merkley???: I May Not Be God, But at Least I'm Real.: June 2005

June 30, 2005

Glue Factory Bob & Dog Food Dale

Glue Factory Bob and his brother Dog Food Dale are associates of mine. I can vouch for their collective hatred of horses. I once saw Glue Factory Bob disembowl a white horse with a spoon. He threw the guts at me, and although they were stinky and warm and the whole thing made me vomit, I have to admit, it was pretty funny, They are always doing shit like that.

Before you get all judgemental on Bob or Dale, they really do work in their stated professions. go lick a stamp to taste some of Bob's best work. Ask your dog how he feels about Dale.

But for the record, I do not agree with them or the things they write on their somewhat amusing horse hating blog, but because they are awesome human beings and they make me laugh as they say the most hilarious things as they beat the fuck out of the horses they encounter, I will side with them NOT YOU!!

I don't know where they live so don't ask.

That's all for now.

Don't get caught not laughing just because some stupid creature (no matter how cute) gets his guts ripped out.

Your brother in hating horses,

merkley???

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

Glue Factory Bob is a gaywad.

thanks for the link dickhead.

we linked you back.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:37 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

you're welcome dickhead

you are the biggest asshole and waste of meat i ever met.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:37 AM

Dashiell is a gaywad.

Who knew that horses could be so sticky?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:32 AM

.Ophelia. is a gaywad.

I have seen you around...and this is the first time Ive ever seen your place. *looks around* mind if I link you?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:46 AM

Anonymous is a gaywad.

1. Pick something completely arbitrary as your subject matter, eg ninjas, horses or David Hasselhoff.

2. Take an extreme and entirely unwarrented stance about your chosen subject. Either extreme love or extreme hatred works best.

3. Write an enourmous volume of material (maintaining the tone of your chosen stance) in a slightly child-like and illiterate fashion.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:05 AM

Dashiell is a gaywad.

Well done, Anonymous! You've cracked the Code of the Internet! Bravo!

btw, i apologize for my jackassery this week.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:01 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

ophelia,

mind? i insist,

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:49 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

anonymous,

so what are you trying to say? i'm a genius?

sheesh.

tell me something i don't know.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:50 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

dash,

not only do you not need to apologize for jackassery, i think you deserve to be commended. i can't be the only jack ass. it makes me insecure.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:51 PM

Krista is a gaywad.

weird.
How far can a horsehating blog really go?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:53 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

krista,

well, it CAN go much farther.

I think the question is how far SHOULD it go.

personally i would say oh -- maybe one third less reading would have been sufficient.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:56 PM

gaby is a gaywad.

i think cows and horses should breed and make a corse, which would curse and spit and generally behave in an ill-raised manner.

thank you.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:56 AM

William Bunkton is a gaywad.

Anonymous said...
1. Pick something completely arbitrary as your subject matter, eg ninjas, horses or David Hasselhoff.

2. Take an extreme and entirely unwarrented stance about your chosen subject. Either extreme love or extreme hatred works best.

3. Write an enourmous volume of material (maintaining the tone of your chosen stance) in a slightly child-like and illiterate fashion.

I liked this post. I really did.

But when you are on your deathbead, like I am... you like anything.

Even farts.

But seriously, I did like that post.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:05 AM

Plodmotstatical.

It's fun to put exclamation points after the word LAZY!!

Anyway, I am so LAZY!!!! that I am just going to use a comment I made on Bridget's blog as my actual blog post. If you don't like it. Suck on a turd.

Her post was called "Bad Words Nobody Knows" and this was my comment.

Here is a bad word nobody knows:

Plodmotstatical.

So few people know that word that even I don't know that word and I'm the one who just made it up.

Well I guess I know it now, especially if I read it again.

Ok I just read it again.

Although the chances I will remember in the future are pretty low, since its not very easy to say. I should have taken more time to make up a good word that would roll off the tongue like the word "BUTTER" for example. But I was too excited to get to this part of my comment, which is this part that I am typing right now.

also, if I was smart I would have given my word some type of definition, that is usually one of the best ways to keep a word around and make it popular. I suppose its nice to just have a word that means absolutely nothing.

I'm not sure how you would use a word like "plodmotstatical" in everyday language. Most likely we have already witnessed that word at the top of its game.

