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November 29, 2005

If I Was One of Those Retards Who Can't Figger Out The Difference Between "YOUR" and "YOU'RE"...

If I was The Word "Misogyny" I would keep reeeeal quiet about the fact that a reeeally ugly girl TOTALLY MADE ME UP instead of pushing away the pork rinds, going to the gym and wearing a little concealer.





If I was a TV Judge, every once in a while I'd give some old lady who ran over her neighbor's sprinkler the death penalty.





If I was The Word "Figure" I would hate it when people said "Figger" but even more when they said "Fegro", although, I might let the words "Bigger", "Digger", "Vigor" and "Trigger" call me "Figga" even though I think those words are totally inferior.





If I was a TV Courtroom Bailiff, every once in a while I'd take out my billy club and club the crap out of some feeble old man if he made the judge repeat something because he couldn't hear what the judge said on account of bein super old.





If I was One of Those Retards Who Can't Fegro Out The Difference Between "YOUR" and "YOU'RE", I'd just write YER or YO instead, because then everyone would just think I was making fun of rednecks or negroes which is totally rad. Although the joke would probably be bittersweet seein's how I would probably BE a redneck or a negro. But then again, self deprecating humor is pretty popular too. However, at that point, it's not really humor anymore, it's just ignorance and while my ignorance may be funny to you, I'd just be back to living as just an ordinary retard. FUCK YOU INSENSITIVE ASSHOLES!





That's all for now!
Don't get caught imagining Paul McCartney beating the crap out of Stevie Wonder with a big white elephant tusk while screaming "DIE YOU FUCKING BLIND ASS EBONY FUCKING FUCKWAD!"
Your N.A.A.C.P Janitor Relations Chairman,
Montell Williams

FUCK FRANCINE!!:
Blogger poopee shmoopee is a gaywad.

even though i'm all married and stuff, i STILL have the BIGGEST internet crush on you EVER. Seriously, these last few posts have made me laugh so hard i peed a little. and by peed i mean poop and by a little i mean a LOT.

 

Blogger Wendy is a gaywad.

on divorce court, which is the best, Judge Mablean has a white baliff.

I like the little confederate flag nice touch cracker, or ginger.

 

Blogger MPD is a gaywad.

truly enlightening Merk I am at a loss for words

 

Blogger gabrielle is a gaywad.

ive definitely seen you swap your and you're, 'lexy.

 

Blogger Squid Vicious is a gaywad.

I WON! 50,034 words and I still have another chapter to go to tie up the loose ends, but the goal was 50,000!

I'm totally going to get breast implants so you can visit my blog again...

 

Blogger The Bees Knees is a gaywad.

its amazing how much quibbling goes on.

the lowest note super macho key allwwwaaayyysss throws swings at the far right fairy high noter.

the 2 pedals - who are russian jews - like to threaten poor little Abu Hakim Palestinian 3rd pedal.

And I think it goes without saying that EVERYONE hates the cross dressing pedal rod.

 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

poopee shmoopee,
ahhh those are turds of love. kinda like valentines day or something. if nothing else, i know i can at least keep a woman REGULAR.

===================

Wendy,
she probably has a crush on him.

================

MPD,
you're ALMOST at a loss for words. I counted your comment and there were 10 words and NO REPEATS. things aren't always as bad or good as they seem.

====================
gaby,
sometimes i like to assimilate with the peasants, you know get down on their level an RELATE. you should hear how i talk to cab drivers.

====================
Squid Vicious,
WOW squidward. that is quite a feat. i kinda wish i would have done that contest. you know ass to seat method is always best --- cept some times ass to dildo or ass to kitten or ass to ball point pen works too.

======================

Holly,
yeah -- you'd think they'd learn to live together in perfect harmony... take note there is no race mixing on a piano. NO inter breeding. we can learn a lot from our pianos. we just need to learn how to listen with our hearts -- or sphincters as it were.

 

Blogger pisscock mcgee is a gaywad.

Dear Sir,

Exchanging the letters "egro" for every instance of "igger" is without query the best thing you've come up with yet. So good in fact that I have no choice but to rape this from you and use it in my daily life. Since we are separated by the Rocky Mountains, I think this is allowable. Were I an english teacher I would assimilate this into my lesson plan, skewing the children's minds toward this more politically correct phrasing of those words. "No, no, Susie. It is correct to say 'The chegroes were biting bad in the yard this summer.' 'Chigger' is derogatory."

 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

why thank you pisspuss,

the best part though is that it came to me in an instant when a waitress asked me if i'd like a bigger glass and i quickly retorted with an offended look and "excuse me, we don't say bigger, we say begro". it was one of my wittiest moments for sure.

 

Anonymous Anonymous is a gaywad.

Wow, you are David Lynch meets Baz Lerman. Now this is a blog. Don't stop I'm too amused.

 

Blogger marriedman is a gaywad.

merks, that was genious, and the conferderate flag on the key, was nice. Very nice.

I'm so wet right now.

 

Blogger Calzone is a gaywad.

Bigger and Begro is the fucking shit. Me and you have to do some arthritis pills together some time.

 

Blogger Virgle Kent is a gaywad.

