slapped from my slumber but this time by a metal crunching, screeching traffic accident in the intersection right outside my window.

The accident was terrific, one car upside down and the other smashed into the house across the street.

There was only one fatality:

That very same asshole dog.

That barking fag was in the back seat.

It woke me up and now it's fucking DEAD!

Watch out bitches, For your own safety, let me sleep in peace.

That's all for now.
Don't get caught with a dead canine's blood on your sleeping, crotch warmed, hands!!
Your most qualified accidental voodoo practitioner,
merkley???

I remembered this story after reading Raymi's blog this evening.
oh yeah, and ladies, never say I never did nothin fer ya.

UPDATE!
to listen to this post read by a fucking douchebag PBS civil war letter narrarator click the dealie below.

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

fugusashi is a gaywad.

Earplugs work.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:06 AM

fugusashi is a gaywad.

no mess to clean up afterwards. dead dogs are messy, especially after their bodies have sat in the hot sun for a couple of hours.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:30 AM

Wendy is a gaywad.

Hmmmmm, how did you know it was the same dog? Did you go to your window and curse him while looking into his little brown eyes, or were you laying in bed under the covers cursing? THEN! How did you know that very dog was dead in the backseat of one of the cars? Did you put on your "outdoors fatal car crash clothes" and go investigate and see the very same dog, only now dead? How can you know that this was indeed the same canine? Maybe the cursed dog is still alive biding his time 'til he can once again bark louding and wake you up...oh, and thanks for the youth potion.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:53 AM

Bridget is a gaywad.

oh. my. god. you aint lyin'!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:11 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

paula,

earplugs. yes. i am a big fan. it's not like i enjoy doing voodoo. like i said, it was an accident.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:20 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

wendy,
the dog's name was Buttons. it lived directly behind me. i could see it right out my bedroom window. I knew who Buttons was. Its was how I was able to deliver the specific curse.

Buttons died in the back seat.

I audibly wished for Buttons death and Buttons died.

i know, trust me, i had my moments of denial too. i understand what you are feeling right now. but it's ok. it's not your fault. accidental voodoo is nobody's fault. except Jesus maybe.

Blame Jesus, he died for that kind of shit anyway, he won't even notice.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:26 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Bridget,

no i'm not lying.

i wish i was. Buttons did not deserve to die.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:27 AM

Wendy is a gaywad.

You are all powerful! You are also a little scary now...hey, if I give you the names and addresses of some former boyfriends, employers and my Dad, can you hook me up?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:49 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

wendy,
i wish it worked that way. trust me, i have tried to harness this power for the good of all mankind (i'm sure that's what you were intending with your list) but i have so far as of yet been unable.

unless of course you consider my powers regarding the death of rats... or the power i have to cause the phone to ring, but those are whole different blog posts altogether.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:08 PM

William Bunkton is a gaywad.

Don't think the absence of photos of attractive young women has gone unnoticed either, Murderer???.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:49 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

bunks,
i realize that's the only reason most of yall come back. cain't say i blame ya.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:53 PM

Digitalicat is a gaywad.

This isn't the first time your talked about your secret voodoo death powers. You need to start making surveillance video or something so we can actually see your death magic in action.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:20 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

digi,

hmmmn i can't remember the other time i talked about it.

but i have some other stories too.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:04 AM

Wendy is a gaywad.

The audio blog really brings the "voodooness" home for me...very funny!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:49 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

ah ha digital!

now i remember. i told you the marylin manson story over on your blog. i never told it here. that's why i was confused.

that has been bugging me since i read your comment this afternoon.

whew.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:28 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

thanks wendy.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:28 PM

William Bunkton is a gaywad.

I listened to that barration more times than is healthy.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:43 PM

William Bunkton is a gaywad.

by barration of course I mean, narration

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:48 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

and by listening to it more times than is healthy, you mean you listened to it once.

i should have warned about that. you see bunks, on public television here in the usa, they have these long three week documentary specials on the american civil war. it's mostly just photos and terrible actors reading letters from the war.

unfortunately, i nailed it.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:55 PM

SZUGYE is a gaywad.

MERDE! I remember that story like it was yesterday. "Yesss-ter-day." Another Merkley classic. Cats don't do those annoying things (barking and crap). That's why I love the cute little kitties. Also, kitties don't poo on your lawn, and they don't graffiti your house/s.

"There's no such thing as a chemical imbalance." ~Tom Cruise

That guy is a fucking genius.

Oh yeah, the television show BECKER keeps me sane.

Great Artwork :www.szugye.com

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:56 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

I thought you dusappeared szugye.

glad to see you're back and shit.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:00 AM