Wow.

Ouch.

And it was just born too. Nothing to look forward to, all it's best moments behind it. Born only to die on a little comment on a little post on a little blog on the huge, enormous, porny, internet.

Nobody is ever gonna google "plodmotstatical". But then again, who would have thought that the word "google" would get so huge?

Still, more than likely nobody is ever gonna say:

"Hmmmm now what's the word I'm looking for? (snaps fingers five times because that helps humans remember things) --- oh yeah, PLODMOTSTATICAL! -- that's it! Now what was I saying?"

The really sad part is that I invented that word and in the last paragraph even I, the word's own creator, had to scroll up to remember what it was, even as I was making the point that somebody else would have a hard time remembering what it was.

That word truly is fucked.

Now I'm bummed out. This whole comment, on that word, that I made up, that nobody knows, has made me realize my own insignificance in the whole scheme of things. I feel like NOTHING really means anything and that there is really no point to ANYTHING.

I think I feel , ohh --- I don't know --- there aren't really any words to describe how I am feeling..

Heeeeeyyyyyy, wait a minute --- looky there...

I think I am definitely feeling PLODMOTSTATICAL!!. Because I feel like I have no meaning and that word has no meaning which makes it an appropriate word to describe how I feel.

Crap.

But now that means that it has a meaning which means I can't use it to relate the idea of not having meaning.

I have a terrible headache now.

I'm gonna take a nap.

You know, that arm zit is right. You can learn a lot from an arm zit if you just listen.

Thank you arm zit. Thank you very much.

That's all for now!
Don't get caught reposting stupid comments you made on somebody else's blog as an excuse not to write something interesting!
Your LAZY FUCKING GOD DAMNED LAZY LAZER,
merkley???

(Best part is, when I was doing spell check, when it came to "plodmotstatical" it had no suggestions and asked me if it should "learn the word". HELL FUCKING YES LEARN THE WORD! Even better was later on in the post I had it spelled wrong and spell check REBUKED ME!!)

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

Dashiell is a gaywad.

The active ingredient in most antiperspirant/deodorants is aluminum zirconium. This is the stuff that keeps you from sweating, and pretty much every deodorant on the market has it in some form. (Men's deodorants anyway. I don't know what the womens use. Probably some sort of magical pixie dust that is left over when unicorns make love and leaves the ladies smelling like a beautiful garden after a fresh spring rain. That's just a guess.)

Recently, I discovered this fact and the fact that while all antiperspirants have aluminum zirconium, they don't all have it in the same proportion. It can be anywhere from 14 to 18% of the solution. I discovered this because I had purchased an antiperspirant that was not getting the job done. I kept getting those annoying little beads of cold sweat that run down my side, even when sitting in an air-conditioned room. So when I went to buy more I checked out the brands and noticed the different levels of this miracle ingredient and that my particular brand was lacking.

Now, here's my question. If aluminum zirconium stops you from sweating, and the makers of these products know this, why wouldn't you put as much of this stuff as possible in your product, thereby making it as effective as possible, thereby making your product the best? Isn't that just common sense? Each brand has it's own special formula of ingredients, but they all have the same active ingredient, which is all that really matters. That's why it's called the "active" ingredient, not the "shit that doesn't do anything." So what gives? It can't be a cost issue, because the brand I found that had the most AZ, wasn't the most expensive. So why do these companies knowingly put out a sub-standard product? It boggles the mind.

The brand I found that had the most aluminum zirconium? Old Spice High Endurance. So guess what? I bought it and it works great. Best deodorant I've ever used. All those other brands can suck on it.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 6:55 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

dash,
I believe your comment was exactly right on topic and i thank you for your insights regarding the problems listed throughout my long post.

oh yeah, deodorant is for pussies and queers and girls you homo.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:15 AM

choc-full-o-nutty-nuts is a gaywad.

I once knew a man named Count Vladsky
Who was charming, and funny and badsky,
I stuck out my tongue
And ended our fun
But I hope he won’t always stay madsky.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:25 AM

choc-full-o-nutty-nuts is a gaywad.

I didn't make up any bad words, but I did make up that really bad limerick.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:26 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

paula,

vladski ain't never been mad at nobody.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:30 AM

Wendy is a gaywad.

