merkley???: I May Not Be God, But at Least I'm Real.: October 2005

October 30, 2005

13 Photographs That Are Not Funny Or Hilarious But Are Nonetheless Fantastic So Shut The Hell Up Allison!!!

Lulu

Jade

Alia

Mikey

Christina

Kiley

Elise-Marie

Richie Panic of The Microcasettes

Brooke

Brooke's Boobs

Jefrodesiac

Hannah "Banana Splitzer" Sitzer
I gave her that nickname because I rule.

That's all for now.
Don't get caught with a robot penis stuck in your sisters toaster.
Your Favorite Mean Mean Mean Mean Old Man That Lives In Your Dildo,
merkley???

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

the gipper is a gaywad.

hairdo heaven on halloween series?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:18 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

sounds good to me.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:21 AM

Dashiell is a gaywad.

Merkely???,

Stop being so fabulous and taking fabulous photos of all your fabulous friends. You suck.

Love,
Dash

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:13 AM

Lake Allison is a gaywad.

Ooh.. fake blood..

From now on, cover all the models in fake blood before you take their pictures.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:40 AM

Squid Vicious is a gaywad.

Dude, like I know it's San Fran and all, but, if I wanted to like see dudes, I'd like go to a dude show. Wait, are there dude shows? I'm just asking, not that I...
Boobs rock!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:44 AM

Satan is a gaywad.

I don't know Merks??? the 'Brooke's Boobs' shot got me laughing, are you sure this isn't meant to be funny. Fantastic and Funny... try harder next time young man!

PS. The taking the piss comment was not as a result of alcohol or ingesting ecstacy... We were both just using the word 'awesome' a lot on our posts. Awesome!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:11 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

dash,

oh boy do i ever suck. but like i said before, it's because i take some of the most hideous people known to man and make them a tiny bit less hideous.

wait -- that makes me awesome -- or gay -- who knows anymore.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:41 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

allison,
who said it was fake. i makke my subject bleed with a searing wit and a sharp fork.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:42 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

squid,
i wont tell anyone about your private IMs requesting dudes dudes and more dudes.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:43 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

satan,
it's true -- boobs are pretty funny if you really think about what they are for.... i mean we're supposed to drink stuff out of them things and touch them with boards and spoons?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:45 AM

Wendy is a gaywad.

Hannah looks a lot like Lisa Marie Presley.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:28 PM

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October 29, 2005

It's Awesome. Holy Shit I Can't Believe How Awesome It Is. Totally Awesome.

What's Awesome you ask?

This Totally Awesome Video Blog. That's what's awesome.

That's all for now.
Don't get caught being totally awesome.
Your Awesome AwesomeFace,
merkley???

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

Anonymous is a gaywad.

yeah. france sucks. the only think i like about france are those garlicky, gritty, snails. and frog legs.

I can hear the audio, but I can't see the video. i got a message saying that that particular plug-in wasn't available at the Quicktime server.

don't know if anyone else is having the same problem?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 6:06 PM

Alex Blagg is a gaywad.

you're not missing much. just the faggoty ramblings of a hungover douchebag.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 6:54 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

you'd know alex, i still have some of your lipstick on my anus.

move to new york already -- sheesh.

who knows what the trouble is? who cares really?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:04 PM

Anonymous is a gaywad.

yeah, but what if you're a hunk?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:06 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

you bet your ass i'm a hunk -- i'm like a chunk of hunk'n'junk and that aint no bunk or god damned gunk and i'm hung like an elephants trunk but i got the funk of a skunk dead in a trunk --- PUNK.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:11 PM

Anonymous is a gaywad.

i think you are drunk.

or maybe
a monk?

too long in the abbey
no bath
and so funk.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:01 PM

Willy Jo is a gaywad.

awsum

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:21 PM

Jay V is a gaywad.

holy CRAP this was the coolest one EVER! I'm making a new one when I can as a tribute to the great . . . merkley???

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:42 AM

borkborkbork is a gaywad.

Perhaps you could start a delivery service to supply the males who don't end the night with a bunch of girls in their car.

AAA Backseat Love Express merkeley???

Instead of going home, why don't you make out with all of them at once, or, better yet, get all of them to make out and then take their pictures and make them look beautiful in Photoshop?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:57 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

ok anonymous -- you win -- but you are still a crudball for being anonymous.

----------------------------------

Willy Jo,
you accidentally misspelled that word bud.

-----------------------------------

Jay V,
You're making a new what?

