13 Amazing Inventions That I Invented Just Now.
1. FreshPants™ - Charcoal filter underpants. Go ahead, fart, no smell.
2. Mr. Pee Mister™ - Aerosol weeezoid adapter for when you need to turn your pee or semen into a fine mist.
3. Alarm Cock™ - An alarm for ladies, toddlers and fags who miss their ex-boyfriend/step fathers waking them up with his boner.
4. YumPlugs™ - Mint flavored ear plugs.
5. FartCharge™ - Fart powered cell phone charger. Dude, there is energy in your farts.
6. EverTurd™ Turd Calcification Ointment - Immediately turns your poop into beautiful stone.
7. EverTurd Polisher™ - EverTurd™ Tumbler and polishing kit for use with TurdStones™ created with EverTurd™ Turd Calcification Ointment.
8. EverTurd Terrazzo™
9. TurdLaunch™ Common Turd Slingshot - Regular slingshots are too violent for your common fragile turd.
10. Returd™ - Turns EverTurd™ calcified TurdStones™ back into regular turds for use with the TurdLaunch™ Common Turd Slingshot.
11. EverTurd DenTurds™ - Kit for making attractive dentures out of EverTurd™ calcified TurdStones™.
12. SpermSure™ Inseminating Condom - Condom for infertile men or dildo wiedling dykes that comes preloaded with fertile freeze dried sperm guaranteed to break and inseminate at climax.
13. NoodlePants™ - Dried pasta that becomes a comfortable pair of pants when cooked.
That's all for now!
Don't get caught making Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Edison look like total hacks in the 13 minutes it took to write this piece of pure genius.
Your Nobel Prize Winning TurdSlinger™