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November 01, 2005

You IDIOT!!

One day, when I was about 16, my little brother John was painting a little plastic toy car on the brand new coffee table my dad just bought. My Dad entered the room and said quite calmly:

"John, don't do that. You're gonna spill paint and wreck the new coffee table.

John kept painting. Ten minutes later Dad returned.

"John -- I'm telling you -- you're gonna spill that paint and wreck the new coffee table."

John moaned:

"Uuuuuuhhhhg pffffft -- no I'm not. I'm not an IDIOT!"

The rest of the kids watched John continue to paint out of the corners of our eyes as we watched cartoons. Everyone took their turn reminding John that he was in fact an idiot and was going to spill the paint --- like an idiot.

Ten minutes later -------------------- like an idiot, --- John spilled the paint.

All the other kids, myself included, now unloaded on John, completely justified in calling him Stupid and Idiot and Faggot and Dumb Piece of Crap....

Dad walked in with a glass of water.

Silence filled the room. We all waited for the glorious show that would hopefully highlight just to what degree John was in fact a total and complete IDIOT.

Dad placed the glass of water on the brand new paint covered coffee table.

The silence was deafening.

Dad says:

"Hmmmmppfff, well I'll be.... -- I was wrong, ------- table still works. Lay off John you guys."

Annnnnd that was how my Dad maintained hero status amongst his children.

John cleaned every single smidge of paint off the table without being asked.

My dad is no idiot.

The End









On Halloween, I went to a goth party dressed as the dude who beats the shit out of fags and goths. I talked like Willy Jo the whole night -- I was amongst a billion zombies and vampires and yet I was easily the scariest dude in the room. I could smell the pee. Goth's don't have a sense of humor, I guess that's why they are goths.



Before I go -- Click HERE to see the scandalous photos not suitable for a family friendly blog such as this.

That's all for now!
Don't get caught beating yourself up when you fuck up even after having been warned in front of everyone many times!
Your Favorite Country Music Legend Who Really Loves His Dad,
merkley???

FUCK FRANCINE!!:
Anonymous b is a gaywad.

What a fucker. I thought you were finally giving us what we've all been waiting for.

 

Blogger francine o. is a gaywad.

i always like how everyone looks well hydrated in the photos. like, covered in whipped silk body creme. or a jar of oil of olay like my grandma.

 

Blogger Lake Allison is a gaywad.

I don't want kicks in the pants.
I don't even wear pants.
=(

I want pictures of boobies and weewop!
And 22 dollars.
Or your cowboy hat.

 

Blogger Lake Allison is a gaywad.

And the link to your homo error message doesn't work.

I tried to put it on my blog and it took me to a desolate empty screen.

 

Anonymous melina is a gaywad.

i loved your multiple windows dialog boxes!

i felt like such an, um, IDIOT.

Oooh! my word verification says "onusfev"...sounds kind of hebrew-y anus-y.

 

Blogger Wendy is a gaywad.

sweet story. Good life lesson. Don't sweat the small stuff, at least not around your Dad cuz he is cool. Sweat it around me cuz I'll fuck up anyone who ruins my new coffee table! Be warned!

 

Blogger Wendy is a gaywad.

oh, and what the hell is "b" talking about? What are "we" waiting for?

 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

b,
ha ha -- tricked you.


Francine Ocelot,
how did you figure it out? dammit. oil of olay by the drum dear.


Allison,
a kick in the skirt sounds kinda sticky. and as for the link -- well -- it's not like i'm gonna fix it. i'm too lazy for that.

---------------------


melina,
"hebrewy -- anusy" -- don't be so redundant all the god damned time.


Wendy,
i know you hate the photos of pretty girls. but there's no need to feel offended that someone might assume that everyone likes boobs -- MOSTLY everyone does.

B, in the future please do not include Wendy in your WEs please. she is getting mad.

 

Blogger Wendy is a gaywad.

dude, what are you talking about? I never said I hated the pretty girl pictures. I happen to love boobs. I have boobs. Boobs are mushy and comfy and guys seem to like that chicks have them. What is to hate about that?

I'm not mad. I'm glad...I strive at being part of "we". I just wanted to know what "we" were waiting for...Boobs? Well, hell. No need to wait, I already got those.

oh, oh, oh! I forgot to ask, did you call the goths "Quars"? I bet that was awesome.

 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

wendy,

boobhater.

yes -- i called all the goths fayggits and quars.

i totally channeled willy jo.

 

Blogger Wendy is a gaywad.

fine! I hate boobs and all they stand for. I hate milk, sex, and, uhhhhhhhhh, milk and sex.

Take a pic of a weiner dammit, I ain't "quar" ya know.

 

Blogger Dashiell is a gaywad.

Where's Charlie's fiddle? And what does it say on your friend's name tag? And why can't your other friend button her shirt properly? Is there something wrong with her thumbs?

 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

dash,
emmily-betty's name tag is supposed to be a mormon missionary tag. ha ha -- funny thing is, that big hairy dude sitting next to her has a real missionary tag in his pocket from when he was an actual mormon misionary in brazil.

i agree about the button thing -- i was trying to get her to unbutton a few more too. she's so up tight and modest that jenny young.

 

Blogger marriedman is a gaywad.

damnit, I did that thing this morning, and I forgot to comment. i'm such a bitch. fuck me now satan.

anyway, i put it on my site. but i didn't use the bush thing.

anus

 

Blogger Satan is a gaywad.

Yeah, great story, the exact same thing happended to me as a kid. My dad beat me with the table until it didn't work anymore. I totally love how my ddady gave me a loving of bondage... and that's how he maintained hero status in our house.

 

Blogger francine o. is a gaywad.

the chick in the first photo totally has a ghost orb on her nipple.

 

Blogger merkley??? is a gaywad.

well for some reason i am unable to post new blog entries --- which is fine i suppose because i basically just have more pictures of ugly bitches and nothing funny to say anyway.

 

Anonymous GABY! is a gaywad.

you look like my grandfather, very impressive sir.

 

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