If I Was A Hippie Dude's Pickle While Reading This Blog Post...

If I was a Hippie Girl's Armpit Hair, I'd probably go "HA HA HA MOTHERFUCKERS!! GUESS WHO AIN'T GOIN NOWHERES!! HA HA HA" but then I'd feel faint and dizzy because when you laugh really hard you have to breathe in really hard and then I'd think, "Fuck this stank ass bacteria shit , I'm outta here." and then I'd jump out of her armpit and into your BK Veggie Burger.

If I was VIOLENCE, every time some hippie CockBurger said to me; "You don't solve anything", I'd take my *V* and I'd shove it pointy side in into his mouth, spreading it open like a grinning idiot, then I'd take my *I* and beat him over the head with it, then I'd take my *O* and put it around his neck and I'd tighten it up all the way, then I'd cram the foot part of my *L* up his ass, then I'd fork my first *E* into his left elbow pinning him to the wall, then I'd staple his dick to the floor with my *N*, then I'd thread my *C* into his mouth and out his neck, and then finally fork my last *E* into his right elbow pinning it to the wall. Then I'd just stand there and giggle to myself: "heehee, "Actions Speak Louder Than Words", heh heh heh, who came up with that bullshit?"

If I was TRANSCENDENTALISM, I'd whisper into the wind: "You can't even prove that last joke happened. Maybe it was all in your mind. Maybe your spirit MADE it happen and therefore it's the only thing that EVER happened thaaat reeeally maaaatterrrrssssssss. There's reeeeally nooooo waaaaaayyyyy oooffff knooooooooowwwwiiiiinnnnnng."

If I was a Monarch I'd declare: "I will use all the power of the military of this kingdom to hunt, find and destroy VIOLENCE and TRANSCENDENTALISM wherever they may dwell" and then I'd sit back in my throne and be all "Whoa, trippy, none of that even makes sense. How is it that I can even be a king? King of WHAT? Maybe *I* am Violence." Then I'd beat the crap out of the court jester, have sex with a bunch of hot peasant broads and kill myself.

If I was A Hippie Dudes Pickle While Reading This Blog Post, I'd be all -- boner on the first one, not boner on the second one, huge boner on the third one, confused half boner till the peasant part of the fourth one then gigantic boner thinking about the court jesters hat, and then I'd get to this one and I'd totally french fry my spud reading about myself reading this post. It'd be totally spiritual, almost transcendental really.

Favorite typo from this post:
Burher King.

That's all for now!
Don't get caught asking some random IM chick for three nouns and then writing a whole hippie Burger King post around them because you already wrote the hippie armpit one before you asked her.
Your Favorite Who Wants To Be A Millionaire Lifeline,
Conrad "CockBurger" Bain