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November 07, 2005

What Kind of fucked Up Bag of Dicks Word Has 2 letter "U"s Right In a ROW???!!!

So some random name appeared in my IM buddies list and I investigated and it turns out it was this chick who I didn't know and to whom I dropped a quick note one day to thank her for linking me. She never responded til I investigated. She didn't deserve this:

merkley???: i should just start bugging the crap out of you now
merkley???: you know
merkley???: for no reason at all
RandomVictim: oh, excellent idea
merkley???: you probably deserve it
RandomVictim: what the fuck are you?
RandomVictim: CATHOLIC?
merkley???: somewhere along the line you probably bugged the crap out of someone else.
merkley???: pretend i'm poking you in the chest
merkley???: in the sternum
RandomVictim: okay...
merkley???: annoying isnt it?
RandomVictim: haha
RandomVictim: pretend i shot you in the head
RandomVictim: yay, no more annoyance!
merkley???: thats not annoying unless you did it with a squirt gun filled with stinky spit.
merkley???: even more annoying if you just pointed it at me without shooting it.

merkley???: now i have a rubberband and i'm pointing it at your eye
merkley???: squinting means you're gay
merkley???: ha ha
merkley???: you squinted
merkley???: gay
RandomVictim: i can't believe you just called me gay
merkley???: i know
merkley???: it's hard to belive
merkley???: i can barely believe it myself
merkley???: holy crap
merkley???: guess what...
merkley???: dude
merkley???: dude!
merkley???: dude!!
merkley???: dude!!!
merkley???: how can i bug you if you ignore me?
RandomVictim: what?
RandomVictim: sorry i'm writing something
merkley???: guess what...
RandomVictim: what?
merkley???: chicken butt
merkley???: guess why..
merkley???: chicken thigh
merkley???: guess whahina
merkley???: chicken vagina
merkley???: there
merkley???: that's the joke
merkley???: i was too impatient to wait for you to respond.
RandomVictim: ha
RandomVictim: ha
RandomVictim: ha
merkley???: when YOU tell it you can also add in "guess whahenis -- chicken penis"
RandomVictim: that's actually funny.
merkley???: that's because i invented it.
RandomVictim: congratulations

merkley???: now pretend i'm lightly flicking your ear and making a loud snort noise
merkley???: now i'm taking little round orange stickers and putting them in the back of your hair so you look stupid when you go to school
RandomVictim: are you ever going to get tired of this?
merkley???: i grew up with a lot of sisters
merkley???: they would tell you no
RandomVictim: how many?
merkley???: i have 17 siblings
merkley???: i know how to bug
RandomVictim: wow you really are catholic
RandomVictim: or a liar
merkley???: mormon dood
RandomVictim: same thing
RandomVictim: do you actually have 17 siblings?
RandomVictim: that seems a little, i don't know, fucking crazy
merkley???: with steps included -- yes
RandomVictim: oh, stepsiblings
RandomVictim: ew
merkley???: invaders
merkley???: whatcha writin -- huh --- huh --- huh ---?
merkley???: huh?
merkley???: huh?
merkley???: huh?
merkley???: huh?
merkley???: huh?
merkley???: huh?
RandomVictim: i'm writing for a website... but it's not up yet so maybe i can't tell you.
merkley???: oooh
merkley???: a seeeecret
merkley???: i used to bug my mom until she cried.
merkley???: and then i'd keep doing it until she laughed.
merkley???: and then she'd cry because i made her laugh when she was mad.
RandomVictim: i can't believe you had a mom.
RandomVictim: you have no manners!
merkley???: i know
RandomVictim: that's okay
merkley???: tell me about it
RandomVictim: you're amusing
merkley???: sheesh
RandomVictim: crazies always make me laugh
merkley???: YOU'RE crazy
merkley???: i'm awesome
merkley???: way different
RandomVictim: i am not crazy!
RandomVictim: well
RandomVictim: not compared to you
RandomVictim: compared to you, courtney love is a shining example of mental togetherness
merkley???: you WISH!!!

merkley???: ok now pretend i'm vaccuming
merkley???: and i keep getting close to where your feet are
merkley???: and you lift them up
merkley???: but i dont vaccum underneath them
merkley???: and I do it ten times
merkley???: until you give up
merkley???: and stop lifting them
merkley???: and then i bump into the sides of your feet until you lift them again
merkley???: but again i dont vaccum underneath your stupid feet
merkley???: but this time when you try to put them down, i hurry and shove the vaccum under them and leave it running but i leave the room and turn off the lights.
merkley???: holy shit i'm good at this
RandomVictim: yeah you really are
merkley???: now i wish i had a vaccum
merkley???: am i even spelling that right? where's my dictionary?
merkley???: i knew that was wrong
merkley???: vacuum has two "U"s not two "C"s.
merkley???: but you just let me go on spelling it wrong like an ass.
merkley???: what the fuck kind of bag of dicks word has two "U"s right in a row???
merkley???: i'll tell you what kind of word!:
merkley???: a word that SUCKS!!!
merkley???: HO
merkley???: LEE
merkley???: FUCK
merkley???: i am a genius
merkley???: i just made that up
merkley???: i could write jokes for a gum company.

That's all for now!
Don't get caught raping a termite mound!
Your Overly Pleasant Cruise Director,

Anonymous Adrian is a gaywad.

I can't believe that i not only clicked that link, but that i also read most of that post. i don't know who i'm angrier at, you, that girl or myself. secretly i know its me but accepting blame is for responsible adults.


Blogger Virgle Kent is a gaywad.

Good God Merkley?? This blog with all these beautiful women you put up every day is the only thing that keeps me from slitting my wrist on my keyboard everyday while I look at excel spreadsheets for 10 hours a day. Please keep up the good work. Oh yeah I’ve been meaning to ask do these girls like you for you’re incredibly witty humor (poop jokes), or do they like you for the camera?


Blogger gabrielle is a gaywad.

can't you come up with original IMs merkley?


Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

you are angry at the army of hotdogs crammed up your butt. get a mirror and take a look if you don't believe me.


Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

they like me because of my notoriously adorable weeliepud and unstoppable dorito-like pheremones.


Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

i'll tell you what -- you come up with an original personality and pleasant disposition and i'll put a smidge more effort into keeping you all twinkly and gay -- ok? ok.

now shut the hell up.


Blogger Wendy is a gaywad.

I learned more about you in this one post than I have in all the other posts combined. I learned that you and I were separated at birth. (which is amazing because we are a year apart in age and I was born here and you were born "there".)I too annoyed my siblings relentlessly as a child. And, I too was Morman!

I do the vacuum thing to my husband even now as an adult. It is so awesome.


Blogger heather is a gaywad.

i thought i told you to stop harrassing my little sister.


Blogger Satan is a gaywad.

It's like I'm your lost cum-towel child. Why did you leave that towel in the change rooms for that poor woman to use?

All these years she thought it was immaculate conception, but it was just you being a Perv wasn't it?

Yes it was!



Blogger bardot is a gaywad.

"vac-cum". eheheheh.

you're such as scenester, merkley. i love it.


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