Jesus Merkley??? Sometimes I think your trying to start a race war that will bring the beginning of the apocalypse Charles Manson style. Then I think about the fact that you do kind of look like him plus you do know a bunch of girls that you could talk into going on a killing spree while you take their picture. So I figure I should turn you into the Feds or the NAACP, but if something were to happen to you then where would I go to look at semi erotic pictures of hot women in Cali. So I could listen to my conscious or my penis and we know who wins that battle every time. So fuck it keep up the good work.

p.s I know you loved how I spelled “your” :)

 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

esteemed mr. kent,

don't EVEN for one second act like you're not gonna use that BEGRO joke sometime within the next 24 hours.

but yeah, race war -- that'd be awesome, i'd probably side with the mexicans or the homos -- wait -- homos are a race right?

a couple of nights ago i sat down at a piano and i started pounding on the black keys and then i'd tinkle on the white keys and then i'd POUND the fuck out of the white keys and then play slow sad stuff on the black keys and then i'd POUND on the black keys and then i SPAZZED out on all the keys like fucking crazy and then i pretended to cry and then i told the whole crowd that formed who were also crying a little bit: "that piece was called Race War" and nobody got the joke but they could feel the power in their hearts, or at least they would have if i had actually done that at a party but i didn't, it was all a complete lie.

 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

anonymous,
thanks -- don't be so anonymous n'shit

 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

marriedman,
you know i do it all for you -- i tell you that always -- but i really mean it. i do it all just for you and nobody else.

 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

calzone,
you know i do it all for you -- i tell you that always -- but i really mean it. i do it all just for you and nobody else.

 

Blogger marriedman is a gaywad.

wait! You said that to Calzone too. What the fuck man...oh shit, I forgot my internet speak.....WTF man? I licked your balls way before that slutty dragon came around. Fuck man. Fuck.

 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

marriedman,
calzone means nothing to me -- it's nothing, it's just sex that's ALL. you know you're my favorite.

 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

calzone,
marriedman means nothing to me -- it's nothing, it's just sex that's ALL. you know you're my favorite.

 

Blogger Wendy is a gaywad.

I thought I was "you're" favorite.

 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

you are wendy. definitely YOU are my number one favorite.

 

Blogger The Bees Knees is a gaywad.

your all wrong, I'm the fave.

 

Blogger Squid Vicious is a gaywad.

Do you suppose the new "Roas Parks" statue in washington, DC will be of her sitting or standing???

 

Blogger Squid Vicious is a gaywad.

*Rosa

 

Anonymous JANICE GLASS JR is a gaywad.

JANICE IS THE FAVORITE BECUZ JANICE + MERKLEY = DRY HUMPING TO THE MAXIMUM POWER!!!

 

Blogger marriedman is a gaywad.

thanks merks, that means a lot, to me, calzone, and wendy.

 

Anonymous christie is a gaywad.

Word on the interweb crush.

There's just something about a man with question marks in his name that makes me all crazy like....

 

Anonymous Donkey Kong is a gaywad.

I parked next to a huge woman today who had a bumper sticker that said "Women are great leaders, YOUR following one."

I smiled at her and said, "Great leaders but bad spellers huh?"

She didn't understand what I meant, called me a sexist prick and then drove off.

At least she didn't eat me.

 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

Holly,
I totally agree with you holly. they are all wrong. you REALLY are my favorite.

==============

Squid,
hopefully the will make it so that each hour on the hour, one small tear rolls down her cheek -- only the tear is sulfuric acid and melts the flesh off her face. why not.

======================

JANICE GLASS JR,
dryhumpig to the maximum power is absolutely right especially because you are BY FAR my favorite blog commenter.

=======================


the REAL marriedman,
you're welcome sweetheart, i meant every fucking word of it.

====================

christie,
wanna know why the questionmarks make you crazy? because it alludes to mystery (whisper that when you read it) i am the first person to ever use questionmarks by the way. nobody ever thought of it before me. there isn't even one single retarded infomercial douchebag on TV covered in questionmarks trying to sell government secrets. ther never was a batman villan and it's totally NOT over used and cliche, it's totally original and i can't believe that i thought of it. i must be a genius, i must be. what else could explain it?????

huh?

huh?

huh?

huh?

=====================

Donkey Kong,
"At least she didn't eat me."
ha ha -- awesome.

 

Blogger marriedman is a gaywad.

everthing you do to me is magic, and shit like that baby.

 

Blogger Janice Glass, Jr. is a gaywad.

I'M CHAFING AGAINST MY ELASTIC WAIST RELAXED LEE JEANS RIGHT NOW!! N-E-WAY U KNOW WHAT?!? THAT'S RIGHT! I BROKE UP WITH PATRICK AND I'M ON THE LOOSE!

 

Blogger Wendy is a gaywad.

that thing you said to Christie, the whispering thing...that made me feel a little tingly...


I think I have to pee now.

 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

mm,
oh you!

 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

janice,
ahhhh that is fantastic news. i always ahted that asshole.

 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

wendy,
it's almost like everyone is on e in this here comments section. i like it.

 

Blogger ~*Bettie is a gaywad.

I seriously just peed my pants! That was the best shit ever. .

Say. . . you should come up with a Top 10 Posts list. That'd be funny.

Anyway, yeah. My head hurts. And you made me smile. Yay.

 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

thanks bettie,
come back whenever. next time though pee first.

 

Blogger Max Planck is a gaywad.

dear encephalitis face,
your pictures have the best comments ever. you make me want to eat chapstick.
yours,
francine's sister

 

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