-----------------------------

borkborkbork,

i have a fairly good supply of photos of nice ladies making out with other nice ladies and lots of boob grabbing - ahhhh sweet alcohol -- someday i might do a collection.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:15 PM

Satan is a gaywad.

Are you taking the piss?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:34 PM

Professor Leotus Clouse & The Duke of Sweet Cheeks is a gaywad.

I love the vlogs!
There was a girl asking you to take photos of her boobies on my blog too, what's up with that?!
I had to put her in her place...

I told her that if she wanted roofies and nudies then to go ask Merkley directly, stop pussyfootin’ round meh blog.

Anyways, I also told her to be forewarned; "I’ve heard many other unsuspecting virgins like yourself wandering clueless into Merkley’s embrace. And instead of slipping them a roofie and taking nudies as they’d hoped for, he’ll slip them a tab of acid and abandon them at a Chucky Cheese bar with a bill that included 58 pitchers of beer, 27 jager shots, 9 incriminating photo booth sessions with Chucky the Rat (no diffused glow effect either), and a [text] message that says 'I’m not sorry'."

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:50 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

satan,
are you drunk?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:02 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

professor,
what? where -- who wants a picture of their boobs.

that's some funny shit there baloneyballs.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:03 PM

melina is a gaywad.

happy day of hallowe'en!

if that's your flat, merks, it's way neat-o lookin...liked the b/w effect and little 2 x 2 sized screen.

is that snortzle weirdeye mcteeth or butterface? couldn't tell, but always so cutsie to have a doggie in an intro!

i have to say, you remind me a little of jim morrison in this vlog, and that is meant as a compliment, bitch.

can i be more in love with you? only if i get a drunk text message in my lifetime...

oh, and you photoshopped the chest hair off of brooke's boobs pretty well it looks like. thanks for doing that! hee hee heh heh

v. good!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:19 PM

Lake Allison is a gaywad.

I can hear the sound, but not see the picture.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:40 PM

Anonymous is a gaywad.

there is no video, is there, you little gnome?

~~anonymous eastcoast bi-sexual, who longs to see west coast boobies.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:29 PM

Anonymous is a gaywad.

I lied about being bisexual. I just wanted to look cool, hip, and uh,...attractive to men.

Where the fuck are the funny stories you used to tell? I'm sick of lookin' at chicks.

~~not east coast and not bisexual

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:07 PM

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October 27, 2005

Off to The Art Show Homos!

I'm part of a group show tonight at Mighty Art Gallery. The theme is Super Heros. I owed my buddy Romanowski a painting because he gave me one of his, so being the lazy bastard I am, I decided to kill two birds with one stone and I did HIM as the super hero. They don't call me DUMBFUCK fer nuthin.

Here it is. Click on it to see it bigger.

That's all for now.
Don't get caught waiting till the last second to get your painting done!
Your Master Procraster!
merkley???

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

Wendy is a gaywad.

Stop being so talented. You are really pissing me off.

I really liked it bigger, that way you see the "weeeeg" you would miss otherwise. What is the bottom purple panel? I couldn't tell on this dumb computer. Is it multi media? It kinda looks like watercolor and pen, but not being able to touch it, I don't know.

See people, he is busy behind the scenes of this blog...

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:23 PM

Satan is a gaywad.

Is he caught on a coat hook... or floating.

It's great man.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:37 PM

Squid Vicious is a gaywad.

Art show homos? We always called them "art fags". I guess these times they are a changin', huh?

You've got a lot of talent. Is your inspiration derived from PCP, LSD, or GBH?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:48 PM

patatomic is a gaywad.

Roman is good. Way good. I regret the last day I was his room mate and didn't get out of there with with one of his fish collages.

Nice illustration, by the way. You have cannonized him well.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:46 PM

Wendy is a gaywad.

OH! They are rocket shoes!

Satan, hover tennies.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:39 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

wendy,
thanks. the dudes name is romanowski -- from the top clockwise the little window deas are two oars for ROW the penis dude for MAN at the bottom is a hammer smashing a thumb for OW and then a pair of skis for SKI.

i'm awesome.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:13 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

satan,
flying with his rocket shoes dude.

thanks.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:13 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

squid,
you mean ghb? or are you talking about the punk band?

i don't eat drugs.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:14 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

splat,
thanks dude. i didn't realize you were blogging. i'll stop by and wreck it every once in a while with poop and fart and booger and what not.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:16 AM

funkybiznatch is a gaywad.

i like the little penis window thing.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:44 PM

Squid Vicious is a gaywad.

