A Really Sincere, Not Meant To Be Funny, Letter That I Just Wrote To My Very Very Good Friend, The Poop Joke.
Oh Poop Joke I just think you are tops! -- Who gives a fuck about the stuffy hunchbacked old ladies, the stodgy politicians, the snobby comedian types that dis you and me and say that we are are unadvanced, juvenille and silly, and that it's all just too easy. You and I, we know they are full of shit, we're easy like sunday morning.
Just turn down the lights and fire up the dutch oven, laughing (or choking) WILL ensue. We know what's up Poop Joke. They can make their jokes about popular culture, they can whine about celebrities outfits and bag on their contemporaries until the cow turds come home but you and I -- we know about HISTORY.
We don't go for trend you and I poop joke. People like us have been around for centuries. Long before Snarky McCollege was making fun of Lindsay Lohan's weird boobs (bad example), Jesus and his gay disciples were laughing at pita bread farts. Long before Ironic DelTaco was making witty jokes about terror alerts, and bagging on greasedicked hipsters, a young Mark Twain was lighting bags of poop on fire and putting them on his neighbor's raft. Poop joke, you and I -- we know how to laugh really hard at really good honest farts. We don't think we are better than other people, we just know how to have more fun, enjoy our buttholes and tear shit up which means we ARE better than other people.
You wanna know why everyone likes us? Because we don't even need to try to be funny, we just ARE funny and we will always be funny. The only people that pretend not to like us don't have any friends anyway. We're like the only creatures on the planet that cause people discomfort due to the effort needed to NOT laugh at us. It's so strange the courage and bravery and honor that it takes to be like us isn't it Poop Joke? It actually takes balls to stick with the likes of you and me Poop Joke.
Let those smartass comedians and comedy writers bag on us all they want, but Poop Joke, ultimately we'll get the really cool chicks, you know, the kind that don't freak out when we get skidmarks. The kind that can eat anywhere and fart in any kind of car. The kind that aren't fake depressed, chasing trends, career and making crappy graphic design. We get the good chicks, the kind that don't wear those dumb fucking librarian glasses and the kind that do wear those awesome librarian glasses.
We can be poor as fuck and still bag the hottest babes, it's a glorious fact. You and I can walk into a room and immediately separate the turds from the brie and even though that last thing I said didn't make one ounce of sense it doesn't matter because you and I don't need to make no bleeding sense, we just need to be who we really are and that is completely perfect.
I love you poop joke, I really really do. Those motherfuckers that can't hang, those insecure scrotumbowls that think that by not laughing with us that they are being really smart and mature and stuff are only missing out. They will all be divorced and depressed in two seconds because they can't smell the awesomeness that is the Poop Joke. Their noses are plugged and it is sad.
Poop joke, I'm glad WE aren't sad. Even when we do get sad now and then, all we have to do is laugh at ourselves and we immediately become happy again, especially when we make poop NOISES. Oh man, we love that shit. We know what's funny. Let's go get a burrito, pick up on chicks and fart for twenty hours straight ok Poop Joke?
That's all for now!
Don't get caught lashing out at your good friends Lydia, Alex, and Will just because they don't understand the highly evolved nature of poop!
Your Extremely Academic Intellecual Negro Who Refuses To Say *Scatalogical* Because *POOP* Is One Billion Times Funnier And Twice As Efficient GAYWADS!!
Tom Brokaw