I really like the exclamation points after "LAZY!!". It's very oxymoronic. (get it? Oxy as in OxyClear the shit that cures acne and moronic as in well, um, you know...)

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:31 AM

Wendy is a gaywad.

dashiell, I warned you of the crunchy armpits...

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:31 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

now why would i go and include a photo on my own blog that when i look at it, it makes me want to barf?

what the hell is wrong with me?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:35 AM

Dashiell is a gaywad.

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought posting your own blog posts in someone else's comments section was the cool thing to do now. My bad.

And yes, my arm pits are now crusty. From now on I will clear all personal hygenine decisions through Wendy. I'm so stupid!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:27 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Dash,

NO -- YOU ARE RIGHT!! IT IS THE LATEST FASHION!!

I'm so glad you picked up on the subtleness hidden under all the hilarity of my fake word post.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:31 AM

Bridget is a gaywad.

I already told Dashiell about the state of my pits.
my word is "Yowmhay" its from the Chico State secret langauge from the 1980's (again with the 80's)

it means letting off steam, sexually or alcoholically. as in "I really got my youmhays off at the frat party"

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:53 AM

Kevin is a gaywad.

Plodmotstatical.

Did you happen to pick this word apart or really figure out the seperate meaning of it's parts?

Plod- to work laboriously without much headway.

Mot- A witty or clever word or saying

Static- unmoving (adding the -al makes it static like)

Therefore, the definition that you made up clearly makes sense,

A clever word (mot) that will likely go nowhere (static) and makes you wonder if everything you do takes you nowhere and therefore; makes you ponder the meaning of your existence. (plod)

Poo, pee, poo-pee, poo and pee, poo pee do do, do pee, do poo, Zip-a-dee-do-dah. Poo on a Stick!

Ok, I just added the above silliness to add levity to this very serious situation.

Kevin

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:42 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

wendy,

oxymoron with zits -- nice.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:20 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

bridget.

are you making up words? becuase thats what we do over here. we make up words to sound weird and smart. who has time to actually be weird and smart.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:21 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

kevin,

thank you for pointing out that i am a genius completely on accident.

i wonder how many other genius things i do completely on accident.

i better stop flushing the toilet just in case.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:23 PM

William Bunkton is a gaywad.

If 'Plodmotstatical' was a little less 'wordy' and a bit more 'oceany', you could drown in it.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:45 AM

June 26, 2005

Happy Fag Day!!

For all my homo friends (and I have at least one (I think)), but this is not to them but anyone and everyone who is so in the dark that they can't see their hand (job) in front of their face:

If you can't understand that boners and buzzing hoo haws will happen with or without your approval;
FUCK OFF!!
And if you don't understand that;
FUCK OFF TWICE!!
I'm as straight as a curvy penis but I couldn't be more serious, and I couldn't be more full of shit -- --- I mean love, no. SHIT --- ha ha ha SHIT!! Actually, I am filled with MEAT AND BONES AND BLOOD AND POOP AND BILE!!! YAY! YOU TOO!! WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON!!

But I'm not saying I have a boner or anything because I definitely don't. Well I didn't when I started typing that sentence anyway, I don't really have one now either, but you know how when you start talking about getting a boner you sometimes kinda do get a boner? Yeah, well that's kinda what it was like, it wasn't sexual or anything. Look you people are starting to make me uncomfortable. Seriously, Stop thinking about my genitals. It's creeping me out.

Left: Elvis Presley Right: Some useless Gay Homo Fag.
Awwwe, how precious, two stars wearing stripes. It's like 1776 all over again. Where is my wig? BETSY!! Put on some disco, take off your shirt and get over here and star spangle my boner!

People, seriously, time to grow up!! Stop thinkng about my privates. We're not even married.

As every single person who reads this piece of shit blog sighs "duh".

EGADS!

Holy Dykes! That's all for now!

Don't get caught giving your handsome pool boy/girl/transgenderish/whatchamacollie a hand job (or rubber hose job) as you talk shit on the gays!!

Your Master of Preaching The Obvious,

merkley???

Now go hug a FAG!! Or at least beat one up!

Look, let's just get one thing straight, (get it?)I live in San Francisco. I'm gonna be talking about the gays.

