merkley???: I May Not Be God, But at Least I'm Real.: 13 Things To Do With a Chopped Off Thumb

August 09, 2005

13 Things To Do With a Chopped Off Thumb

What's that ya say? Ya say ya have a chopped off thumb and ya don't know what to do with it? Well you're in luck because, here are some ideas I came up with specifically for this very situation and even more specifically for you. YES YOU. You and that very thumb on that very desk. What a co weenky deenk.

1. Stick it up your butt bloody side in and ask your oldest grandmother "Does this make you hungry -- even a little?"

2. Get The Fonz to sign it. You know he totally would. Make sure to call him Potsy then punch him in the chachi.

3. Give it to a one armed toddler to suck on. Punish the toddler when he does. Biting the toddler's singular thumb on his only arm really really hard is the perfect punishment.

4. Stick it up your butt, bloody side in and ask a local DJ "Is there a chopped off thumb coming out of my butthole? Am I handsome?"

5. Stick it up your butt, bloody side in and go hitch-hiking for fags!

6. Use the bloody side as a magic marker and write "Aaaaaaaayyyy" across your sister's boobs.

7. Name it Tom.

8. Marinate it in pee, braise it, sprinkle it with boogerdust then feed it to some snobby asshole who always loves to tell people how he went out to some expensive restaurant and "ate Braised Pee Marinated Chopped Off Thumbs Dusted With Boogerdust and it was sooooooooo deeevine." FAG!

9. Place it on top of a Chia Pet™ and water it and then laugh and laugh and laugh everytime your wrinkled up mexican maid says something about your green thumb. RAD. Then fire her.

10. Do that hilarious thing with that little deaf Korean boy where you stick your thumb out of your zipper as if it was your weeeeg, but then when he comes over to play suckfonz, just sign language to him that he can have it. Aaaaaaaaayyyyy. Make sure to throw it at him really hard. Also, pull his hair.

11. Have it surgically implanted in your ball sack just to see what happens.

12. Stick it up your butt, bloody side in and ask a one boobed chemo patient "Is there a chopped off thumb coming out of my butthole?" When she faints, crap on her bald head and light her on fire. Then nail yourself to a cross.

13. Do the right thing and give it back to that poor Korean boy so he can get it sewn back on before it gets moldy and rotten. Especially if he agrees to remove it from your butthole with his weeeg. Even then, throw it in the toilet and make him fish it out with his bloody, thumbless flipper.

That's all for now!
Don't get caught getting stuck on that "Hilarious", "Wrong", "Interchangeable" bullshit.
Your Honorable Embassador to Korea,
merkley???

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

Inner Fonzie is a gaywad.

I'm the first to Post! So, I will sign severed thumbs upon request. And, for the one that punches me the hardest, I may provided my own, collector's edition (1 of 2), signed thumbs!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 6:54 AM

Squid Vicious is a gaywad.

All of the ideas sound great, but I don't think you put enough thought into #12...
"12. ...When she faints, crap on her bald head and light her on fire. Then nail yourself to a cross."

How the fuck can you nail yourself to a cross? No matter how hard you try, do you really think you'll be able to get the last nail in?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:05 AM

Lake Allison is a gaywad.

Severed thumbs are nature's butt plug.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:16 AM

Wendy is a gaywad.

Fonzie, when you sign my thumb will you please put; With Love, Shortcake. Thanks so much, I'll mail the thumb to you.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:30 AM

The Snakehead is a gaywad.

You're right. Wrong and hilarious are interchangable.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:42 AM

marriedman is a gaywad.

You left out one of the more important things that you can do with it.

14. chop off your weenis, sew the thumb on, and then tell your gay lover that you finally got the enlargement that he was asking about. when he sucks it, the grotessly long fingernail will slice his tounge open and he will bleed to death with a thumb in his mouth.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:11 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

inner howard,

dont do it. you need those thumbs.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:01 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

squid,

one of the most hilarious things i have ever uttered is "nail yourself to a cross" for the exact reason you take concern.

doi!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:02 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

allison,

put one in a condom....

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:03 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

wendy,

is that what you call fonzie? or are you pretending that you are joanie?

doesnt fonzie call joanie shortcake?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:04 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

snakehead,

thanks for coming around to my point of view.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:05 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

married man,

oh you one upper.

i basically just copy your brain anyway.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:06 PM

Satan is a gaywad.

Truly impressive - this has to be the most fucked up thing I've read on your blog.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 6:54 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

satan,

gee thanks.

you know, when i was a kid there used to be this game that we would all play called. "what's grosser than gross" one person would say some fucked up thing like -- "eating a booger ice cream cone", then the next person's job was to say something even more gross that usually would be built upon the previous gross thing such as "eating a poop dipped booger icecream cone with a fetus chaser" then you'd be judged by a jury of your peers.

i am proud to say my record was untarnished. i can always get grosser.

although i have to say that marriedman and jodyfosterturkey baster seem like some mighty formidable opponents. oh and allison too.

what a bunch of disgusting fucks we have assembled here. it brings a snot to my nose.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:04 PM

gabrielle is a gaywad.

the fonz is a dyslexic jew. i wonder if he'd be able to properly sign a thumb.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:59 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

gab,

what if he just put his thumb print on it instead?

that would be soooo STUPID.

but you are right. his nose is gigantic. i don't like dyslexics or jews either. you're not alone. that's for sure.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:03 PM

gabyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy is a gaywad.

thumbprint or toe print? or thumb toe print?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:37 PM

poopee shmoopee is a gaywad.

My friend Missy refers to having her period as her baby dying.

Gross? feh.

Now imagine that her dead baby looks just like a bloddy chopped off thumb stuffed up someone's turd-cutter.

*giggle*

I said turd-cutter.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:55 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

gab --- y

there.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:58 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

poopee,

"turd-cutter".

terrific work.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:00 PM

Satan is a gaywad.

Holy crapp'n christ with a cock sore,

I used to play that game as well, only my jury of peers were squeamish and would stop playing shortly after I had begun. That's when I started that game 'stab those fuckers in the the eye'.

None of this is actually true, I just needed an excuse to say holy crapp'n christ with a cock sore. I really think you and your friends were little perverts.

Fortunately for me, not much has changed.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:01 PM

Digitalicat is a gaywad.

I do number 10 all the time. But I keep forgetting to pull his hair. Thanks for the reminder!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:40 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

satan,
holy crapp'n christ with a cock sore you are right!
it is fun to say holy crapp'n christ with a cock sore.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:43 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

digicat,

no prob bro.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:43 PM

gabrielle is a gaywad.

you didnt answer my question, and gab is fine. the y's were a test.

i hate logging in

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:41 PM