Ladies and Gentlequeers: Introducing, The Heavyweight Sleep Champion of The World...

Me!

Yeah, so, since all the coolest shit happens while I'm sawing logs, and since I saw logs for 2/5ths of my life, and since I object to forgetting about all the ass kicking, tunneling, floating and flying I do while sawing logs, I decided to start a dream blog that is all about that most ass kickingest 2/5ths of my life.

Since cornering some poor fag and pummeling said fag with last nights dream is about as polite as poking out said fag's eyeballs with a dog dick, I decided to locate this new dream blog a step out of the way and not bother anyone with it here. Soon it will have a different template so as to not confuse your soupy brains. but here it is along with what I remember happening last night after I started sawing logs.

Heavyweight Sleep Champion of The World

That's all for now.
Don't get caught sawing logs metaphorically if you are a lumberjack quite literally. Ha ha, maybe I should have called it "Sawing Blogs", that would have been TERRIBLE.
Your Dreamer of Dreams, Schemer of Schemes and Femur of Femes?,
Foghorn Leghorn III

2005, The Year in Poo in Review. Whoopdeedoo, Weehoo and Screw You and Your Gramma Too.

In 2005 I crapped an average of 1.64 times a day. Each crap was exactly 4 pounds which means that in 2005, I crapped an actual turd weighing in at exactly 2394.4 pounds which is precisely the combined lost weight of Kirstie Alley and Anna Nichol Smith in 2005 plus 450.73 pounds of raw donkey sausage. Coincidence? Yeah right.

In the spirit of giving, I have donated the 2394.4 lb. turd to aid those affected in the Great Slant Eye Tsunami (which kinda rhymes with "transplant salami" -- (also not a coincidence)). If you'd like to donate your turd please contact The Brown Cross or Habiturd For Humanipee. Your generosipee is STILL needled and very much apeeciated.

presley motherfucker

In 2005, the average circumference of my 598.6 turds was 12.8 inches (my turds are shaped like discs for some reason). In it's relaxed state, my butthole has a circumference of .8 inches which means that in 2005, excluding hobby related activities, my butthole was stretched exactly 598 and a half feet which is exactly the precise combined depth of graves dug for my good dog Senator Ron "Chico" Lopez, the shallow graves of 13 Missing White Girls, and these 96 celebrities presented in super tiny letters:

Ruth Warrick, Virginia Mayo, Rose Mary Woods, Johnny Carson, Ray Peterson,John Vernon, Ossie Davis, Keith Knudsen, Arthur Miller, Jewel "Sammi" Smith, Brian Kelly, Sandra Dee, Hunter S. Thompson, John Raitt, Broadway, Teresa Wright, John DeLorean, Bobby Short, Johnnie Cochran, Mitch Hedberg, Terri Schiavo, Frank Perdue, Pope John Paul II, Dale Messick, Saul Bellow, Prince Rainier III, of Monaco, Ruth Hussey, Rick Lewis, Norman Bird, Sir John Mills, Mason Adams, William J. Bell, Sherman Loudermilk, Peter Rodino, Frank Gorshin, J.D. Cannon, Howard Morris, Tony the Tiger, Ismail Merchant, Eddie Albert, George Mikan, Leon Askin, Anne Bancroft, Dana Elcar, Lon McCallister, Lane Smith, Georgie Woods Shana Alexander, Paul "Tigger" Winchell, John "Piglet" Fieldler, Shelby Foote, John Walton, Luther Vandross, Obie Benson, Ernest Lehman, Hank Stram, June Haver, L. Patrick Gray, Retired Vice Adm. James Stockdale, Kevin Hagen, Frances Langford, Geraldine Fitzgerald, Ret. Gen. William Westmoreland, James Doohan, King Fahd, Ibrahim Ferrer, Peter Jennings, Barbara Bel Geddes, John H. Johnson, Judith Rossner, Brock Peters, Bob Denver, William Rehnquist, Chris Schenkel, Robert Wise, Simon Wiesenthal, Don Adams, M. Scott Peck, August Wilson, Nipsey Russell, Rosa Parks, Skitch Henderson, Michael Piller, Eddie Guerrero, Ruth "Stove Top Stuffing" Siems, Ralph Edwards, Hugh Sidey, Pat Morita, Stan Berenstain, Wendie Jo Sperber, Richard Pryor, Eugene McCarthy, William Proxmire, John Spencer, Jack Anderson, Vincent Schiavelli, Michael Vale,

Coincidence? pfffft -- if you say so.