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

Anonymous is a gaywad.

dood,
nobody cares about fag day ya dumb homo! Shut up and write something funny.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:58 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

you're right. poor homos.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:06 AM

funkybiznatch is a gaywad.

Fag Day, Fag Day, Crazy, Colorful Fag Day.
Fag Day, Fag Day Eat Them Up Yum!

Reading this made me think of the fish heads song...I don't know why. But it did.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 6:44 PM

Bridget is a gaywad.

Merkley and I went out for slabs of meat to celebrate how ungay we are.
too bad we couldnt prove our ungayness in an un-gay way..
huh?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:00 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

somebody said there was a problem with posting comments. lets just see about that with this little test.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:45 PM

Bridget is a gaywad.

did we or did we not have a completely hetro homo day?
merkley? Dave? Buddy?
I feel so lost, why won't you answer?

speak to me

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:54 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

funky,

funny, everytime i hear the fisheads song i thing of lesbians.

weeeeeiiiird.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:34 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

bridget,

slab of meat? slab of meat? is that what you call that thing you were doing to me with that beef tounge?

it's really not that creative. you can come up with a better name for it than that.

that shit could blow up and get HUGE!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:37 AM

Dashiell is a gaywad.

This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:34 AM

Dashiell is a gaywad.

I don't trust fags. Anyone who doesn't like vagina is sick and twisted.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:37 AM

Wendy is a gaywad.

I'm able to post! What did I miss? Oh yeah, are all lesbians boobs that ugly? (whew, I've been wanting to get that off my chest)

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:54 PM

fugusashi is a gaywad.

Uh, thanks, Wendy. This is a picture of me and my sorority sisters celebrating fag day here in Texas. I'm the third dyke from the left. Merkley swore he wouldn't post this on the internet.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:52 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

wendy,

no, definitely not. lot's of lesbians have terrific boobs, unfortunately just not the ones in the gay parade. also, some lesbians have penises for boobs and some have testicles for boobs and some have cancer for boobs.

but we don't talk about cancer because it's tooooo funny and i'll never be able to stop giggling.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:19 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

paula,

i thought you said "please post this picture of me on the internet blog"

whatever, damage is done.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:20 PM

William Bunkton is a gaywad.

'two stars wearing stripes. It's like 1776 all over again'

ha ha ha!

also, I still can’t post on your blog. I don’t even know how you are reading this because it didn’t get through at all.

and as for gays... as long as they don’t get all cry baby when I make fun of them like I do to absolutely everyone else I welcome them with open arms. (if they are men, the lebanese ones just spit in my eye and kick me with boots and call me 10 rapists in one)

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 6:41 PM

Krista is a gaywad.

Your blog is all sorts of amusing!!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:25 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Dash,

Vaginas are terrific things.

I admit that i a'm rather suspicious of anyone who does not enjoy them.

It's like not liking --- umm --- a soft cat or ummm a pastrami sandwich or ummm a warm peach or ummmm a stinky hole or ummmm a warm bag of liver with a hole punched in it or ummm a warm breeze on your leg in the middle of the night or ummm an oily face thumpin you in the nuts or ummm a hard prickly ball of goose meat with a bomb in it that blows up and mutilates your right hand when you think about fish (which is really bad because you are right handed and you masturbate with that hand while thinking about fish and now what the fuck are you supposed to do? THAT FUCKING GOOSE MEAT!!! NEVER TRUST GOOSE MEAT....

wait... what were we talking about?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:14 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Krista,

Thanks!

I'm sorta amused by all the sorts of amusing too -- sorta.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:15 PM

Krista is a gaywad.

you should be, you made it and its sorts.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:29 PM

Sue is a gaywad.

I want photos of that protester freak with the saline filled scrotom! Did I spell scrotom right? He runs around with some alf looking guy. You know who I mean?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:19 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

sue,
my friend alex blagg has a picture and little post about all that nuttsack tom foolery right here

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:36 AM

Sue is a gaywad.

that is the best thing EVER in the whole history of the fucking world!!

I love the nutsack grandpa!!

I'm coming to SF just to see him.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:44 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

sue,

well, when you get here and track the old fella down, let me know. i'd like to poke that little cornish game hen with a sharp piece of wire or a letter opener or something.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:48 AM

Kevin G is a gaywad.

