13 Things to Tell Other People's Children.

1. If you hug your grandma really hard, ice cream will come out of her boobs.

2. (Pointing at their family pet) We're gonna eat that on your 7th birthday.

3. The magic word is please but the OTHER secret magic word you SHOULD say, is cunnilingus.

4. If you poke a Chinese person with a pin, their skin explodes and flies off because it's way too small.

5. If you call this number your parents will have to do whatever you say. (hand them the child abuse hotline number)

6. If you put a booger in a fish tank, it turns into a frog.

7. A penny will get really hot and melt if you hold it in your butt crack.

8. If you fart on a cat, it will like you the best.

9. Urinal pellets explode if you throw them in the sky.

10. You're adopted. Your real parents moved because you cry too much.

11. Black people are black so you won't see them hiding under your bed. (then sneak them a pamphlet about cannibalism)

12. DO NOT TOUCH BALD PEOPLE!! Unless you want to be bald too.

13. (pointing at the hot water heater) That's where all your poop goes and gets turned into taco meat.

That's all for now!
Don't get caught farting on the cat!
Your favorite uncle,
merkley???