In the spirit of the holidays, I will be walking exactly that same distance to the corner liquor store to buy hot dogs and tortillas and so long as my returned change is less than a quarter, I will consider dropping part of it (the copper colored part) into the donation bottle for that little girl with leukemia.

brian lee

In 2005 I farted an average of ten times per day, your average person farts 12-20 times but I hold mine in because I believe bigger is better and a heckuvalot more FUN. At exactly 3.78 cubic feet of FartJiuce™ per fart rated at exactly 4500 BTU's per cubic foot, the cumulative mass and energy of my personal farts for the year 2005, multiplied by 666 equals 41,349,609,000 which is a majorly HUGE number describing WIND coming out of my butt-- guess what was also a huge WIND. KATRINA! Coincidence? You must be outta your MIND!

In the spirit of the holidays, I have crammed all of those farts into a single pickle jar which will be donated to the United States Armed Forces, Hopefully, my farts can be used to bring this whole Iraq dealie to a firey and somewhat hilarious conclusion. If you'd like to donate your farts to the war effort or the rebuilding of New Orleans, buy some pickles, eat them, and fill the bottle with your farts (you may need to use a toilet plunger) and then set them afloat in a stream or other body of water as this is the preferred distribution method for military grade FartJuice™, you know, military dolphins and whatnot.

alia

That's all for now.
Don't get caught forgetting your pickle jar at home because farting in a ziploc bag doesn't look cool AT ALL.
HA HA FOOLED YOU!! It TOTALLY looks cool.
Your Most Distinguished and Honorable Lord of Dingleberry Pie,
Jimmy Carter

If I Was The Best Way To Explain To A Child Why Jews Don't Celebrate Christmas...

If I was a Super Realistic Dead Rudolph Pinata Type Deal, I'd be fresh deer carcass with a red light bulb installed in my nose, my empty chest cavity would be filled with guts and awesome expensive electronic presents crammed into condoms, I would be sewn back up and hung by the antlers in the garage. On christmas morning the kids would descend to see what Santa left and they'd find a few bad ass warrior looking knives, a Pantera box set and maybe a sword and they'd go nutts on me to find remaining gifts. I'd be the greatest new Christmas tradition to hit red states in years.

corrine

If I was A Black Triple XMAS On The North Pole, I'd be a lovely Christmas porn DVD starring Peter North and all kinds of negro elf sluts workin' North's pole and there would be candy canes getting shoved in all kinds of fruitcakes, gum drops shootin all over sugar plums, nutts would be crackin left and right and no pole would be pointing south, that's fer god damned sure. I'd be the perfect gift for any man.

rachel

If I was "Vengeance For Santa -- Get Them Mop Headed Negroes!", I'd be an awesome Christmas Day activity wherein on Christmas morning, a rich white father would explain to his three little blonde headed girls: "Santa brought you all iPods, Slutbag Barbies and Real live Ponies, but Rastafarians broke in at 2am and mugged Santa and stole all your shit. HOWEVER, they DID leave behind this Peter Tosh mix tape and a bag of weed. Enjoy!" Then they'd all get baked together and about an hour later they'd look out the window only to see a Rastafarian riding a pony down the street. The dad would run to the gun cabinet, throw each girl a rifle and he'd yell "LETS GET US SOME VENGEANCE FOR SANTA! GET THEM MOP HEADED NEGROES!!" and they'd get in the car and they'd drive around blasting Rastafarians from hell to breakfast and they'd basically steal all their shit back and plus more weed and it would be rad for everyone involved because the rifles would only be tranquilizer guns and the Rastafarians would be just poverty stricken negroes from the local projects who the dad hired for like 6 bucks an hour. TOTAL WIN WIN.

liza

If I was The Best Way To Explain To A Child Why Jews Don't Celebrate Christmas, I'd go like this "See that dude hanging on the cross? See the hair? See the beard? yeah, well that's not really Jesus, that's Santa. Jews killed him, that's why they don't like Christmas and that's also why we hate Jews". That would be followed by a viewing of the "Holocaust" DVD while snickering a lot and saying stuff like: "Yeah right, even if this DID happen, WHICH IT DIDN'T, it's totally their just desserts" and then someone would say "Did someone say DESSERT?" and then everyone would eat Jell-o shaped into little swastikas because Jell-o is the WHITEST and therefore GREATEST dessert there is. Talk about BONDING.

