merkley???: I May Not Be God, But at Least I'm Real.: LEEEARnayin' to Love Your Boobs, That is The Gaaay-yest LOOOOOOOVE uh uh uvv ALL. Dunh dunh dunh...

November 22, 2005

LEEEARnayin' to Love Your Boobs, That is The Gaaay-yest LOOOOOOOVE uh uh uvv ALL. Dunh dunh dunh...

That's all for now!
Don't get caught using a sentence that you saw on Francine's blog even though you actually did eat a whole tube of Chapstick, well ok, it was more of a chocolate flavored lipstick/lipgloss deal but Chapstick sounds better than all that and besides, who HASN'T eaten a whole tube of chapstick? That shit is fucking yummy.
Your Fukkin Secretary of Offense,
Connie Chung

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

marriedman is a gaywad.

damn i love you

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:57 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

like snelching love? or like cute little bunny rabbit love? or like you want to leave your wife and change the laws so we can get married love? or like "i love pizza" love? or like "i love retards" love?

see, the reason i ask is because i love you too -- but it's more the "hey, let me check your prostate" love which shouldn't be taken as sexual even though i'd probably check it with my penis but that's only because penises were designed to go in butts -- fingers weren't -- so it has nothing to do with gayness, i'm just really concerned about your prostate, i don't think it should smell like that.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:11 AM

Wendy is a gaywad.

did you really eat the goo out of Stretch Armstrong? Man that is genius. See, we tore that dude up like the second day we had him, but, I would have never thought to eat the goo! Man, now I got muchies for stretch armstrong.

The mouse thing freaks me out a little...ughhh.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:23 AM

francine o. is a gaywad.

i hate janice but we have to let her post on the blog because she's pretty much family. she eats chapstick ALL THE TIME right after she pushes it up real far and sticks it up her butt. she's awful.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:30 PM

marriedman is a gaywad.

merkley

I love you like snelching
I love you like rabbits
I love you like homos
I love you like bad habbits
I love you like pizza
I love you like retards
I love you like Terri Schiavo
I love you like gift cards
I love you when you touch me
I love you when I touch you
I love you when you rape me
I love you when you make my balls blue
I love you when I taste you
I love you when we eat meat
I love you when you taste me
I love you when you use your feet
I love you because I'm a faggot
I love you cause you are too
I love you like a maggot
I love you for you.

the end.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:06 PM

gabrielle is a gaywad.

I miss those old tall tales you used to tell. The children are good, but so short! Like commercials for the old tall tales of youth.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:54 PM

Donkey Kong is a gaywad.

Funny baby pictures. If by funny I mean disturbing, and by disturbing I mean walking in on your best friend snelching his toothless cousin from Arkansas.

http://spawnpaper.blogspot.com/

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:46 PM

Lake Allison is a gaywad.

I have a rash.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:07 PM

Anonymous is a gaywad.

LETS GO!
C'mon. You have got to admit that it sounds like funnnn?
SCRABBLE TOURNEY W BIG E in the big chi T. WE CAN STAY AT THE MARRIOT. BYU did pay off in some ways, (did you know Alice ever?) You remember Kristin Packham? She is the huntsman source. By the way, do NOT PUBLISHTHESHIT IN CAPS>>>>>>>>,
I can see your pup tent, fool.
CHENEYISGOING DOWN WITH BINLADEN PREPARE THE GRILLS. GET OUT THE SKEWERS. I'M A GONNA HAVE ME SOME FUCKIN" ARAAB muslim/betrayin mutinous infidel GYROS 2NIGHT. What time do you get Mceleanor group on PBS.

Well, did you know about the bees buzzin in MO and in SLC.
the sky is apparently falling.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:19 AM

Anonymous is a gaywad.

WHATS FOR DINNER?
Seriously.
What are you cooking, entice me into driving all the way the fuck out there.
sheisa.
i can not find any one of those mutinous infidels to help my ass. fuckers.
FUCK IT. I AM DOING IT ANYWAY.FREI LEBT VER STERBAN KANN. Is what I always say.
CAN I BRING HUCKLEBERRY?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:25 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Wendy,
Yes I really did eat all the goo. if you've ever made hard candy --- and i have, in fact i had a business going in junior high school --- i made big suckers that i sold for 50 cents a peice, you would know that the sugar syrup needs to be heated up to 300 some odd degrees to reach the "hard crack" stage, if you take it of before it reaches that temperature you get a reall stiff goo, be cause i was making suckers at the time i immediately recognized the goo and i was right. nobody ever believes that story and it makes me want to punch them in the face.

not you though, i'd just push you and give you an indian burn.

-----------------

Francine Ocelot,
i like janice now because she mentioned my name in conjunction with panties and some homo named patrick. i can roll with that.

peace nig!

-----------------------

marriedman turbo charged!,

that may be the most romantic poem anyone has ever made for me. i'm speechless -- sigh.

----------------------

gabrielle
wait a minute, first you say that these and the "if i was" are your favorites and now your saying you miss longer booger stories. your never happy are you.

--------------------

Donkey Kong,
thanks dude. and by thanks i mean franks and by franks i mean look at my dick.

--------------------------

Allison S,
i heard -- stop breathing on my blog please.

--------------------

merry jane,
there will be tons of food -- but lets face it -- you're stuck in chicago. say hi to scottie and eleanor.

btw other people -- scottie is my "god daughter" even though no catholics are involved. eleanor is scotties grandmother who is eleanor clift, the famous pundit and whitehouse correspondent and political talking head who is featured on the McGlauflin group or however the fuck you spell it -- you know -- on pbs. i think it's hilarious that eleanors granddaughter has a dude like me for a godfather.

it's oh so scandalous.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:09 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

oops -- also -- scottie is merry janes daughter. but you probably figgered that out.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:10 AM

Wendy is a gaywad.

