merkley???: I May Not Be God, But at Least I'm Real.: July 2005

July 31, 2005

Bing Ji Ling and Me TONIGHT in L.A. AGAIN!

at the knitting factory in hollywood.

bing's on vox and keys

adrian from no doubt is on drums

mirv and house, from lots of awesome bands are on bass and guitar,

and i'm doing all the important stuff that makes everything sound awesome.

if ya wanna be on the pest -- i mean guest list, leave me a comment.

whatsisname from IMA Robot will be DJing, and some other awesome fuckers will be playing before us. I can't remember who they are so there.

i'd love to see your ugly little faces -- wow, deja vu and shit yo.

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

The Bees Knees is a gaywad.

Be sure to invite lots of groupies back to your place and read them children's bedtime stories! Have lots lots fun tonight. I will pout all day because I can't go.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:27 AM

Ajax is a gaywad.

Rock and roll I love your band.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:42 AM

Wendy is a gaywad.

If I had had more notice I could of driven the 12 hours there. Thanks fer nothin'. But, hey I hope you guys have a great night!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:19 AM

marriedman is a gaywad.

Wait!
You're a real person?
Holy shit man, I thought you were like me. All fake and horny, and with sixteen penises.
Fuck......

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:37 PM

Lake Allison is a gaywad.

I hear they clean their ears with palm trees in LA.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:24 PM

Satan is a gaywad.

I'm far to ugly and goat like to rock up to a slick LA gig.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:34 PM

marriedman is a gaywad.

By the way my friend, thanks for the link.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:20 PM

Digitalicat is a gaywad.

Christ, aren't you back yet? I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for stories of your big night at the club.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:43 AM

Squid Vicious is a gaywad.

I'm not anonymous anymore...

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:36 PM

Mysterium Cunnilingus is a gaywad.

Arise Lord Merkley; I am married... to God

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:56 PM

pisscock mcgee is a gaywad.

Dear Bug Dick-

I'd like to attend your show in Laws Anjulis. Pleas make arrangements for me to get in at the door for free. Also, I don't want to see any niggers in there. We've discussed this before, Bug Dick, and I hope you'll keep up your end of the bargen. We don't have kikes and faggotry here in the Southe and I expect nothing less from your camp. Yu think yur hot shit cuz yu can slide yur skin bus into No Doubts bun crack but yer really not. I know you're in with the niggers!! The niggers will always lose! I have a crease at the bottom of my ball sack and it feels good when women put their tongue on it.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:22 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

holy pisscock,

i can smell the tequila from here.

wait -- sorry, that's just my armpit.

i think you might be right about the negroes, unless you're talking about basketball or brain surgery. black people RULE at brain surgery.

also -- hockey. the colored folk love a good game on the ice.

oh yeah, and swimming. -- i mean , drowning.

you know come to think of it. i'm a negro. that's why i am awesome.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:30 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

holly,

groupies are for slapping around naked. no time for bedtime stories.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:31 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

ajax,

thanks. see you at the next sf show.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:31 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

wendy,

we may be starting a residency at the knitting factory so you'll get your chance to pretend you never said that.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:32 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

married man,

16?

i only have 2 penises. you're a freak.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:33 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

allison,

nope. no ear cleaning in LA.

they don't call it stinkear city fer nuthin'

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:34 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

satan,

ugly and goat like is sooooo hip right now.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:34 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

digicat,

hmmn -- stories,

hot girls -- ice cream etc.. the usual.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:35 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

squid.

ok.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:35 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

mysterium cunnilingus,

is EVERYBODY drunk tonight?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:36 PM

sue is a gaywad.

merkley, you are a wigger!

I just learned this word, woohoo!

WIGGERS, all ya'll!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:17 AM

Princess_Sarah is a gaywad.

OH I am so BUMMED I didn't see this earlier! I can WALK to t he knitting factory! Merkley??? You should have a newsletter to let folsk know when you are in town, yo!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:51 AM

BorkBorkBork is a gaywad.

Hey, Merkeley???.

How does Bing Ji Ling sing like that?
Is he a eunuch? Or perhaps he sold his soul/first-born to Stevie Wonder?

Can you say when the new album is coming out and when is the next SF show? (bingjiling.com has 0 info.)

Enquiring minds want to know...

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:27 PM

Anonymous is a gaywad.

You must be eating ice cream with super hot chicks.

Not to be a nag, or anything.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:01 PM

Anonymous is a gaywad.

btw, let me at those super hot chicks...I want to scratch their chicky little eyes out.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 6:30 PM

Szugye is a gaywad.