meleksa

If I was The Best Way To Instill In A Child The Whole Point Behind Gift Giving At Christmas Time, someone dressed as Santa would loudly crash into the child's bedroom at 3 am on Christmas Eve screaming "This is what you get for hitting your sister all year you little fuck!" then he'd relentlessly beat the child really hard with Christmas stocking with an orange in the toe then when the child was nearly passed out from pain, the Santa guy would throw five thousand dollars cash at him in wadded up ones and yell: "GOT IT?"

meredith

That's all for now!
Don't get caught tryin to convince the retarded girl across the street that you have a candy cane in your pants and all she has to do is reach in and get it.
Your Leading Cause of Pre-natal White Supremacy,
Don Ho

A Really Sincere, Not Meant To Be Funny, Letter That I Just Wrote To My Very Very Good Friend, The Poop Joke.

Oh Poop Joke I just think you are tops! -- Who gives a fuck about the stuffy hunchbacked old ladies, the stodgy politicians, the snobby comedian types that dis you and me and say that we are are unadvanced, juvenille and silly, and that it's all just too easy. You and I, we know they are full of shit, we're easy like sunday morning.

caroline

Just turn down the lights and fire up the dutch oven, laughing (or choking) WILL ensue. We know what's up Poop Joke. They can make their jokes about popular culture, they can whine about celebrities outfits and bag on their contemporaries until the cow turds come home but you and I -- we know about HISTORY.

cimeron

We don't go for trend you and I poop joke. People like us have been around for centuries. Long before Snarky McCollege was making fun of Lindsay Lohan's weird boobs (bad example), Jesus and his gay disciples were laughing at pita bread farts. Long before Ironic DelTaco was making witty jokes about terror alerts, and bagging on greasedicked hipsters, a young Mark Twain was lighting bags of poop on fire and putting them on his neighbor's raft. Poop joke, you and I -- we know how to laugh really hard at really good honest farts. We don't think we are better than other people, we just know how to have more fun, enjoy our buttholes and tear shit up which means we ARE better than other people.

meredith

You wanna know why everyone likes us? Because we don't even need to try to be funny, we just ARE funny and we will always be funny. The only people that pretend not to like us don't have any friends anyway. We're like the only creatures on the planet that cause people discomfort due to the effort needed to NOT laugh at us. It's so strange the courage and bravery and honor that it takes to be like us isn't it Poop Joke? It actually takes balls to stick with the likes of you and me Poop Joke.

caroline

Let those smartass comedians and comedy writers bag on us all they want, but Poop Joke, ultimately we'll get the really cool chicks, you know, the kind that don't freak out when we get skidmarks. The kind that can eat anywhere and fart in any kind of car. The kind that aren't fake depressed, chasing trends, career and making crappy graphic design. We get the good chicks, the kind that don't wear those dumb fucking librarian glasses and the kind that do wear those awesome librarian glasses.

corrine

We can be poor as fuck and still bag the hottest babes, it's a glorious fact. You and I can walk into a room and immediately separate the turds from the brie and even though that last thing I said didn't make one ounce of sense it doesn't matter because you and I don't need to make no bleeding sense, we just need to be who we really are and that is completely perfect.

caroline

I love you poop joke, I really really do. Those motherfuckers that can't hang, those insecure scrotumbowls that think that by not laughing with us that they are being really smart and mature and stuff are only missing out. They will all be divorced and depressed in two seconds because they can't smell the awesomeness that is the Poop Joke. Their noses are plugged and it is sad.

lindsay

Poop joke, I'm glad WE aren't sad. Even when we do get sad now and then, all we have to do is laugh at ourselves and we immediately become happy again, especially when we make poop NOISES. Oh man, we love that shit. We know what's funny. Let's go get a burrito, pick up on chicks and fart for twenty hours straight ok Poop Joke?

catherine

That's all for now!
Don't get caught lashing out at your good friends Lydia, Alex, and Will just because they don't understand the highly evolved nature of poop!
Your Extremely Academic Intellecual Negro Who Refuses To Say *Scatalogical* Because *POOP* Is One Billion Times Funnier And Twice As Efficient GAYWADS!!
Tom Brokaw

Pickle. Hot Dog. Ketchup. Mayo. Mustard. Donut Hole.

