merkley???: I May Not Be God, But at Least I'm Real.: I Tasted Pee!

July 08, 2005

I Tasted Pee!

But not on purpose.

And only once.

I was in the back yard with my step brother Chad. We decided that it was time to take a pee. I don't know why little dudes like to pee together, they just do. Often times they will pick the same target to destroy.

You know, when you're a young boy, you can pee a million miles. You've got a small weenie with a small pee hole and a super elastic strong squeezer muscle. We used to have pee contests to see who could pee the farthest or highest. I'm not fucking kidding you, the dudes all know this, but I could pee like fifty stories into the air. We used to shoot ducks out of the sky with our pee. I remember when I could point my weenie straight down at the ground and pee as hard as I could and I kid you not, I could launch myself ten feet in the air with my jet powered pee stream. I even drilled a tunnel through a wall ten feet thick with just my pee stream! One time, I swear to Jesus, I sliced a bowling ball clean in half. LASER PEE I'M TELLING YOU!!

That all changed when I hit puberty and I grew a penis the size of a Pringles can. Sure It's impressive to behold, but I can't even pee above my head anymore. DAMN PUBERTY! DAMN BIG PEE HOLE!

Innywaaays, back to the story.

So Step Brother Chad and I are in the back yard and we decided to pee on a weed.

The mission was to destroy.

We both engaged our weapons when for some reason I thought it might be funny to threaten him with my pee stream. This was a fairly common joke. You just nudge your pee stream uncomfortably close to your friends foot. It's basically a game of chicken with pee. That's all I was doing. I swear. I had no intention to pee on my step brother.

"Ha ha fag! I'm gonna pee on your shoe!" I said. Again NEVER intending to do so.

But that little fucker thought I was serious so he just, without saying anything, no warning, no nothin', sliced me with his pee saber. The slice went from my lower chest and went in a straight diagonal line up through my neck and diagonally across my face. I was surprised so my mouth was wide open and I received about 20 drops of pee right to the back of my throat.

Pee tastes warm and salty.

The End.

That's all for now!
Don't get caught trying to slice an unflushed turd with your pee stream!
Your low pressure giant fire hose,
merkley???

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

Wendy is a gaywad.

FUNNY! This is why I love you!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:17 AM

Bridget is a gaywad.

me too.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:17 AM

Bridget is a gaywad.

I meant I tasted pee pee, too.
not poo poo, at least not that I'm aware of.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:18 AM

William Bunkton is a gaywad.

I don't want to distract from your pee story, so I'll cut to the chase:

Deathbed
Me
Misery
Dismay
Regret

Farewell friend.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:22 AM

Wendy is a gaywad.

Wild Bill, what are you talking about?!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:24 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

wendy,
thanks!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:59 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

bridget,

oh you have trasted poop. i guarantee it.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:00 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

bunks,

drink lots of water.

take four aspirin.

if you have some food in the fridge eat it. all of it. going into the bathroom and puking ain't such a bad idea.

i told you to stay away from tasmania.

i hear that place is filled with devils.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:03 AM

Ajax is a gaywad.

Hey I have a nagging philosophical question that perhaps only Merkeley??? can answer.....

What's grosser? Puke or poo?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:44 PM

Digitalicat is a gaywad.

I once thought it was a good idea to pee straight up. Naturally I pissed all over myself. I was 22, but in my defense, I was stunningly drunk.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:25 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

ajax,

that may ne the most intelligent question i ever heard.

i have given it much thought, over 24 hours really and i have realized that it simply cannot be answered by picking one or the other.

my first inclination was to say BARF because as gross as your typical poop is, it's fairly contained and with the exception of corn and your occasional watermelon seed, it doesn't look anything like whatever you ate. there are obvious exceptions to this such as fudge etc... but generally a poop doesnt remind me of food which is an important consideration in the gross/makesmewanttopuke factor

one also needs to consider the display area.

i am choosing a sidewalk as that represents a place to encounter poop and or barf in a neutral enviroment.

there are just so many things to consider when asking this question.

is the barf steamy or cold? splayed out or contained in a bowl? is the poop diarrhea smooth or little rabbit balls?

is it mine or someone elses?

is that someone else a beautiful girl or a disgusting slob?

baby poop and barf are completely in a different category.

what was eaten before said pooping or barfing?
do i have to touch it?

see?

i'm not really getting anywhere here. there are too many unanswered variables to give a conclusive answer.

i will however leave you with this:

the smell of fresh vomit causes me to want to vomit. while the smell of a turd never makes me want to vomit or poop. interestingly, boogers also produce a gagging reflex.

i will give this some more thought, i have been searching for a subject for my thesis and this just may be it.

thanks.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:07 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

digidude,

yeah, but did you TASTE it?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:08 PM

Wendy is a gaywad.

Merkley and Ajax, I don't know if this will be any help to your quest for knowledge, but I have some facts that could help. I ate a really gross Quarterpounder meal from McDonalds with a blue Powerade drink. We went out and did some hiking, then we took winding roads home. I puked for the first time in 10 years...it was green. Why was my puke green? It took some thought, but evidently yellow McDonalds fries and Blue Powerade make green puke! So, my contribution to the debate is this, poop is poop, but puke can change color once in the stomach, I think puke is grosser and more interesting as you get to use the skills you learned in gradeschool with the colorwheel! Too fun! Oh, I also learned, no matter how fucking hungry you are, do not eat at McDonalds as it is POISON! the end

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:20 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

wendy,

thank you for that lovely story.

i'm glad i couldn't smell it.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:43 AM

Inner Fonzie is a gaywad.

Wendy,

It may be a little late for this, but your lack of puking is caused by one of two things...

1) You don't drink enough

or

2) You smoke a lot of weed

Though, could be a combination of the two. I commend you on continuing your hike though.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:45 PM