merkley???: I May Not Be God, But at Least I'm Real.: Guess Who Doesn't Feel Like Being Funny or Talking About Poop Today

January 02, 2006

Guess Who Doesn't Feel Like Being Funny or Talking About Poop Today

You guessed it! YOU!

Just kidding, you were right, it's me. BUT!!, as compensation, I am going to break with tradition and post some pictures of actual boobs with nipples and everything. I know, I usually try to do the PG-13 photo that makes you think Rated R or X stuff, but saturday, Emily, who is visiting from NYC, came over with a gnarly cut on her hand that had been stitched up all white trash style and we decided to document the injury with it's own photo shoot. We both agreed that topless was far more trash rock than not and I think the photos are too cool to not post.

SO SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE!

Emily- Scar & Smoke

Emily Scar Deitada

Emily at Merkley???'s Bar

Emily & Butterface

Emily - Bird

Also, I am totally excited about my other blog about my sleep time adventures. There are gonna be lots of things to read over there from now on -- you can count on it. I'm writing them down as fact rather than fiction so hopefully it won't be boring. Last night's adventure is called: Sheistey Burt Reynolds, Fat Woman Butt and Pig in a Poncho Fantastic. Sheesh, what am I saying? false modesty is the only boring thing around here. MY DREAMS ARE FANTASTIC!

That's all for now!
Don't get caught saying stuff like "Wow, those stitches are gnarly, we should totally take pictures of them. Now take off your shirt!"
Your Soggy Pole Vaulting Second Runner Up Ribbon Winner,
Tipper Gore

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

merkley??? is a gaywad.

sorry everybody.
i had to turn comment moderation on. there has been an unwelcome person leaving comments for the last ten months. i have tried being nice, i have tried being mean, i have tried ignoring this person, i have tried confronting this person but no matter what i do, this person demands my attention. this person doesn not realize that being a decent person means knowing when to leave someone alone. this person is in need of some professional help. i hope this person gets said help.

i can't be spending all day deleting this persons dozens of deluded comments and pleas for attention nor do i wish this blog to beome a forum for this person's need for attention, so until blogger gets it's shit together and makes ip blocking an option, i guess i'll be moderating comments like a fucking school principal or some shit.

some people wreck stuff for everybody. this is not a trait of a good person, i think we can all agree on that.

also, if anyone knows who i'm talking about, i'd prefer it if we all just ignored that person.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:20 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

this person should also know that their comments will be deleted unread.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:26 PM

Wendy is a gaywad.

see, now those are nipples you can hang a candy cane on...if you have no idea what I am talking about, it's on me blog.

I totally dig the horror of wound pics, I always take pictures of my hiking injuries and cuts and surgery stitches n shit. Good stuff.

Awwwww! Butterface! at first it looked like she was jumping out of Emily's netherlands...

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 6:59 PM

littlesnopeep is a gaywad.

What camera do you use for your photos, and what main tools in photoshop do you use for getting those wikkid effects?
Damn merks you look hot today in the blogger profile picture, what with all your pretty blonde hair and pink glamor shots photo....all snazzy n shit.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:35 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

snowpee
cameras vary and have little to do with the final result.
tools in photoshop
lasso
blur
contrast
cloror balance
saturation
selective color

and time and attention to detail

thats about it

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:56 AM

Virgle Kent is a gaywad.

My friend you just took this shit to another level! Shit just got real around herrrr. Now that’s how you start 2006.

P.S I think I have a new favorite.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 6:32 AM

Lake Allison is a gaywad.

Cut up hands are cool.
ALMOST better than poop.

I've gotta learn to use photoshop to fix the ass-awful pictures on my blog.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:00 AM

gaby is a gaywad.

the first one and the one with butterface are awesome awesome awesome. bloody scars are the bound feet of america.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:21 PM

Danny is a gaywad.

Great! Now I'm gonna worry all the time that my comments won't "pass the test".

Fuck man, You have so much control now. And I'm not sure if it's ok for me to mention that I'm totally hard right now since you posted those pictures, and since Baster is in my ass.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:36 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

wendy,
maybe butterface WAS jumping out of emily's netherland.

====================

Virgle Kent,
I knew you'd like those.
====================

Allison Quick the Assassin Chick,
so you can see why we had to photograph them.
====================

Danny,
you are right to worry danny, you know what a prude i can be.
====================

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:54 PM

Calzone is a gaywad.

That shits hot dog. Blood. the only thing hotter is if she were waering her vagina for a hat. Now that's the shit that will get your name out there dilly

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:45 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

calzone,
funny you should say that, i mentioned the same thing to her about the hat but she just sprayed me with lysol and didnt respond, i took it as meaning NO.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:51 PM

funkybiznatch is a gaywad.

sweet cans and pirate/nautical tattoos are two of my favorite things. therefore this post is total awesome.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:53 PM

Malicia is a gaywad.