You know how when I get bored and I don't have anything I really want to write about, I fill out those MySpace Surveys and then post them on my blog? Yeah, well that's what this is you gaywads.

10 commenters:
When you go to your MySpace page, who are the current 10 people who have commented??

1. Your Mom
2. Your Dad
3. Your Sister
4. Your Brother
5. Your Uncle
6. Your Grampa
7. Your Gramma
8. President George W Bush
9. A Random Gay
10. A Real Live Fart.

Have you ever been in a relationship with 3 (Your Sister)?
If by relationship you mean: As she fiddles your brother's hot dog, I paint pictures of them with mustard and mayo on pink toilet paper -- yes, I AM in a relationship of sorts with her at this very second.

Describe 7 (Your Gramma) in one word:
Horny.

What's the best memory you have of 2 (Your Dad)?
One time your Dad and I were down at the mustard factory and we pantomimed one billion corn dog jokes with our hot dogs and then I killed him with a giant glob of cheese.

How did you meet 1 (Your Mom)?
I was the plastic surgeon she hired to fill her boobs with big globs of cheese and made it so her nipples could squirt mustard. She found me in the yellow pages. Ha ha get it? mustard yellow?

When was the last time you saw 6 (Your Grampa)?
I saw your Grampa at your Dad's funeral, he had a big mustard stain on his pants and I giggled the whole time.

How do you feel about 10 (A Real Live Fart)?
I like real live farts when they sound funny and/or resemble mustard, but not if they have the effect of deadly mustard GAS, unless I just HEAR about it and it involves some funny description of the way people look when they are choking. The idea of some dickhead choking on a real live mustard gas fart is kinda cool especially if he was choking on a hot dog at the same time.

What was 4's (your brother's) comment about?
read it yourself:
"merkley???, your pickle made ketchup and mayo come out of my donut hole"
Ketchup and pickle jokes are lame. Your brother totally wants to wobble my hot dog or something. The mayo part was pretty good though. Jizz jokes are top notch.

What don't you like about 5 (your uncle)?
He doesn't call the next day.

Have you met 9's (A Random Gay's) family?
have YOU met A Random Gay's family? That's what I thought pickledick, What are you, a fukkin homophobe? this is SF yo, get with the movement and bend over and let me introduce my hot dog to your buns mannn -- ahhh yeah, that's right -- just like that ---- oooohhhhhhhh yeah... see? There was nothin to phobe about that.

Did you comment back 3 (your sister)?
I slapped her really hard if that's what you mean. she's such a retard too, when I slapped her she's all "duuuurrrrr darrrrrrr" and then she made some of those big spit bubbles with her mouth and she also pooped her pants. It's rad you kept her feeding tube in, even radder that she only glurps down mustard and mayo. BTW, let's just say: if I crammed a hot dog way way way up her butt, do you think she'd get ANY nutrients from it? Because I was just doing my taxes and I think that might count as charitable donation seein's how she's a retard vegetable n'all.

What color looks best on 7 (your Gramma)?
That's easy, Mustard yellow unless she's naked then definitely whatever you call the color of mayo -- -- like clearish white or something.

Is 1 (Your mom) in a relationship?
technically, I never had sex with her, I just installed the cheese globs and mustard packets in her tits, why, did she say something?

What song reminds you of 10 (a real live fart)?
The one about beans being a musical fruit. That's so weird, I totally knew you were gonna ask that.

What would you change about 6 (your grampa)?
His diaper.

Does 5 (your uncle) tell you juicy secrets?
Eeeewwww, I just totally thought you said "juicy secretions" gross out. Anyway, no, no juicy secrets. Dude, say "juicy" like twenty times in a row. Jewwwsseeee... that's a weird word ---- *WEIRD* is a weird word too --- ooh, say THAT: weird word weird word weird word -- I love the english language it's so CRAZY.

Tell me something wonderful about 8 (President George W. Bush).
He is the best president on the history of our great nation.

Does 9 (A Random Gay) make you laugh?
All gays are hilarious especially when they snap their fingers and say stuff like "you go girl" I love that shit.

Ok now chop off your hot dog.

What? That's not a question.

Oh yeah, I don't have anymore questions.

Good. I was getting bored.

Me too.

We have a lot in common,

Yeah, sounds like you had sex with everyone in my family.