It's been a few years, since my scientific study and "field research", but as I recall:

gammahydroxybutyrate: AKA Liquid ecstasy, GBH, GHB, GBL, BDO, Blue Nitro, Midnight Blue, RenewTrient, Reviarent, SomatoPro, Serenity, Enliven

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 6:43 PM

Squid Vicious is a gaywad.

Anyway, yeah, I meant the band. Have you heard them live?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 6:44 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

squid,
yes sir. 1984 i think. slc utah. punk dude.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:34 PM

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October 25, 2005

Katie, The Wind Blew The Poop Right Back Into My Butt Katie!

I was standing there Katie, nearly horizontal, yelling in the wind, just doing my job as a weatherman, when suddenly the crap got scared right out of me Katie, but just as the poop exited my butt, a gust of Wilma wind blew it RIGHT BACK IN Katie! Only now that little turd was cold and had a piece of wood stuck through it Katie. Then I peed because it was funny and also I needed to pee because I drank a lot of beer Katie, but the wind blew the pee all over a trampoline that was flying through the air Katie which made me laugh with my mouth wide open, really really loud laughs Katie, but then the wind grabbed my tounge and pulled it out of my head Katie, and Katie, you're not gonna believe this Katie, then the wind blew my own tounge right up my very own butt, that very same butt from which the poop was scared and into which it was quickly re-deposited, and when my tounge was blowed up my butt, It got hooked on the nail that was in the peice of wood that got blown through my turd when it was briefly out of my butt Katie. It kinda turned me into a suitcase looking thing with my tounge acting as a handle Katie.

Then, and I swear it on my own watery wind blowey grave, God almighty himself grabbed me by the tounge handle and shook me violently sending my underwear flying though the air at 5 billion miles an hour landing on the face of, and therefore blinding and suffocating the Statue of Liberty Katie. There were total skidmarks in those underwear Katie. Hurricane Blown Turd-Out then Turd-In again Skidmarks Katie.

This is a sad day for America Katie. Yea, Believest I that it is the end of days Katie.

Hurricanes are frickin' goofy and shit Katie. God bless us all Katie. Except Negroes and Gays Katie. Except Negroes and Gays.

That's all for now.
Don't get caught gettin' all biblical and shit Katie.
Your True Prophet of God Katie.
merkley??? Katie.

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

Satan is a gaywad.

Please tell me that girl (in two photos) is Katie because she seriouly just blew the shit out of me. You lucky, lucky, biblical bastard!

Oh yeah, motherfucking weeg fire.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:27 PM

Squid Vicious is a gaywad.

I hate it when the wind does that to my butt.

(The second picture must have been taken just as the ruffies kicked in. Judging by the drink there on the bar, she's either a lightweight or that's not her first "cocktail".)

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:39 PM

gaby is a gaywad.

remember when you used to write really funny fiction but it wasnt really fiction? and it was like, pee your pants funny?

that was good. not that this is bad per se, but its not as good. i didnt pee my pants.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:09 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

satan,
i think i meant katie couric. american tv star an one of your most ardent supporters.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:57 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

squid,
i was singing her a beautiful song.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:59 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

gaby,
yup -- i'm sooo washed up.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:00 PM

Satan is a gaywad.

Well, I don't know who that is but I'm liking it.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:52 PM

poopee shmoopee is a gaywad.

yeah. he definitely looks consipated.

i think you should write a story book about a weatherman who's secret super power was sucking giant tropical storms up his butt and peeing out amazonian rainforest fires.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:55 PM

Dashiell is a gaywad.

My goodness, that pool table must be filthy! I hope your friend took a bath aftewards.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:42 AM

marriedman is a gaywad.

This post, Merkley, has to be the worst thing I've ever read. How can you, in good conscience, write such drivel? How do you sleep at night? You are screwing up America, Merkley.

Help yourself.

Love ya!!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:51 AM

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October 24, 2005

13 Tapes I Made When I Was 13

That's all for now.
Don't get caught farting directly into the microphone and then putting it up to your mouth to do other hilarious junk.
Your Expert Studio Engineer Specializing In Farts,
merkley???

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

Wendy is a gaywad.

