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November 21, 2005

The GAY-yest Love of Ahhaahhaahhll is Sleeeazay to Acheeeeeeeive

That's all for now.
Don't get caught playing the fucking god damn fucking FLUTE in a crappy fucking douchebaggy rock band you stupid fucking fuckers!!
Your Minister of Poop Dicks,
Janet Reno

Blogger Wendy is a gaywad.

These are hilarious! You had cool parents. If my Grandmother had found leaves in a cereal box, she would have smacked me and every kid within a five mile radius. Grandmothers knowwwww.


Blogger Wendy is a gaywad.

oh! I forgot to say I used to play flute in band and church. I was good at it and flutes rule. You have to really be stoned to "get" Jetro Tull, but they rock. Now, bite me flute hater. No, really bite me, my husband is writing a book and I feel neglected...HA!


Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

that one is actually a memory from one of my first sleep overs, we both dumped it out -- and it was the next morning when all the stuff came out in our bowls and his mom got on the phone almost immediately and i thought -- mann, this woman is stoooo pid. we got away with a lot of stuff in his house. thinking back, there is evidence in my memories that his mom may have been an alcoholic. at the time i just thought she was really weird but she was probably just drunk.


Blogger francine o. is a gaywad.

the photos and captions are my favorite stuff you write. here's my offering to you:

this fat girl across the street tied my friend to a tree with a jumprope and ate all the pizza we ordered from pizza hut. then we went to the fat girl's house to play and picked up all her dog's poop laying around the house and put it under her bed where she kept her barbies.


Blogger Lake Allison is a gaywad.

Hey man, when I was 15 and thought I was a hippy, I saw Jethro Tull live. And yeah, they were fucking old..

Anyway, good post. Ha ha and ha!


Blogger Satan is a gaywad.

Now Merks??? you now I love ya like a brother man but don't be hating on flutes dude. Any girl who can play a flute is OK with me. Oh, and the instument is pretty cool as well. Jethro Rocks!

Tell me you at least circled the booger later and wrote 'this is a booger' next to it.

Hope ya well Dude!


Blogger poopee shmoopee is a gaywad.

i tried out for flute in 6th grade school band but i just couldn't get the high notes, so i got to play the trombone instead. sweet, sweet slidey trombone music.


Blogger ~*Bettie is a gaywad.

1. Flutes are only good for smacking people over the head and having "Match This Note!" fights in Jr. High.

2. My next door neighbor would throw his dirty diapers over then fence in our yard when I was little. Finally, my nother had enough. She took one of the diapers and caught it on fire on his front porch, knocked, and ran. The thing was, no one was home. And his house burnt down. And then we moved away.

3. Merkley???, I *heart* you!


Blogger gabrielle is a gaywad.

this & if i was a... are my favorite blogs.

these especially because then eveerrrryone shares their kooky kid stories.


Anonymous becky is a gaywad.

Um, let me guess which one you are. The baker in the school play who ate his prop? Lol! I hope it tasted good.



Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

Francine Ocelot,
thanks francine. that was a good story.


Allison S,
old and crappy. dont for get that jethro tull is always crappy.


it is no surprise that the lord of the underworld thinks cramming a flute into a rock band is a good idea.

it's a terrible idea. anyone who disagrees with me has a piccolo for a pee-er


poopee shmoopee,
see, now theres a better instrument -- at least the trombone can make all kinds of silly sounds --- plus its ability to deposit a big glob of spit onto any given target with a fair amount of precision is downright OK.


"i heart you"
rhymes with "i fart poo" which begs the question -- is it even possible to fart poo or is that just regular pooping? you brought it up.


i agree -- i like the way people add their stories, they are probably the most fun too --- although lately i've been noticing that my chilhood anecdotes are getting fewer and farther between. i only need to finish the lyrics to the song and then i'll be done.

don't be surprised if you see some sort version of some of these stories make an appearance if i run out.


Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.


nope -- none of the pictures are me, but i really did eat my prop -- at first i just started picking the raisins out -- then a little bread, then i ended up hollowing it out completely and then it collapsed so i just finished it off.

the teacher didnt even ask where it was. i didnt have any lines. she hated me. fucking bitch.


Anonymous becky is a gaywad.

I'll bet she didn't hate you. If she'd hated you, she would have written you up like my son's teacher from last year used to do almost every week. He's a good kid...she's a crummy person. I just ignored her after the first month or two.

Not being "the pet" is not the same as being hated. To exceptional kids, though, not being the favorite is as bad as being hated. Their talents aren't being recognized.

Sorry to get all heavy on you.


Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

ha ha -- i think it's funny when people get serious on my booger blog.

i was just being flip anyway.

nonetheless -- for more info on that teacher, read Pure Ugliness, Popcorn and The KKK it was the same teacher.


Anonymous gaby is a gaywad.

can you remember all your childhood tales? i've found i've forgotten most of mine except the really traumatic weird ones, which are more frightening than funny. mummy-ing my teddy bears and whatnot.


Blogger The Bees Knees is a gaywad.

I wasn't involved in poop or fart hijinks so much as illicit kissing and boy chasing. Elementary school boys are soooo scared of being caught and smooched by a gaggle of screaming 9 year olds. We would interrupt dodgeball or suicide games by simply by yelling "who's next?!?!?" at the top of our lungs.


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