Nah, I was just joking.

I know.

Except about your Grampa, I'd totally change his diaper if I were you....... oh yeah, and I killed your Dad with a glob of cheese.

Just then merkley??? and the interviewer were hit by an out of control hot dog cart and killed as George W. Bush giggled about the whole idea of MUSTARD GAS.

The end.

That's all for now!
Don't get caught slowly sounding out the word JUICY and slowly morphing into the word JEWISHY while getting a really paranoid look on your face.
Your Most Effective Form Of Mustard/Birth Control Paste,
Ronald McDonald

Tookie Giveth and Tookie Pisseth Away (and a Totally Awesome Surprise Ending That Will Leave You Begging For Your Faggot Mommy)

So I bumped into Stanley "Tookie" Williams, the Aaron Neville impersonator and inventor/founder of the CRIPS in his cell on death row. He certainly was muscley and gigantic and Aaron Nevilley (only without the mole) but he was TOTALLY peeing his pants -- like MAJORLY.

"What's up Tookie? I ask as I flash him some weird hand stuff that makes it look like I am a gang, only do it really super super fast so he can't tell I'm just making it up and I make sure to add in the sign language thing for the letter *J* because it's the only one I ever really remember and it makes me look legit, "What's with all the pee?"

"It's not pee, it's lemonade", Tookie responds "I write kids books. I help kids. I am good. Nobel peace prize. I was nominated. It's lemonade. Taste it.

"Uuummmm well, no thanks, it's coming out of your weiner and ummm BTW, I don't think you should keep your weiner tucked between your legs like that. It doesn't look very tough."

"Duh. That's the point JIVE TURKEY" and then he does that thing Prince always did with the peace sign where he slides it across his eyes like he's tricky or sexy or something,

There's a knock at the door and in walks the one and only Snoop Doggy Dog, he is carrying a big bunny costume.

"Here Tookie nizzle -- put this on. It'll make you cuter izzle izzle fizzle fazzle fiddle faddle bedazzler."

"HA HA -- I LOVE Fiddle Faddle!" I say "and BeDazzlers!"

Tookie puts on the bunny suit and immediately fills it with pee.

"Good thinking Snoop!" I quip .. "this whole campaign to make Tookie into the cutest thing alive is totally awesome, not to mention COMPLETELY ADORABLE!"

"Tookienizzle nazzle -- you gotta stop pissizzling your pizzants. Pizzeople don't like pizzee. Pizzee ain't supposta bizzee pizzart of the prizzogrizzam!"

"Its not pee." I whisper in Snoops ear, "it's lizzemonizzade wizzink wizzink."

"Fo shizzle."

Anyway Tookie, I know you are super busy with last minute pants pissing and what not but I just wanted to say that I hate chinks too so I'm TOTALLY glad you slaughtered the fuck out of those -- what did you call them? Buddaheads? Yeah -- that was awesome -- dude --you know -- how you blew them away at point blank with a SHOTGUN

-- Arnold SchwarzeNegro should be fucking giving you a fucking AWARD for that shit. I mean that old gook was like 75 and his wife? Psshhh WHORE! And that daugher? That's what she gets for bein' a chink right?

OOOHHH and dude, and that freckled white dude you shot in the back at the 7-11 for like 60 bucks? --- what a total NERD!!

High five bro!

"Shhhhhhhh. Don't talk about the white one. Besides, I never admitted to either of those crimes". Tookie says as he ties a big pink bow on his head and fluffs his bunny tail. "Does this make my butt look cute?" Tookie asks Snoop -- "not in a gay way -- you know -- like a bunny's butt?"

"Fo shizzle my bizunny nizzle."

"And seriously," I continue, "that CRIPS gang you put together -- talk about a lifetime motherfucking achievement award --- the governor is TOTALLY gonna grant you clemency for that shit -- he HATES the coloreds and that's like the most ingenious anti-colored invention of all time. Did you plan that? You're like the Richard Simmons of black on black genocide or something. It's pure fucking genius. How did you come up with that? Like how many negroes have killed other negroes with all that gang stuff?"

"Thousands and thousands and billions" Tookie beams as he paints little cute freckles on his bunny cheeks. (still peeing buckets by the way.)