I insist you convert the toilet flushing and Cosby with farts at the end to digital and Audioblog 'em...at once! Get on it and no back talk.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:37 PM

no doubt is to gaby what devo is to merkley is a gaywad.

funny, when i was 13 i made a mix cd called no doubt and hand claps. cause im a girl and girls dont fart.

but i think those tapes are fake. 13 year olds dont write backwards. youve forgotten your youth.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:55 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

wendy,
these are just fake tapes i made in photoshop --- oh lordy lordy how i wish i had the real ones which i swear on butterfaces soul exist.

all we ever did when i was little was record funny shows and farts and burps and the occasional grandma peeing.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:24 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

gaby,
see above

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:27 PM

Satan is a gaywad.

I'm sooooo disallusioned right now... I can't believe you made something up Merkley???, 'made up' I say again, you're a disgrace, I don't care if it's unbelievably funny Mr I'm a Terrible Untruth Teller Merkely???. It's the principle, the unfunny principle of the thing!

Now, YOU go to Church! I'm not allowed in for some reason

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:41 PM

holly is a gaywad.

merks, did you ever do mix tapes?
these share heavy insights into the 13 year old soul. I was a mix tape factory from about 13 to 17.
"in love" mixes - tragic "break up/fuck you" mixes... you name it. Maybe you did fart mix tapes?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:03 AM

holly is a gaywad.

actually, I just thought about it some more and I think you did
"inspirational breast cancer mix" and "touch my a-hole mix"

right?!?!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:07 AM

melina is a gaywad.

oh my, oh my...cassette tapes! even though you *say* these are photoshopped, can you actually recall what brand/model of cassette tape player you used for the recordings? panasonic was really tops back then. (press the record and play button simultaneously!)

what's really funny about this is how everyone who's done the same thing is all confessional-like.

my greatest moment in cassette recordings was the one when i put the cat in the closet and recorded it all meowing wanting to get out. hours of laughter that stunt provided. pathetic. well, besided the farting ones...

now you're swearing on pore 'ole innocent butterfaces' SOUL? pobrecito butterface.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:08 AM

Anonymous is a gaywad.

I once recorded myself singing a pre-pubescent version of Pearl Jam's "Better man." Didn't work out too well, should have stuck with the Clay Aiken "Invisible."

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:19 AM

Satan is a gaywad.

Yeah. OK. That last outburst was because I once made a mixed tape and she spurned me. THANKS FOR BRINGING UP PAINFUL MEMORIES YOU CUNT! Sorry, I'll go to church.

Bwhahahaha VW is 'civil'... no I'm not!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:27 AM

gaby is a gaywad.

rabbis arent supposed to lie. here i am following your blog like its the freakin gospel truth and you're telling me SOMETHING IS MADE UP IN YOUR BLOG?

outrageous.

and where did your stalkerblog go? i am running out of entertainment at work!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:07 AM

marriedman is a gaywad.

I need the one about your grandma peeing to be real, so so real.

She's a hot bitch.

Is she dead yet?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:16 AM

Kristine is a gaywad.

I used to have a tape queued in my tape player and every time any song would come on the radio where they said 'damn' or 'bitch' or 'ass', I'd wait and hit record.

Eventually, I had 60 minutes worth of swear words on a tape. Mostly it consisted of 'DAMN!' being screamed by Janet Jackson's Black Cat.

Sigh. I miss those days.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:41 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Satan,
for some reason it doesn't seem like you swear or pull your pants down enough to be the actual satan -- also --- dude, i haven't seen fire come out of your weedoo for weeks.
--------------------------------

holly,
you bet your patoot i did mix tapes. but you're right, most of the music was interspersed with farts and the gang.

-----------------------------

melina,
i had the good old panasonic too. i took it EVERYWHERE i went. i'd record peoples private conversations and then i'd put it under my pillow and listen to it as i fell asleep. if i wasn't so lazy, i could have dug into the basement where my actual tapes are stored to get the originals. wendy is right, they need to be converted to digital sometime. my 8 year old farts are recorded just waiting to be remembered 30 years later.

----------------------------

Anonymous,
a. don't be anonymous.
b.when the old panasonic eventualy crapped, i was given another tape recorder for christmas only this one had variable speed which meant that we made five billion hours of us singing and farting chipmunk style.

--------------------------

Satan ,
vw?

-----------------------

gaby,
there are more truths in my lies than any truth in your weird religion. i can guarantee you that.

marriedman,
oh i definitely recorded my grandmother peeing, we, meaning six of my siblings would sit around for hours listening and grossing ourselves out when we heard her fart.

she has long since died, she was the one who died because the neighbor boy not so accidentally shot hr in the eye with a bb gun and she died due to a resulting infection and he didn't even get in trouble because she was like 96.

anyway -- get your shovel, i'm sure she wouldn't mind some company.

