merkley???: I May Not Be God, But at Least I'm Real.: If I Fail, If I Suck Pee, at Least I Did as I Believe!

September 14, 2005

If I Fail, If I Suck Pee, at Least I Did as I Believe!

That's all for now.
Don't get caught lying and saying your sister stole your Nerf football when it was you who stole her stuffed duck because it worked way better than the Nerf football which was just too big.
Your Resourceful Do-It-Yourself Sex Toys For Children Specialist,
merkley???

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

Squid Vicious is a gaywad.

So would that be pressed duck?

How about: "I tried to feed a rabbit pellet to a cat but it wouldn't eat it so I stuck it in it's ear."?

OR

"I tried to see if it's true that cat's always land on their feet. They don't. 'nuff said."

I overheard my nephews talking and that's what they said...

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:16 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

those are both good ones squid.

i still have a lot of them that come from home, but i have been noticing that it's taking me longer and longer to remember them.

i just gotta finish whitney's song. that's all.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:27 AM

marriedman is a gaywad.

(insert a young negress picture here)

"I tried to see what a peehole looked like by cutting my brother's off with a butterknife. Now I'm locked up with nobody to save me from Delta, the really fat lady that likes it when I lick her privates"

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:45 PM

ScaryCheri is a gaywad.

I think I need a stuffed duck

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:04 PM

ScaryCheri is a gaywad.

Squid.....my older brother and I stuffed a dead cat we found into my neighbors gas tank when we were kids. The tail hung out of the gas cap for weeks before anyone noticed it.

thanks for brining out one of my better childhood memories....heh

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:06 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

mm,
one upper. damn you.

ha ha.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:11 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

scary,
the gas tank story is great.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:13 PM

marriedman is a gaywad.

I do what I can. I think that you unintentionally tone it down when you are posting it on a real picture of a real kid. Me, on the other hand, I can just say (insert picture of a young negress) and it's not so personal because the black beauty isnt staring right at me.

Also, when I was a kid, I made my cousin Jack play with my dingdong anytime he wanted me to share my He-Man toys. It was a nice arrangement until he got upset when he found out I was bribing his older sister the same way, and tied me down to the table and made my weenis go into my anus. It hurt then, but now, it's a habbit. Kinda like jerking it off over Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:19 PM

gabrielle is a gaywad.

these are funny. bringing me back to my childhood, a whole two years ago.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:58 PM

ScaryCheri is a gaywad.

yeah, I recently brought it up around my sister in law, who just happens to be one of "those" cat people.

I was like "Hey Dan, remember when we stuffed that dead cat into that guys gas tank...."

The story didn't go over well, but I don't care...I was 7 and bored and we just happened upon a dead cat

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:45 PM

Wendy is a gaywad.

That dirt clot must have been big or it was thrown very, very hard to break someone's ribs, even if there was a rock in it.

My Mom works for AFLAC, she has bunches of AFLAC ducks in all sizes, shall I hook you up?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:14 PM

heather is a gaywad.

please, please find her grade school picture and doctor it up with this story. PLEASE. you know you want to.

a grateful nation will thank you. or, at least, i will.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:33 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

married.
can i get a video instruction on how to do that? i have always wondered if it was possible

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:01 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

gaby,
you're STILL a teenager ie child. some of these things may very well be in your immediate future.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:03 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

scary,
i liked the grasshopper story on your blog too.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:04 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

heather,
you find me her picture and i'll do it. afterall YOU are her stalker Not Me.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:07 AM

heather is a gaywad.

i stalk no-one, merkley.

i merely research, then plagiarize...uh, i mean, parody. yeah, that's it. parody.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:12 PM

gaby is a gaywad.

yeah, its true. yesterday i froze a piDgeon cause i though it would be reanimated today, but it wasnt, so i left it on the kitchen table.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:09 PM

francine o. is a gaywad.

i fed my dog a wet papertowel and he ate the whole thing. and then when he died of leukemia 2 years later and my mom cried i swore i would never tell her i killed her dog with a papertowel.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:58 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

heather,
i have forwarded your confession on to stephanie's lawyer. you are officially fucked for the second time.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:51 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

francine,
and so then, ummm something happened with the roll and then there was a cover-up and many people planned the leukemia paper towel murder and that's how you have your blog.

i'm glad you cleared that up.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:54 PM

heather is a gaywad.

the second time?

i don't remember getting fucked the first time. was it good? i always fucking miss these things. dammit.

(you didn't really, did you? because that would make you a total dob-artist. and that is so not cool. you totally want her, huh?)

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:16 AM

Wendy is a gaywad.

FINE! No fucking AFLAC ducks for you. You try and be nice and get a friend a gift, but, NNNOOOO, not even a "Fuck no Wendy, I don't wan't no plushie, cozy ducks that yell AFLAAACCCC when you hump 'em, Gaybob."

Fine, see if I ever offer to do something nice again, you perv.

Beside, there a limited number of the ducks my Mom can give out to non paying AFLAC customers, and I am not giving you MINE because they are really cool. So, it's actually a moot point.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:34 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

holy crap wendy,
i totally missed the afflac comment.

yes. i want four of the moot point variety.

and yes, i hucked the shit out of that dirt clod, although i suspect that the whole story about that little wench's broken rib was a bunch of baloney designed to teach us all a lesson about dirt clod wars.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:10 AM