Yes, this is your old friend Kevin. You may use me as back up on your porta-potty drama. After all, I was a witness at your trial, I'm more than willing to be your witness now.

The only reason I drop by your blog now and then is to see if you've come "out" yet. Other than that, you can eat Chico's poo for all I care.

What about the marshmallow story, have you ever written that one up? That one almost got us both arrested!

Love-Kevin

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:23 PM

The Snakehead is a gaywad.

"I'm as straight as a curvy penis."

Haha Hahaha Hahahaha Hahahahahahahahahahahahaa...

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:33 PM

Satan is a gaywad.

I hugged a friggin Gay and now I have a sexual harrasment suit filed against me. I guess I shouldn't have taken him from behind and said 'My little Merkley wants me to hug you!'

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:43 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

KEVIN!

Great. Those stories are forth coming. I could have an entire separate blog dedicated in whole to the shenanigans of which you were part.

I know you aren't much of a bandwagoneer, but holy shit. how enjoyable would i find a blog by KEVIN G? (and i with hold his last name only because i know he has some fine googling relatives who would be a bit dismayed to land here..)

never in my life have i met a person with as many great stories as you.

you must jot them down for the general welfare of all mankind, . -- or fuck, of all people, you need a VIDEO blog. how else are you gonna tell the story of the worlds worst mime?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:00 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Snakehead,

So are you a snakes head or a head made out of snakes?

i don't want to be turning into no pillar of no god damned salt,

ha ha -- i said PILLAR.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:03 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Satan,

the gay probably thought you said that your MERKIN wanted you to hug him, MERKIN meaning a pubic hair wig (no joke, look it up)

at any rate, that's one uptight gay!

ha ha -- i said TIGHT and UP.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:08 AM

The Snakehead is a gaywad.

I'm Medusa's brother. I turn people into stone. I was not featured in all those crappy fables because I was, and still is, too freaking awesome.

You may now bow before me.

Just don't look at my eyes.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:55 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

snakey
i wouldnt know where to bow. my eyes are firmly shut. but watch out. i am swinging this bat like a mad man.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:15 PM

The Snakehead is a gaywad.

If you think a bat swung by a mad man can take me down, you're a FOOL!

Silly mortal human.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:50 PM

June 21, 2005

My Secret Vagina Ghost Name is....

I am a fairly regular MySpace user and one thing that other Myspace users know is that there are lots of dumb fucking bulletins that get posted that will waste your time and leave you feeling used and dry -- chaffed even, with a blister sometimes and the occasional wart on your hoo ha.

For you, my dear friends, enemies, stalkers and the like, I made my own version of one of these little name games, but my revealing little puzzles will actually make you consider your own mortality and morality while laughing at the less fortunate. You will be shocked by how true and accurate, yes even telling, these little exercises are. Get ready for F. U. N.

To get your:

1. Out of Work Porn Star Name:
(name of first pet + last medication taken (in quotes) + street you grew up on):

mine is: Stash "NyQuil" Nottingham

And that's how these handsome fellas named their band! Great work fellas!

2. Redheaded Child Movie Star Turned Teen prostitute Name:
(grandmother's/grandfather's first name + favorite word meaning anus (in quotes) + de Los + favorite spicy treat + Jr.):

mine is: Floyd "PoopChute" de Los Nachos Jr.

3. Fashion Designer Name:
(Last fag you talked to + favorite restaurant):

mine is: Tony Castillito

And that's how these horny gentlemen named their band! Awesome job fellas!

4. Bitch/Asshole/Jerkwad Name:
(most hated childhood nickname + first town where you fucked somebody):

mine is: Professor Provo

And that's how these charming billionaire computer company executives named their band! Way to go fellas!

5. Lesbian Secret Code Name:
(brand of shoes you are wearing + Von + favorite petroleum product):

mine is: Crosstrekker VonGrease (or you can just call yourself SideBurns Tiffany or Moustache Lisa -- I don't give a fuck.)

6. TV Detective Name (cancelled after 3 episodes):
(favorite animal + high school mascot):

mine is: Chimp Jaguar

These guys have the look, the name, the mojo... Watch out USA! Exxxcellent work duuudes!