----------------------

Kristine,
swear words are awesome.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:21 PM

marriedman is a gaywad.

hehehehe

Maybe I'll have her and rosa parks dyke it out for me. what do you think?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:08 PM

Satan is a gaywad.

WV YOU BUTTFUCKINGDIRTYCOCKSUCKINGCUNT! I'm so going to double team your old dead farting grandma with Married Man until her bones are consumed by the fire in my wang!

Yeah, see, now I sorta sound like your stalker blog... creeps me out.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:20 PM

Lake Allison is a gaywad.

Bill Cosby with farts at the end?
Post a clip of that one.

You're so old.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:25 AM

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October 22, 2005

Holy Zoo Poop!

Neela said:
Merkley??? only takes pictures of cool kids and sometimes birds.

Merkley??? said:
If by birds you mean chicks and by chicks you mean baby chickens and by chickens you mean pussies and by pussies you mean cats and by cats you mean negroes and by negroes you mean merkley??? -- yes, you are right. I take a lot of self portraits.

OK so it wasn't very funny, but it has that old bitch who ate the fly kinda deal going on and that counts for something so eat crap dood.

That's all for now.
Don't get caught trying to see a fly's butthole.
Your Favorite Mexican Jumping Bean,
merkley???

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

ScaryCheri is a gaywad.

heh, you said 'poop'.

I want to have your puppies Merkley???

I Love this post, and now I have the old lady who swallowed a fly song stuck on my mind...could the night get better?!?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 6:43 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

scary,
like -- so, are you saying that you'd like to give birth to something brand new and human or that you'd like me to give you the puppies i currently have or that you'd like to give birth to butterface and grampa snortzle -- because that would require some weird activity wherein my dogs would have to pass through your birth canal, and while that totally sounds fun, i might worry about my dogs not getting enough air.

at any rate. it's always good to think of all the things surounding birth and birth canals and episiotomies and such.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:31 PM

Satan is a gaywad.

Yes, yes I will eat crap dood… If by crap you mean shit and by shit you mean drugs and by drugs you ecstasy. Mmmmm, edible raspberry flavoured ecstasy. Care for some?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:39 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

satan,
oh what a fun game i have invented. yes, pass the drugs and by pass i do not mean fart.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:44 PM

Lake Allison is a gaywad.

I remember when this blog used to be funny..

If I want to see models, I'll pick up a cosmo.

Come on, where's the zoo poop you promised?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:59 PM

Satan is a gaywad.

Ah yes, but if by drugs, you mean shit and if by shit you mean crap and if by crap you mean I should deficate in your mouth. Then open wide you sicko... Well, OK, Satan Shit will be the best drugs you've ever tried and fully worth the experience but really man, it's still shit.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:25 AM

ScaryCheri is a gaywad.

By have, I mean birth your offspring, and by offspring I do not mean the band, and by band I mean no-entry and by entry I mean penetration and by penetration I mean sex of which mine is female.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:17 AM

marriedman is a gaywad.

I thought I was going to have your puppies....fuck man. that's just not right.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:16 AM

poopee shmoopee is a gaywad.

i kinda miss your story books merkley??? working on any?

you could do one about a girl who births a litter of puppies then witnesses satan shitting into someones mouth.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:49 PM

poopee shmoopee is a gaywad.

This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:49 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

allison,
don't hate. you'll get your poop in due time.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:45 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

scary,
my weeplop is not nearly long enough to impregnate you wherever you are, but i'd be happy to send you some the necessary ingredients in a ziploc bag.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:47 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

satan,
we don't use that kind of colorful language on this blog. go to church this instant.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:48 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

marriedman,
i have lots of the necessary ingredient that usually just ends up just going to waste in a sock --- i have plenty of ziploc bags --- maybe you and sheri could assist one another.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:50 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

poopee,
i'm sure i'll revisit the storybooks -- i have just been super busy and they actually take quite a bit of time.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:51 PM

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October 21, 2005

Your Grampa Left his Bra At My House

***TONIGHT***

YOU ARE ALL DEAD MEAT . . .

Try to make out with these dudes before they make out with each other.

THE ADORED

They are like famous up and comers and shit. That one dude just bought a pony with the money the record company paid him. The other dude bought a microwave and that one in the back is saving his money because he wants to move to france. The other one blew it all already and the other three have to keep buying him drinks.