Fuck, Shit, Crap, Mutherfucker and things that make you say Hmmmmm??? No One invites me to shit. Well, I do get invited to a lot of shit. But, I don't like shit.

I cry almost every night because I'm never (well almost never), invited to the "Bing Ji Ling" gigs. Give a fellow Vegan Lover a break buddy boy.

I love hot dogs. All you San Fran Vegans can suck my Hungarian hot dog. That said...

Cool mutherfuckin art:www.szugye.com

You're saying, "But Szugye...your art isn't abstract or surreal...I'm just not into that." Well...FUCK YOU!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:46 PM

Anonymous is a gaywad.

let the comment whoring continue...

until we get another

BLOG ENTRY

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:42 PM

Szugye is a gaywad.

Fuck Mr.9:42p.m. You wanna fight? I'll kick your ass from Oak Street till the Tenderloin. I'll clean your clock. Kick your ass into next Tuesday, or some shit like that. It's late...so don't fuck with the Szugye man.

I don't blog...I fight. I'm pissed and depressed. Not a good combination. Oh yeah...sue me...you fuckin jerk off!

"It's all good." I'm just playin wit cha Mr. 9:42 p.m.

Mr. Dave rules the land of San Fran. He will eat you under the fuckin table. But...I will drink him under my butt. We all love Mr. Dave in homo land. We do. Really. Over...and fuckin out.

Mr. Suge.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:52 AM

Wendy is a gaywad.

~where or where has Merkley gone, oh where or where could he be? Where or where has Merkley gone,he's neglecting my blogging needs.~

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:01 PM

9:42 Anonymous is a gaywad.

Mr. Suge,

You funny man when you mad! Come kick my butt. I likey.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:15 PM

sound-quake is a gaywad.

omigod that's cool, i'm totally gonna make a zine about you. do you have any merch i can buy? like, a belt buckle or a t-shirt or some shoes or something? or a frisbee, i could use a frisbee

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:27 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

suge!

drunkie drunkie drunkie.

it's becoming clearer and clearer that people only read my shot when blitzed.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:13 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

princess sarah,

next time for sure.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:14 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

bork bork bork,

bing ji ling is a girl.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:14 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

gaby,

START a zine?

like you don't already have one. sheesh.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:15 AM

gabbriellesarah is a gaywad.

i dont have a zine about YOU, duh. i only had a zine about no doubt, and one about feminism and one when i was 12 about potato pancakes.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:53 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

gaby.

liar.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:17 PM

gabrielle is a gaywad.

whoa massive deja vu and stuff. play in oakland. i demand it.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:27 AM

Inner Fonzie is a gaywad.

I wish I could get out there... that would be cool. I'll have to plan for a road trip. I've only been to SF on short business trips and never got a chance to actually see anything cool... except fog... or hear anything cool... except the same horns I hear here... though, they seem a bit less angry on the west coast.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:13 PM

The Snakehead is a gaywad.

was that english?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:42 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

no snakehead,

it was a secret language.

give me money and i'll send you a magic rabbit.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:44 PM

Squid Vicious is a gaywad.

WTF? You posted comments from the last "Bing Ji Ling" post. Hmmm? What's the story, morning-glory?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:26 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

squid
i was too lazy to even write a new post so i just changed the date of the old one.

that's why i'm a genius.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:34 PM

July 25, 2005

Snip & Snap in Chew as You Choose

That's all for now!
Don't get caught eating a dog who ate a baby!
Your First Class Child Protective Services Agent,
merkley???

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

Wendy is a gaywad.

Art mirroring real life! Brilliant. Are you saying at the end that the puppies are going to eat each other? Stupid Satan.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:07 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

wendy,
no. the korean lady eats them.

yummy.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:11 AM

melina is a gaywad.

aw, to hell with it, i'm tossing in my spleen for good with this one...tasty fodder for s & s, and, gosh!, snip and snap are two baaaad asssss mo-fo's.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:12 PM

Bridget is a gaywad.

this my favorite. A+.
"You ate my babies"
Vegans are delicious. Taste like
grass and hotdogs mixed together.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:51 PM

Lake Allison is a gaywad.

Perfect rhyme and meter.

Are you wearing tights?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:40 PM

Wendy is a gaywad.

The picture of the dogs around the bush looks like they are scoping each other out. My favorite line is the tampon line. Who hasn't had a dog that would rifle thru the garbage for treats.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:01 PM

marriedman is a gaywad.

Merkley???, I just creamed my panties. You know what dogs do to me. Holy shit man.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:34 PM

Satan is a gaywad.