7. Whore/Pimp Name:
(your favorite fruit + last snack food you ate + "Bitch" as punctuation):

mine is: Tangerine Ding Dong -- Bitch.

8. Favorite Fag Activity:
(favorite authors last name + Last thing you licked):

mine is: Seuss Finger

And that's how these sweet, sheep humpin bitches named their band! Fucking tits yo!

9. Failed 40 Something Still Wants to Someday Be a Rock Star Name:
(favorite car + the car you own)

mine is: Riviera Eldorado

10. Missing Hooker Name:
(word meaning "nobody" + word meaning "cares" (Use a thesaurus if ya hafta)):

mine is: Zilcho Givezafuck

And that's how these church goin, greasy, panty waisted, grandma visiting, pedophiles named their band! Take me higha niggas!

10. Slave Name:
("Po" + Favorite basketball players last name + Simmons):

mine is: Po' Malone Simmons

I think these ugly gentlemen are mocking the plight of the North American Negro. Fuck off fellas!

11. Gay Rap Name:
(Favorite holiday treat + Highest level of education accomplished + your middle name twice):

mine is: Fruitcake Community Sean Sean

12. Mob Name:
( Favorite size drink + Tony + The smell that best describes your armpits after two days with no shower)

mine is: Medium Tony Meatloaf

13. Foreign Retard name:
("El Retardo" + your favorite foreign food ingredient)

mine is: El Retardo Jalapeno

And that's how these dashing bloakes named their band! What a weeeeird way to say "tortilla chips" Stupendous creativity fellas!

14. Secret Vagina Ghost Name:
(your complexion or skin tone + Mc + Your favorite word that describes things that are slightly wet)

mine is: Freckles McMoist

And that's how these foreign speaking motherfucking douchebag geniuses named their band -- umm, I mean orchestra! What a weeeeird way to say "Pasty McDamp" Tremendous imagination fellas!

15. Slam Poetry Stage Name:
(Your favorite racial slur that describes your ethnicity + Your least favorite third world shithole)

mine is: Honky Malaysia

I don't think these hypnotically alluring gay fag homos read the directions very well. I don't like their off color humor either. Better luck next time FAGGOTS! Go back to Sweden you fucking racsist queers!

Lovely swedish dance band photos courtesy of a fine gentleman posting on HeySuburbia.com

That's all for now!
Don't get caught floating around in some kids dark bedroom being all vagina ghosty!
Your, On The Level, No Bowlshit, Straight Outta Compton, Uncle Tom,
merkley???

Now you do it. Post your results in the comments section. This is FUN!

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

merkley??? is a gaywad.

to make it easy on you I have even made this lovely thing that is simple to copy and paste. i am nicer than jesus christ.

1. Out of Work Porn Star Name:
(name of first pet + last medication taken (in quotes) + street you grew up on):

mine is:

2. Redheaded Child Movie Star Turned Teen prostitute Name:
(grandmother's/grandfather's first name + favorite word meaning anus (in quotes) + de Los + favorite spicy treat + Jr.):

mine is:

3. Fashion Designer Name:
(Last fag you talked to + favorite restaurant):

mine is:

4. Bitch/Asshole/Jerkwad Name:
(most hated childhood nickname + first town where you fucked somebody):

mine is:

5. Lesbian Secret Code Name:
(brand of shoes you are wearing + Von + favorite petroleum product):

mine is:

6. TV Detective Name (cancelled after 3 episodes):
(favorite animal + high school mascot):

mine is:

7. Whore/Pimp Name:
(your favorite fruit + last snack food you ate + "Bitch" as punctuation):

mine is:

8. Favorite Fag Activity:
(favorite authors last name + Last thing you licked):

mine is:

9. Failed 40 Something Still Wants to Someday Be a Rock Star Name:
(favorite car + the car you own)

mine is:

10. Missing Hooker Name:
(word meaning "nobody" + word meaning "cares" (Use a thesaurus if ya hafta)):

mine is:

10. Slave Name:
("Po" + Favorite basketball players last name + Simmons):

mine is:

11. Gay Rap Name:
(Favorite holiday treat + Highest level of education accomplished + your middle name twice):

mine is:

12. Mob Name:
( Favorite size drink + Tony + The smell that best describes your armpits after two days with no shower)

mine is:

13. Foreign Retard name:
("El Retardo" + your favorite foreign food ingredient)

mine is:

14. Secret Vagina Ghost Name:
(your complexion or skin tone + Mc + Your favorite word that describes things that are slightly wet)

mine is:

15. Slam Poetry Stage Name:
(Your favorite racial slur that describes your ethnicity + Your least favorite third world shithole)

mine is:

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:31 AM

Digitalicat is a gaywad.

