merkley???: I May Not Be God, But at Least I'm Real.: 13 Tapes I Made When I Was 13

October 24, 2005

13 Tapes I Made When I Was 13

That's all for now.
Don't get caught farting directly into the microphone and then putting it up to your mouth to do other hilarious junk.
Your Expert Studio Engineer Specializing In Farts,
merkley???

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

Wendy is a gaywad.

I insist you convert the toilet flushing and Cosby with farts at the end to digital and Audioblog 'em...at once! Get on it and no back talk.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:37 PM

no doubt is to gaby what devo is to merkley is a gaywad.

funny, when i was 13 i made a mix cd called no doubt and hand claps. cause im a girl and girls dont fart.

but i think those tapes are fake. 13 year olds dont write backwards. youve forgotten your youth.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:55 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

wendy,
these are just fake tapes i made in photoshop --- oh lordy lordy how i wish i had the real ones which i swear on butterfaces soul exist.

all we ever did when i was little was record funny shows and farts and burps and the occasional grandma peeing.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:24 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

gaby,
see above

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:27 PM

Satan is a gaywad.

I'm sooooo disallusioned right now... I can't believe you made something up Merkley???, 'made up' I say again, you're a disgrace, I don't care if it's unbelievably funny Mr I'm a Terrible Untruth Teller Merkely???. It's the principle, the unfunny principle of the thing!

Now, YOU go to Church! I'm not allowed in for some reason

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:41 PM

holly is a gaywad.

merks, did you ever do mix tapes?
these share heavy insights into the 13 year old soul. I was a mix tape factory from about 13 to 17.
"in love" mixes - tragic "break up/fuck you" mixes... you name it. Maybe you did fart mix tapes?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:03 AM

holly is a gaywad.

actually, I just thought about it some more and I think you did
"inspirational breast cancer mix" and "touch my a-hole mix"

right?!?!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:07 AM

melina is a gaywad.

oh my, oh my...cassette tapes! even though you *say* these are photoshopped, can you actually recall what brand/model of cassette tape player you used for the recordings? panasonic was really tops back then. (press the record and play button simultaneously!)

what's really funny about this is how everyone who's done the same thing is all confessional-like.

my greatest moment in cassette recordings was the one when i put the cat in the closet and recorded it all meowing wanting to get out. hours of laughter that stunt provided. pathetic. well, besided the farting ones...

now you're swearing on pore 'ole innocent butterfaces' SOUL? pobrecito butterface.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:08 AM

Anonymous is a gaywad.

I once recorded myself singing a pre-pubescent version of Pearl Jam's "Better man." Didn't work out too well, should have stuck with the Clay Aiken "Invisible."

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:19 AM

Satan is a gaywad.

Yeah. OK. That last outburst was because I once made a mixed tape and she spurned me. THANKS FOR BRINGING UP PAINFUL MEMORIES YOU CUNT! Sorry, I'll go to church.

Bwhahahaha VW is 'civil'... no I'm not!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:27 AM

gaby is a gaywad.

rabbis arent supposed to lie. here i am following your blog like its the freakin gospel truth and you're telling me SOMETHING IS MADE UP IN YOUR BLOG?

outrageous.

and where did your stalkerblog go? i am running out of entertainment at work!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:07 AM

marriedman is a gaywad.

I need the one about your grandma peeing to be real, so so real.

She's a hot bitch.

Is she dead yet?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:16 AM

Kristine is a gaywad.

I used to have a tape queued in my tape player and every time any song would come on the radio where they said 'damn' or 'bitch' or 'ass', I'd wait and hit record.

Eventually, I had 60 minutes worth of swear words on a tape. Mostly it consisted of 'DAMN!' being screamed by Janet Jackson's Black Cat.

Sigh. I miss those days.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:41 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Satan,
for some reason it doesn't seem like you swear or pull your pants down enough to be the actual satan -- also --- dude, i haven't seen fire come out of your weedoo for weeks.
--------------------------------

holly,
you bet your patoot i did mix tapes. but you're right, most of the music was interspersed with farts and the gang.

-----------------------------

melina,
i had the good old panasonic too. i took it EVERYWHERE i went. i'd record peoples private conversations and then i'd put it under my pillow and listen to it as i fell asleep. if i wasn't so lazy, i could have dug into the basement where my actual tapes are stored to get the originals. wendy is right, they need to be converted to digital sometime. my 8 year old farts are recorded just waiting to be remembered 30 years later.

----------------------------

Anonymous,
a. don't be anonymous.
b.when the old panasonic eventualy crapped, i was given another tape recorder for christmas only this one had variable speed which meant that we made five billion hours of us singing and farting chipmunk style.

--------------------------

Satan ,
vw?

-----------------------

gaby,
there are more truths in my lies than any truth in your weird religion. i can guarantee you that.

marriedman,
oh i definitely recorded my grandmother peeing, we, meaning six of my siblings would sit around for hours listening and grossing ourselves out when we heard her fart.

she has long since died, she was the one who died because the neighbor boy not so accidentally shot hr in the eye with a bb gun and she died due to a resulting infection and he didn't even get in trouble because she was like 96.

anyway -- get your shovel, i'm sure she wouldn't mind some company.

----------------------

Kristine,
swear words are awesome.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:21 PM

marriedman is a gaywad.

hehehehe

Maybe I'll have her and rosa parks dyke it out for me. what do you think?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:08 PM

Satan is a gaywad.

WV YOU BUTTFUCKINGDIRTYCOCKSUCKINGCUNT! I'm so going to double team your old dead farting grandma with Married Man until her bones are consumed by the fire in my wang!

Yeah, see, now I sorta sound like your stalker blog... creeps me out.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:20 PM

Lake Allison is a gaywad.

Bill Cosby with farts at the end?
Post a clip of that one.

You're so old.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:25 AM