Awwwwwwww what a truely touching story. Not only did I get to make a cameo in goat form but you have a parrot that crapped out a brain. Vegan my arse, S&S were framed by that evil flesh eating parrot.

Nice work Merk???s

PS. Stupid Wendy, she ate my baby.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:44 PM

Anonymous is a gaywad.

you missed one under "If i was a dude named Farley."

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:26 PM

The Snakehead is a gaywad.

And now boys and girls, let's take off our clothes and play in the mud together!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:07 PM

gabrielle is a gaywad.

Cute bloody puppies! Was that original from the illustration or did you add blood smears? I want a childrens book with bloody puppies.

You should read the next story out loud.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:53 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

melina,

sorry to hear about your spleen, but from what i've heard, they're pretty much usless.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:29 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

bridget,
an A+?

do i get a star on my forehead?

i'll accept pudding.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:30 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

bridget,
an A+?

do i get a star on my forehead?

i'll accept pudding.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:33 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

bridget,
an A+?

do i get a star on my forehead?

i'll accept pudding.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:33 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

allison,

thanks,
i'm not wearing tights but i will if you want

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:34 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

wendy,
theu\yre watching for koreans.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:35 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

mm

i thought that might make you happy.

would you send me the panties if i sent you a SASE?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:36 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

satan,

but i was in no way implying that you in any way resemble a goat.

unless of course you do, in that case, basically, you're ugly.

too bad.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:38 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

satan,

but i was in no way implying that you in any way resemble a goat.

unless of course you do, in that case, basically, you're ugly.

too bad.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:38 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

anonymous,

what did i miss?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:38 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

snake head,

ok.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:39 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

gaby,

i added the blood,

but wouldn't it have been awesome if i didn't have to?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:40 AM

William Bunkton is a gaywad.

That was fucking masterful.

Best ever.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:03 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

thanks bunks.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:18 PM

July 22, 2005

Trustfund Pilldred & The Worm Express

That's all for now!
Don't get caught orally ingesting anal suppositories!
Your Frontline Man in The War On Drugs,
merkley???

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

William Bunkton is a gaywad.

What do you call a Skeleton in a closet?

Winner of the 1996 Hide and Seek Championship.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:28 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

william,
no need to throw your recent shame back 9 years.

but thanks for letting us know what you've been up to for the last month.

and i'm not counting to ten. if you're a champion, you can hide in five.

1

2

3

4

5.

holy shit! you're good.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 6:55 AM

Wendy is a gaywad.

Of all your recent children's books you've written, this is my favorite. I lkie cat's (have one), I like vagina's (have one) and I like pills...wait, that doesn't seem right. I'll come back later, I have to go take a pill.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:15 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

thanks wendy,

seriously, all the women i know are popping pills, (is it me?) so when i ran across these illustrations, they just screamed to have a pill popping afternoon masturbation story.

sometimes i think i am just releasing the subliminal stories these illustrators unwittingly laid out in their assignments. they just match up too well.

i just wonder how long it will be until one of them finds me and has a lawyer draft a cease and desist.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:22 AM

Lake Allison is a gaywad.

Cats do too masturbate!!
http://ericnuzum.com/blog/buster.jpg

I have a friend who talks like Michael Jackson and masturbates his own cat. It's the friendliest cat I ever met.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:00 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

allison,

all my stuff is filled with lies. we all know it.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:18 AM

William Bunkton is a gaywad.

Merkley: I've missed you.

Wendy: We share the same zodiac sign and astrological year, but we aren't the same age, not near... You are old as fuck, whilst I am young and fantastic, but don't fret, I'd still fuck you... I don't care if you're ugly. I'd do it for blog bragging rights.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:28 AM

melina is a gaywad.

merks???, my sides are split this week laughing. my sphincter is barely intact...

praytell, is that a balalaika in pilldred's pill pad? or is it sven's? the things pilldred could do to incorporate that in her dull dreary alcohol-sipping, pill-poppin' masturbatory life...

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:31 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

bunks,

yeah well, i'm glad you're back too. if nothing else, maybe everybody will stop with;

where's bunks -- where's bunks -- where's bunks merkley, isn't bunks your friend? where is bunks merkley, i want to hear from bunks.

sheesh.

now go get yourself a reliable internet connection and stay regular.

and since when did my blog turn into a sleazy bar? if you two have some genital tension you'd like to work out, there are private chats and webcams for that sort of deal.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:37 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

melina,

i have no clue what a balalakalikaloopy is.

sounds fun though.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:40 AM

marriedman is a gaywad.