Guess who is hosting -- read the flyer butthole.

me.

MERKLEY???

You know you fucking want me to take your picture so you can look all glowy and desireable. Well. I'll have my camera -- If you're real nice and buy me a drink or pull your dress down to where we can almost see your whole boob, I'll think about it. Also, wear something see through.

Jefrodesiac won DJ of the century last night at the OSCARS so come and try to touch him.

Golden will be doing visuals.

Hopefully he won't stand in front of you because his hair is really really tall and you wouldn't be able to see his show if he did. That would be awesome.

TONIGHT

Live Performance by THE ADORED (www.rocktheadored.com)
Guest Host: MERKLEY??? (www.threequestionmarks.com)
Film: BORN TO ROCK (9pm)
DJ: JEFRODISIAC
Visual Aesthetics: GOLDEN

holy shit i drink a lot.

BLOW UP
@ THE RICKSHAW STOP
155 Fell & Van Ness
9pm - 2am 18+

BLOW UP.
Don't THROW UP.

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

Satan is a gaywad.

I WAS NOT WAVING MY BOOBS... I'm, fat and my insane rocking was making them SWAY, but the shit I was saying was totally crazy. Sorry.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:01 AM

gaby is a gaywad.

weird merkley, ditto what satan said. but substitute "insane rocking" for "totally wasted"

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:38 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

satan,
thanks for the explanation.

and i totally forgive you but i need my kidney back. you can keep all the skin.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:42 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

gaby,
WHAT? you were WASTED? who could tell?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:42 PM

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October 20, 2005

Stop Touching Your Anus.

Tonight I'm performing at the SF Weekly awards show at the Warfield. You know, with the Bing Ji Ling Thing -- lots of sexy Ice Cream sluts and Ice Cream. Ok they aren't sluts --- but how awesome would it be if they were?
8pm at the Warfield -- we open the show with a marching band and shit. Don't be late or I'll make out with your grandma.

Kathalina

DJ Key Bumps On The Beach

That's all for now.
Don't get caught waving your boobs to punctuate the retarded shit you're saying.
Your Soldier in Christ's Army,
merkley???

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Something was wrong with this shit yesterday. thanks to willy jo for alerting me. it works now.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:21 PM

pisscock mcgee is a gaywad.

Dear sir-

It would appear that chest hair is quite the popular accessory in San Francisco. Does it stand to reason that a thick bush is equally as welcome in that great polis in the sky? Because my current bush would have me the heppest cat on the bloc. Watch yourself—because I'm climbing to the TOP!!!

ps- I'm going to hang myself.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:42 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

pissdrinker,
everyone hates bush here.

i am glad to see that you are back to your old suicide threatening ways because i was beginning to think something was wrong with you.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:46 PM

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October 18, 2005

13 Things To Say After Inhaling a 13 Second Long Sniff of Your Own Armpit in Public

1. CLAMS!

2. SUCK ON THAT Fuckin' Wolfgang Puck!

Elise-Marie

3. Mmmmmmm --- poobacon.

4. Ahhh the sweet smell of smoldering Jews!

5. Chernobyl Schmernobyl. (fake death -- or actually die. Bloody nose is good too.)

Chris Golden

6. Smells like fried breast cancer!

7. Chris Farley, such a shame.

Neela SomeWeirdForiegnName

8. Holy shit I'm a filthy mexican.

9. Whoooooaaaaaaaahhhh ---- trippy.

Jenny Young

10. Supercalifragilicious! Who needs cocaine?

11. Allllriiiiight, who peed in my armpit -- Grandma?

Jenny Young

12. Now what kind of fascist butthole would want to deodor that?

13. Must kill Dorito McFrito. Must kill Dorito McFrito.

Butterface

That's all for now.
Don't get caught posting pictures of your bar pals next to jokes about awesome cheese smells.
Your SniffTown 5000 -- fuckin hell yeah,
merkley???

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

Professor Leotus Clouse & The Duke of Sweet Cheeks is a gaywad.

Awwwwhathepoop!?
Butterface doesn't have a myspace account!?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:12 PM

Lake Allison is a gaywad.

Those people aren't nearly as hot as you are.

My armpits smell like salsa!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:31 PM

Wendy is a gaywad.

Butterface is beautiful.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:24 AM

Satan is a gaywad.

Spoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon! I have a similar reaction when I smell my crotch.

Yes, horse punch drunk, yes, but let's keep that between me, you, PETA and the porcelain roller-coaster..

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:25 AM