NO WAY! that is fucking cool man. I think that impresses me more than you being best buds with the rock stars! Too cool.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:52 AM

fugusashi is a gaywad.

I think I like the barbie doll/ blow torch confession the best.

I never had a doll that my brother didn't send to the crematorium. He ususally shaved their heads first, too. I always started out crying, but ended up laughing instead. I was never really into dolls, anyway.

We weren't disfunctional. Dolls are weird.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:49 PM

~*Bettie is a gaywad.

Oh mi gawd!!!!

I so just ate way too much turkey!

Merkles, lover?
I love you like lil rays of sunshine on my face.
I love you like a gental breeze through my hair.
I love you like I love that first pee when you get out of bed.
I love you like I love my big giant comforter. . . .
I. . .Love you. . .like . . ***zzZZzzzZZZZZzzzzzzzz***

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:38 PM

poopee shmoopee is a gaywad.

when i was 7, my brother was 4 and always wanted to play barbies with my friends and i. except my parents were too cheap to get me a ken doll, so i had this beat up old barbie with cut hair-plug hair that he would use. except that since my brother insisted on being "the boy" barbie, and i had no boy clothes he always insisted his barbie be naked.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:10 PM

fugusashi is a gaywad.

Merkley, I hope you don't mind if I talk to the Schmoopster...

Poopee, Ken was so campy! GI Joe was the way to go with Barbie parties.

(I'll bet Ken is doing Barbie's Thanksgiving after dinner clean-up right now. Meanwhile, GI Joe has his feet kicked up on the coffee table telling outrageous stories.)

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:47 PM

Dashiell is a gaywad.

i keep waiting for the day when i see one of my grade school photos here. then i will hunt you down and poop on your lawn.

just kidding ... i never went to grade school.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:10 PM

poopee shmoopee is a gaywad.

i love my boobs

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:27 PM

poopee shmoopee is a gaywad.

paula - he tried the gi joes but kept getting upset about how small joe was compared to the girls.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:28 PM

fugusashi is a gaywad.

Poopee,

After I posted my original comment to you, I realized that we were probably suffering from a "generational GI Joe Gap". In my day, way back in the late sixties, GI Joe was a full two centimeters taller than Barbie and Ken. He was a powerhouse of plastic He-Maleness. He even had visible scars. He exuded masculinity from every nonexistant pore on his body.

Why did the powers that be shrink poor Joe to Lilliputian proportions? Hmmm. Because Barbie and Joe were having too much fun, perhaps?

Who knows?

Joe was probably overcompensating, anyway.

These are complicated philisophical issues. Please read my thesis on the subject at my blog.

Good night, and good luck.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:32 PM

MPD is a gaywad.

Im fond of the cocoanut chapstick myself. That shit rules

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:50 PM

Professor Leotus Clouse & The Duke of Sweet Cheeks is a gaywad.

I had a collection of soda flavored chapsticks way back in the day, the best was Dr. Pepper, even though I hardly ever drank the shit, the ladies loved it.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:10 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Wendy,
maybe i should eat stretchh armstrongs out in public. then everyone would think i was awesome.

-------------------------

*badgirl,
wake up. did you fall asleep? i was liking where that poem was going, especially the part about pee shivers.

-------------------------

poopee shmoopee,
GI joe was cool. once we filled one with red paint and strapped a firecracker to his back and threw him up in the air but when he exploded it didnt really look that cool but i got red paint on my shirt and hence in big trouble. the remains look kinda cool, but not as cool as i imagined.

-------------------------

Dashiell,
an alternative punch line could have been, just kidding, i don't know how to poop.

see -- that's waht you call being a jerk -- giving an alternative punchline is total jerk behavior.

-----------------------

poopee shmoopee,

i'm glad you love your boobs -- feel free to share them with the rest of the class.

---------------

MPD,
agreed -- coconut chapstick is yummy. but on that note i should say that coconut suntan lotion does not taste good at all.

-------------------------

Professor Leotus Clouse & The Duke of Sweet Cheeks,
did you know that dr. pepper is supposed to taste like plums? that's what i heard anyway..

------------------

paula,
please just leave me alone. it can't be that hard. i can't prevent you from reading, i don't have the energy to delete all of your comments and i don't feel like switching to a comment system where i have to moderate and block people.

it's not nice to force your way into someone's life. it never works out when you do anyway.

just please -- enough is enough. leave me alone.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:10 AM

The Bees Knees is a gaywad.

you know you've crossed the line when Merkley asked to be left alone.

freckley, where's the promised childhood photo?!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:43 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

holly,
oh yeah, next time i do one of the kids konfessions things i'll use my own picture.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:16 PM

fugusashi is a gaywad.

Okay. This is my last comment.

You said:

"i don't have the energy to delete all of your comments"

I think it's interesting that you don't have the time to delete my comments, but you can find the time to repost comments that I myself have deleted.

You've played a game with me. Admit it. Oh, what's the point in asking you to do that? You NEVER admit to anything.

And Holly, Merkley has crossed plent of lines, too. He just gets away with it.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:53 PM

gaby is a gaywad.

i can like the advertisements but still want the real thing, you know merkley? these posts are teasers--one liners on some crazy kidlet story.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:24 PM