Where did you find those pictures? Is there a WorldsWorstBands.com or something?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 6:12 AM

Dashiell is a gaywad.

I know the Quinn Luke post was down there, but I'm posting about it up here, because that's what I do. I listened to his album online a few days ago. (Because that's the other thing I do; not pay for music.) It was pretty freakin' awesome. I just might break my code and buy it from him. Does he take food stamps?

I'll post your stupid name game answers, next week.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:20 AM

Bridget is a gaywad.

I'm Rufus Guacamole.
or Blooney Biddle Darkie
or Conjunctiva Bugerflikka.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:28 AM

Wendy is a gaywad.

1. Out of Work Porn Star Name:
(name of first pet + last medication taken (in quotes) + street you grew up on):

mine is:Snow (Ambien) Boston

2. Redheaded Child Movie Star Turned Teen prostitute Name:
(grandmother's/grandfather's first name + favorite word meaning anus (in quotes) + de Los + favorite spicy treat + Jr.):

mine is: David (Sphincter)de los cane adobada Jr

3. Fashion Designer Name:
(Last fag you talked to + favorite restaurant):

mine is: Kim El Sombrero

4. Bitch/Asshole/Jerkwad Name:
(most hated childhood nickname + first town where you fucked somebody):

mine is: Breezy Las Cruces

5. Lesbian Secret Code Name:
(brand of shoes you are wearing + Von + favorite petroleum product):

mine is: Nike Von Vaseline

6. TV Detective Name (cancelled after 3 episodes):
(favorite animal + high school mascot):

mine is: Cat Bulldog

7. Whore/Pimp Name:
(your favorite fruit + last snack food you ate + "Bitch" as punctuation):

mine is: Cherry Cookie BITCH!

8. Favorite Fag Activity:
(favorite authors last name + Last thing you licked):

mine is: King Finger

9. Failed 40 Something Still Wants to Someday Be a Rock Star Name:
(favorite car + the car you own)

mine is: Avalon Elantra

10. Missing Hooker Name:
(word meaning "nobody" + word meaning "cares" (Use a thesaurus if ya hafta)):

mine is: Cipher Cherish

10. Slave Name:
("Po" + Favorite basketball players last name + Simmons):

mine is: Po ? Simmons (Basketball? what the fuck?!)

11. Gay Rap Name:
(Favorite holiday treat + Highest level of education accomplished + your middle name twice):

mine is: Candy Cane College Jo JO

12. Mob Name:
( Favorite size drink + Tony + The smell that best describes your armpits after two days with no shower)

mine is: Medium Tony Popcorn

13. Foreign Retard name:
("El Retardo" + your favorite foreign food ingredient)

mine is: El Retardo Chili Colorado

14. Secret Vagina Ghost Name:
(your complexion or skin tone + Mc + Your favorite word that describes things that are slightly wet)

mine is: Creamy McHumid

15. Slam Poetry Stage Name:
(Your favorite racial slur that describes your ethnicity + Your least favorite third world shithole)

mine is: CrackerSpic Mexico

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:38 PM

Wendy is a gaywad.

This was fun! MORE, MORE!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:41 PM

Kevin is a gaywad.

#15 Slam poetry stage name= Mick Korea. I suppose my jazz pianist name would be Chick Corea. (I know many do not consider Korea to be 3rd world, after living there for 6 months, I do.)

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:44 PM

funkybiznatch is a gaywad.