Merkley???, knowing that everything that you write is filled with lies, I would like to know why you said that anal suppositories aren't smart? I am an anal suppository and I'm so smart I have my own really smart blog. It's filled with smart things. I fell so sad. So, so sad.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:10 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

married anal suppository,

vengance and rage is for the smarties. sad is for dummies.

there is hope. but it's not very likely.

my advice to you is to enjoy your place in the butthole of life.

be HAPPY! good luck!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:31 PM

Bridget is a gaywad.

Oh boy.
I'm on pills and booze and sheepskin rugs.
didnt you kick DJ Sven out of your last party?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:10 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

bridget,

dont' you just love it when people force you to read their blog and make comments?

it's like you know, bakiing a cake and pushing it on people. when they finally say yum, you somehow are left wondering if they really mean yuck.

i want to write a story about retards but i cant find the right illustrations in a book that already exists.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:15 PM

Wendy is a gaywad.

Wild Bill, Yep, I am am aged, and uhh, yeah, ok, that's weird.

Merkley, no worries, even if this site turns into some freaky, sleaze bar I'll still come back.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:01 AM

The Snakehead is a gaywad.

Merkley???,

You're so freakin' talented I can't stand it!

Want a blow job?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:41 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

snakey,

thanks!

i was actually just reading your blog. nice honest writing over there.

blow job?

hmmm, maybe if i pretend i'm DJ sven and you pretend you're Trustfund Pilldred (i'm not so much in to the blonde princess types -- boring is right up my alley) -- or no -- i got a batter idea, i could stare at that ridiculously sexy picture of those boobs on your blog!

you should put that image on a shirt.

that would mean i was still straight right?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:14 PM

Bridget is a gaywad.

melina was asking about musical instrument that looks like a lute. balalaika?
how about a truce? I'll just bring over store bought things so I'm not tempted to push them on people. I really try not to. I didnt at your birthday.
It's hard being a jack ass, actually I think a girl jack ass is called a Jenny, what ever. Retards are easy to draw. Or better still, get a book about cave men, and just say they're too stupid to live in houses. neaderthals are the best

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:42 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

bridget,

truce?

i missed the battle.

you can push your culinary delights in my face whenever you like.

holy crap. that sounded dirty.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:50 PM

The Snakehead is a gaywad.

Dude, I just realized your page looks so freakin' awesome when you're high. I'm so totally linking to you.

You better link to me too, bitch! Or I'll come over and give you a resting spot for your boys too.

Hahahahahaha......

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:24 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

snakey,

ok you stoner homo. you are linked.

can i still get my nutt nest trimmed?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:45 PM

The Snakehead is a gaywad.

Of course! Absolutely! Tonight at 10, at my place?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 6:36 PM

Satan is a gaywad.

I really like the story, well, the illustrations are crap, the plot makes no sense whatsoever, and I don't think it's all that funny. I hate it OK, but it leaves me pondering one particular question...

Where's Bunks?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:09 PM

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II is a gaywad.

I havea question if somone would be kind enough to answer it for me.

I know what happens if you put a pill up an anus, but does anyone know what happens if you put one up a vagina? Does it still work?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:03 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Satan,

I LOVED the muppet show! thanks for reminding me of those geezers in the balcony.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:06 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Queen,

Might I suggest that her highness conduct an experiment?

perhaps start with a tic tac or an m&m or a rock of crack cocaine.

please share your results.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:08 PM

Satan is a gaywad.

Actually I feel a little like this everytime I come to your blog...

It’s time to play the music.
It’s time to light the lights
It’s time to meet the Muppets
On the Muppet Show tonight.

It’s time to put on makeup.
It’s time to dress up right
It’s time to raise the curtain
On the Muppet Show tonight.

("Two old guys - Statler and Waldorf in the balcony")

Why do we always come here
I guess we’ll never know
It’s like a kind of torture
To have to watch the show

And now let’s get things started...
Why don’t you get things started...
It’s time to get things started...

On the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Muppetational

This...is...what...we...call...the...Muppet...Showwwww!"

(Gonzo blows his trumpet)- or at least attempts to...

PS - Is the Queen talking about the pill or the vagina?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:24 PM

gabrielle is a gaywad.

Your post made me hungry. Those aren't pills, those are Sweetarts.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:53 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

satan,
thanks for that.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:21 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

gaby,

you may be right. still, she probably shouldn't be doing what she did with them.

and DJ Sven is still a douchebag.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:23 AM

July 21, 2005

Glockferk The Bunny Learns About Easter Eggs.

That's all for now!

Don't get caught calling Jesus a homo!
Your First Most Authority on the True History of Every Single Holiday Ever. GUARANTEED!
merkley???

