Show Them All The Beauty They Possess Inside
That's all for now.
Don't get caught telling all the neighborhood's secrets.
Your Attorney Client privileged Son-Of-A-Bitch,
I came home last night and Chico wasn't waiting there for me -- only Butterface. I called for him, nothing. I went out in the back yard and he was laying in the middle of a wide open area, when I called him he just kinda lifted his head and wagged his tail a little but didn't come. I had pizza for him. He wasn't interested. Something was wrong. I coaxed him up, nudged him into the house -- he wouldn't even eat canned dog food. This is the first time anything like this has ever happened.
HA! Another audio post.
I'm soooo lazy, that I'm not even going to write a new post, Instead I'm just posting an audio post of me reading my last post because you all hated it so much. See what you get? Now scroll down to hear a monotonous slow interperetation of my own god damned poop. The audio post is in the original post.
Hey KIDS! Tired? Wanna fall asleep? Listen to me read this post!
11. Thou shalt not faggotize the globe.13. Because when I was little, I was raped 13 times by my 13 next door neighbors, I got 13 cancers 13 times. I have 13 brains, 13 toes, 13 fingers, every time I poop there are 13 individual malt balls that form the number 13 in the toilet which I flush 13 times. My left nipple is a 3 and my right nipple is a one. I can fit 13 grapefruits in my vagina.
12. Thou shalt not watch ice skating.
13. Thou shalt not be anything but white. WHITE POWER!
Faggot Salads have been around for a long time, and to be sure, not all salads are gay, but yuppies, vegans and over zealous millenial salad competition mean that salad faggotry is on the rise. If you encounter a homo salad, here are a a few ideas of what you might want to say. Consider it a duty. I'm not joking. This is serious.
What's that ya say? Ya say ya have a chopped off thumb and ya don't know what to do with it? Well you're in luck because, here are some ideas I came up with specifically for this very situation and even more specifically for you. YES YOU. You and that very thumb on that very desk. What a co weenky deenk.
"Every time you take a dump you should announce it. And every time you should announce it in a totally new way. Then your shitcrap life will finally be super and all the people around you will hate you less. Face it. you could use the help.
1. Let Gary Coleman out of my butthole.
2. Free Mumia.
3. Cook some major meatballs.
4. Feed the homeless.
5. Email Senator Brown.
6. Oompaa Loompa Poopadee Poo.
7. Pay my respects to Tupac -- I mean Poopac.
8. Deport some illegals.
9. Update my bLOG.
10. Donate major blood.
11. Bake a major potato.
12. Check on the meatloaf.
13. FREE THE MOTHERFUCKIN' SLAVES!!!
I did this game on MySpace and it claimed to be like 95% true. Being the intuitive type, I made a few minor, but very important edits and I can now guarantee that it is at LEAST 99.9% true.
1. If you hug your grandma really hard, ice cream will come out of her boobs.
Last night I had a dream that I was feeding carrots to a vergina that had teeth. It was all:
This is one of those AWESOME questionnaires where somebody writes a bunch of AWESOME questions and the idea is to make up funny snarky AWESOME answers to show how witty and AWESOME you are. I already know I'm AWESOME but I'm doing it anyway because I feel sorry for all of you assholes for not getting to read any of my brilliant humor for the last week.