1. Out of Work Porn Star Name:
(name of first pet + last medication taken (in quotes) + street you grew up on):

mine is: Pegasus "Mucinex -Lortadine" Eden

2. Redheaded Child Movie Star Turned Teen prostitute Name:
(grandmother's/grandfather's first name + favorite word meaning anus (in quotes) + de Los + favorite spicy treat + Jr.):

mine is: Rosa "Bunger" de Los Torta Jr

3. Fashion Designer Name:
(Last fag you talked to + favorite restaurant):

mine is: Aaron Le Cheval

4. Bitch/Asshole/Jerkwad Name:
(most hated childhood nickname + first town where you fucked somebody):

mine is: Clamydia San Jose

5. Lesbian Secret Code Name:
(brand of shoes you are wearing + Von + favorite petroleum product):

mine is: Adidas Von Carmex

6. TV Detective Name (cancelled after 3 episodes):
(favorite animal + high school mascot):

mine is: Panda Charger

7. Whore/Pimp Name:
(your favorite fruit + last snack food you ate + "Bitch" as punctuation):

mine is: Peaches Sesame Sticks Bitch

8. Favorite Fag Activity:
(favorite authors last name + Last thing you licked):

mine is: Cisneros Waterbottle

9. Failed 40 Something Still Wants to Someday Be a Rock Star Name:
(favorite car + the car you own)

mine is: Mustang Blazer

10. Missing Hooker Name:
(word meaning "nobody" + word meaning "cares" (Use a thesaurus if ya hafta)):

mine is: Tired-Ass Bitch Love

10. Slave Name:
("Po" + Favorite basketball players last name + Simmons):

mine is: Po Camby Simmons

11. Gay Rap Name:
(Favorite holiday treat + Highest level of education accomplished + your middle name twice):

mine is: Peanut Brittle BA two-times Alma Rose Alma Rose

12. Mob Name:
( Favorite size drink + Tony + The smell that best describes your armpits after two days with no shower)

mine is: Small Toney Butterfunk

13. Foreign Retard name:
("El Retardo" + your favorite foreign food ingredient)

mine is: El Retardo Chipotle

14. Secret Vagina Ghost Name:
(your complexion or skin tone + Mc + Your favorite word that describes things that are slightly wet)

mine is: Olive McMoist

15. Slam Poetry Stage Name:
(Your favorite racial slur that describes your ethnicity + Your least favorite third world shithole)

Wetback-Polack Vietnam

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:12 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

digicat,

whoa, good point. i shall correct the post immediately to give due credit. what manners have i...

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:24 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Dash,
thanks fine sir. we worked hard on that one. the next album is coming out soon. i think you will all enjoy it very much.

glad to see you back from vacation -- well, i mean, it was fun to see you on vacation too.

i want to hear whatever horror story that caused you to end it and post that bum out post.

i'm the only one allowed to write bum out posts -- didn't you know?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:27 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

bridget,
come on, do the rest. it's not like you are sitting there at work totally busy doing more important things.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:28 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

wendy,
my favorites,
the bitch: Breezy Las Cruces
the PI: Cat Bulldog
the whore: Cherry Cookie BITCH!

ah shit, they are all pretty good, -- but i think Breezy Las Cruces has real potential.

now go give yourself a King Finger.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:32 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Kevin,

Is this GOLDING?
holy shit! I didn't even know you read this shit.

I was just talking about you (i often do) because i was telling the porta potty story the other day. it's the type of story that needs a witness to verify it. now i can post it.

You definitley are not a Mick Korea

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:35 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Lydia,
Aaron Le Cheval = very gay, very designery.
Clamydia San Jose = very bitchy
Cisneros Waterbottle = FUN!
Po Camby Simmons = awww po camby.

but i thgink I'm gonna hafta start calling you Mustang Blazer

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:41 PM

funkybiznatch is a gaywad.

yeah man Mustang Blazer is like one of the most amazing potential nick name ever. Even better than Lucid Manipulator...although that one is pretty damn good. You totally should add a formula on how to make your Drunk Asshole name....

Even reading Clamydia San Jose makes me cry.
Figures that I should have the gayest of gay names...the whole fag hag thing haunts me i had to seriously think hard about what the name of the last fag i had talked to was because i had already talked to 3 fags by 11 am this morning.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:34 PM

lalalalani is a gaywad.

1. Out of Work Porn Star Name:
(name of first pet + last medication taken (in quotes) + street you grew up on):
mine is: Speedy “Pot” Pola