"Don't you worry Tookie, there ain't no way a good aryan like Arnold Schwarzenegro is gonna be putting you to death cuz you gotta keep them cute little negroes looking up to you as a hero so your anti-negro CRIPS invention can work and finally wipe the black race off the earth for good. What Nazi could possibly hate THAT!? I mean what better way to confuse a bunch of negroes than by getting a ruthless murderer who invented the leading cause of black death to write the books that will obviously inspire the young negroes to follow in his exact same footsteps but with the main trick being reverse psychology in that you tell them that gangs and your invention is "WHACK" and is only for "JIVE TURKEYS" and "DON'T DO IT". Honestly Tookie, I didn't even know that negroes KNEW about reverse psychology but you sure proved ME wrong. You writing books about the evils of gang life is like Charles Manson writing a book on how not to look creepy. It's AWESOME!!

"Thanks" says Tookie -- "How do you like this?" Tookie does his best Bo Jangles impersonation and I have to admit it is fucking adorable, it's like Aaron Neville without the mole and a whole lot more spunk only dressed as a bunny with his weenie tucked between his legs peeing five billion gallons.

"You are so TOTALLY gonna get clemency" I say.

Just then, in walks Oscar™ Award winner Jamie Foxx. He is still acting blind so he is bumping into shit and then he starts singing as Ray Charles:
"Happy biiiirrrrthday tooo oooo ooo ooooh oooh meeeeeeee e e eeee eee eee ,
happy buuuuuuuurrrth day to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,
happy birth day dear Raaaaaaaayyyyy Chaaaaaaaarles,
happy birthday toooooo meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....."

and the eeeeeee part goes on for like three hours and ten minutes and not once does Tookie stop peeing his pants.

"Does he know he's not actually Ray Charles?" I ask Snoop.

"Nizzo"

"Anyway, I seriously gotta hand it to all of you guys, you couldn't have planned this more perfectly," I tell them "you got Snoop Dogg, one of the most famous CRIPS, you got Jamie Foxx as the beloved Ray Charles who is really the only black person besides Jimmy J.J. Walker that white people ever really liked, you got the NAACP, you got JESSIE MOTHERFUKKKIN' JACKKKSON, ... you guys have turned this whole situation into a win win for Whitey. What am I saying? This is win win win win win -- like ten or thirteen wins for whitey; Arnold says "DIE" and the book sales go through the roof, you're a martyr, blacks rebel and gangs get even bigger meaning more black on black murder and even though it's just a drop in the bucket your execution does equal one more dead black dude and if Arnold says LIVE, book sales go through the roof, you keep leading the black genocide with reverse psychology in your new bunny get-up. I mean, no matter what happens here Whitey wins. So on behalf of white people everywhere let me be the first to say THANK YOU TOOKIE!!

Just then I notice that I am, in fact, completely dead and have been for a few minutes because I apparently drowned in Tookie's billions of gallons of pee that flooded the earth. Everything I typed since I typed the spooky "KKK" in Jessie Jackson's name has been my actual ghost doing the typing. In fact, wanna know what? I just noticed that EVERYONE is dead EXCEPT TOOKIE!! What a weird twist. Snoop, Jamie Foxx as Ray Charles, Jessie Jackson, Charles Manson (who looks remarkably UNCREEPY -- dead --- hmmmmph), and even Arnold Schwarzenegro, EVERYBODY is dead, all drowneded in Tookie's PEE

Even you dear reader. You are dead too.

Today, we ALL drowned in Tookie's fear pee. It was a very special pee, that, like Noah's great flood, returned to cleanse the earth, only this time, there was no ark. So whatever you THINK you watched on TV or whatever you DREAMED that you read about this case after it is all decided, just remember it's all in your dead rotting head or spirit or ghost or whateverthefuck because you are in fact DEAD, we ALL are. Who knew?

At least we now know that there is DEFINITELY life after death and it's exactly like life BEFORE death except it smells a little bit more like Tookie's pee.

I'm not kidding. You're dead. Don't believe me? Punch yourself really hard in the face and see if you feel anything you fucking pee guzzling ghostfucks. Tookie giveth and Tookie pisseth away.

That's all for now!
Don't get caught fiddling with your ghost hoodeehoo and thinking "wow, this feels just like my regular hoodeedoo -- THANKS TOOKIE!"
Your Multi-National, Multi-Lingual, Multi-Sclerosis, Multi-Platform Lover of All Things ELLEN!,
Richard P