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

Bridget is a gaywad.

egg farts. I have a terrible hangover. I dont want to think about egg farts or a mean bunny mommy

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:02 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

bridget,

you must have kept on drinking then.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:05 AM

Bridget is a gaywad.

yup. and smoking. who cares?
I'm a bad lady

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:56 AM

Szugye is a gaywad.

Szugye LOVES SZUGYE!!.

Mr. Merkley. I don't even know what the hell you're talking about anymore. I guess I had too many rides on the short yellow bus when I was a youngin. Jesus, Fags, Bunnies...it's all "greek" to me. Poo, Shit, and Fuck!

Fantastic Jazz Art:www.szugye.com

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:04 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

szugye,

it's all pretty much a mystery to me too.

but that doesn't mean i cant talk about bunnies and what not now does it?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:08 PM

Wendy is a gaywad.

Sad bunny pictures make me happy. :) But, what the egg fart christian coalition?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:05 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

wendy,

sorry. but it's my job to tell the whole truth exactly as it happend. if christians don't want to hear it -- well all i can say is that they are missing out on the funnest part about being christian.

talking about jesus' terrible gas and ibs.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:15 PM

Wendy is a gaywad.

I didn't say I didn't want to hear it, I was just trying to understand. I asked you some religious questions over at Satan's sight. (where better?) I asked if it was true that Mormon's pulled their religion out of a hat..literally, and I also asked if when Mormon's die do they get their own planet?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:39 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

wendy,

yes, josepf smith put some stones into a hat and looked into the hat (buried his face in it) and "translated" the golden plates -- which nobody ever saw. but he saw the words in the hat.

yes. mormons who are good get to become gods themselves after they die which means they can creat planets or dogs or just some other weird thing like a planet made out of jello and string.

mormons are very imaginative.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:58 PM

Wendy is a gaywad.

I think the whole Mormon thing is fascinating. I would love to create a planet...there should be a video game like that. You know those games where you can build cities or create people (SIMS)? There should be a Mormon Planet creating game...jello planet, watch out for Kool Whip storms.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:59 PM

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II is a gaywad.

But Jesus was a Fag. Open sandals after Labor day, looking-messy-but-trim beard, lots of male friends but only knows one girl and she's a whore.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:54 PM

Digitalicat is a gaywad.

2 + 2 = HAM? Nice touch. I think I'm going to share this story with all the neighborhood children next year.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:27 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

your highness,

ah -- but that is where off in the distance we can hear a blad of grass taking it up the butt!

see? it's all in there. it's very deep you know.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:33 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

digicat,

when you share the story, it might be wise to wear protective googles.

boy cna those lower class folk spit when they get angry!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:35 PM

Lake Allison is a gaywad.

I used to work with Jesus at the tollway department.
We had to share a booth and WOAH those farts..

I hear he mops the viewing booths at a porn shop in Wisconsin, now.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:50 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

allison,

i believe the dude mopping is his brother cedric christ, not to be confused with cedric the entertainer -- not that you WOULD confuse them, christ being a skinny dude with a hackysack whle the entertainer is a colored fella with aids.

yup, cedric the entertainer has aids. i know because i stabbed him with the same knife i used to cut off magic johnsons hand.

oh yeah ,also,

gloria estefan killed herself today. at least that is my prediction -- ok -- it's just a hope -- that's all.

i never hope death on anyone.

it's not really possible to kick yourself in the nutts.

go ahead, try it.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:59 PM

gabrielle is a gaywad.

when i grow up i will only read your books to my children.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 6:10 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

gaby,

i wrote them all for you, our youngest reader.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 6:14 PM

bardot is a gaywad.

the bunny mommy speaks the truth.

i love your stories!

and gotta love egg farts. yummy!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 6:36 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

bardot,

she certainly does, she was there for the immaculate conception all the way up till thie whole nailed to the cross shenanigans.

she's an oooolllllld easter bunny.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 6:39 PM

Satan is a gaywad.

I think our sites might be parodying each others. I wish my pictures had pretty gay rabbits hating jesus. Oh well next time.

Gloria Estefan will live merks, I know her music gives people brain tumours, why would I let her die. Oh, but she wants to, yes she does...

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:35 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

satan,

whats the going rate on souls these days?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:50 AM

Anonymous is a gaywad.

I love you, whoever you are.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:55 AM

dave is a gaywad.

This is the best thing I've ever seen. Truely you have been blessed.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:08 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

anonymous,

no. who ever YOU are. you know who I am. it is YOU who are the mystery. but thanks nonetheless.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:09 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

dave,

thanks kind sir.

jesus likes any ink he can get.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:10 AM