Fucking "Inner Fonzie" Made Me Do This Dumb Internet Questionnaire, He's Lucky His Name Has The Word Fonzie In It.

This is one of those AWESOME questionnaires where somebody writes a bunch of AWESOME questions and the idea is to make up funny snarky AWESOME answers to show how witty and AWESOME you are. I already know I'm AWESOME but I'm doing it anyway because I feel sorry for all of you assholes for not getting to read any of my brilliant humor for the last week.

This is gunna be AWESOME!

1. If you were a celebrity, what kind would it be (movies, TV, literature, crime, etc)?

If? psssffffwwwwppplplplplplpht -- how about -- AM. But if I WASN'T a celebrity, I'd be the kind who has the world record for most hot needles crammed sideways into his rectum -- only it would be a private world record that only I knew about otherwise I'd be a celebrity all over again and my sideways hot needle cramming days would take on a whole new dimension... A dimension I'm not sure I'd like.

Will Smith sucks balls.

2. Which other celebrities would you make a concerted effort to try and be around?

Again, I'm ALWAYS around celebrities, but if I wasn't I'd want to be around the non-celebrities with good solid names like Bob, Al, George, Lisa, Vaginaface, and Steve. I can't stand names that sound all unique like Becky or Lisa or Socks.

Basically, I'd hang out with paper and shredded lettuce... If I WASN'T a celebrity.

Alex Trebek is a shithead.


3. Which other celebrities would you avoid like the plague?

Any motherfucker who HAD the plague. I'd avoid that mother fucking disease-o like the plague. Know whut I'm sayin'? Ya feel me?

Ha HA HA -- I fuckin tricked all yalls bitches, while you were sitting there "FEELIN ME", little did you know that I am the type of celebrity that in fact HAS the plague, and plague is transferred through FEELIN' --- and THAT'S what you get for acting BLACK!

Heyyy -- the BLACK plague.

I'm awesome.

Rock Hudson died of AIDS, what a HOMO.


4. Which celebrities would you date?

If by saying DATE you mean that I could walk around Hollywood with a big rubber stamp loaded with permanent tattoo ink and I could stamp an EXPIRATION date on any celebrity forehead, I suppose I would first DATE some random up and comer starlet and I'd stamp and expiration date on her forehead that was like two years ago and then I'd read it out loud to her and say "Ohps, looks like you expired even before you became a bimbo celebrity -- too bad" and then I'd ask her to hand in her plastic boobs and fake nose and tell her to go back to Iowa.

Then I'd sneak up on Christopher Walken and stick the fake boobs in his back pockets, and then I'd scream "HEY TITTY BUTT!" at the top of my lungs cause that's the type of thing I think a guy like Christopher Walken might enjoy.

Johnny Depp is a total vagina.

5. What would be your "Celebrity Cause"?

If you don't quit phrasing questions as if I'm not already a celebrity you're gonna have to find a CAUSE to remove my foot from your ass. GOT IT?

Pauly Shore was hilarious when he was the weez.

6. Since celebs always get off, what crime(s) would you commit?

I would shoot you in the face you fucking gaybob.

OJ simpson killed those yahoos on my birthday.

7. What would be the name of your tell-all book?

I ain't tellin you SHIT!

Michael Jackson got out of prison on my birthday.

8. Tag 3 people to do this poll.

Rodney Dangerfeild. (awe -- too bad. He's dead.)

Saddam Hussein.

Christy McNichols. (DYKE!)

That's all for now!!
Don't get caught putting ZERO effort into something that turns out AWESOME anyway,
Your mom,
merkley???