Lovely work...if only your penis got in the corner of one of the shots.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 6:16 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

lyds,
thanks. coming from someone with enormous cans, that means a lot.

tear falls on ant. kills ant. tear is acid.
==================

malicia,
i told her if she wasn't nice i'd photoshop one hundred penises of all variety all over her body.
then she kicked my balls. (which were in my pants by the way.)
===================

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:06 PM

Tumbleweed is a gaywad.

I am too impressed to even be a smart ass! I truely love those photos, you are incredible. I don't just say that to anyone. WOW!! I am totally using those photoshop tools on some of my photography. Thanks for the inspiration!!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:33 PM

ing is a gaywad.

Your blog is soooo cool-looking!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:25 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

tumbleweed,
THANKS! come back all the time.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:46 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

ing,
Thanks to you too. too bad it smells like crap!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:47 AM

jiggs is a gaywad.

I once went onto somebody's blog and everyday told them about how small my penis was (this lasted a fortnight). I thought this activity was hilarious, but she got progressively more pissed at me.

One day I decided a whole day of their blog's comments should revolve around my penis and how extremely little it is. That pissed this person off real good and then I felt guilty and I stopped.

The pics are sweet.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:13 AM

Table Mountains is a gaywad.

hi from an old guy in newfoundland.i dabble in photoshop also.great pics.im your new fan : )

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:17 PM

poopee shmoopee is a gaywad.

yay. more photos of you getting the finger please!!!!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:26 PM

ing is a gaywad.

Good for the crops, though.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:54 PM

Monkey is a gaywad.

Gorgeous photos and now I'm in love with your friend.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:46 PM

Anonymous is a gaywad.

i vote more boobs & more butterface on your blog.

word verification: agtmlt. agent melt! my new alter ego! sweet.

-gaby

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:47 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Table Mountains,
thanks for commenting table dude!
====================

poopee shmoopee,
i told her "do what you'd do if i were poopee shmoopee --- sorry dude. i mean -- congratulations ---- dude.
===================

ing,
craps for crops.
===================

Monkey,
are you a dyke? i'm tellin calzone -- he'll be stoked.
===================

gaby
me too.
===================

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:30 PM

Calzone is a gaywad.

I wouldn't hang out with a Betty that didn't like boobs.

Hey..you been over to Willy Jo's? Only one person has voted for you to be fucked in the ass by him.

I'd be pissed.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:29 AM

raymi lauren is a gaywad.

i like her anchor tatto. how did she get them stitches? merkley is a bum pirate.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:23 PM

jiggs is a gaywad.

The gulf in coolness between you and I is astounding. You get women to come over to your house and photograph them topless while I sit by myself and watch mythbusters.

they are sweet pics, though.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:07 PM

kellywalters is a gaywad.

wow...

seriously..

how fucking hot is she...

I wish she was in on the contest.. I would be trying harder..

hot damn

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:08 PM

jiggs is a gaywad.

poo!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:10 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

merkley??? said...
Calzone,
that's terrible news -- i'm going over there to claim my rightful butthump
==================

raymi,
I may be a bum pirate but your finger smells like poop -- smae diff. pants crapper.
==================

RoxiMoon,
what contest? and
==================

ha ha BEST word verification EVER!
no shit" VAGNLAW

vagina in law -- that's fucking awesome.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:10 PM

The Hatter. is a gaywad.

Merkley .........you my friend are a Genious I love your art work and creative works. And I love how to rip a new asshole in someone who is moronoic and deserves it. Its genious and brilliant being a Poet and Artist myself I ran across your site by typing random nonsense in Google. I am a bit insane but I know where I am going with my mind. . . . Whats left of it anyway. I should have posted before but I just do not like to talk much. Keep up the good work and the brilliant works of art It's inspiring and delightful to read. I will respond sometime in future if I feel the need to. .......your friend Captain Dickbox.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:50 PM

The Hatter is a gaywad.

Merkley .........you my friend are a Genious I love your art work and creative works. And I love how to rip a new asshole in someone who is moronoic and deserves it. Its genious and brilliant being a Poet and Artist myself I ran across your site by typing random nonsense in Google. I am a bit insane but I know where I am going with my mind. . . . Whats left of it anyway. I should have posted before but I just do not like to talk much. Keep up the good work and the brilliant works of art It's inspiring and delightful to read. I will respond sometime in future if I feel the need to. .......your friend Captain Dickbox.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:52 PM

Monkey is a gaywad.

I've always played for both teams Merkley???

Hence my enormous hoo-hah even though I am clearly, a boy.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:04 PM

Casey is a gaywad.

I turned you in to the blogspot.com for having an obscene blog. Have a good day Jerk.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:05 AM

Casey is a gaywad.

I turned you in to the blogspot.com for having an obscene blog. Have a good day Jerk.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:05 AM

Casey is a gaywad.

I turned you in to the blogspot.com for having an obscene blog. Have a good day Jerk.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:07 AM

Deadpool is a gaywad.

merkley hi. nice to meet you...ummm i'm not sure if you can tell, but in that pic of the jamesons irish whiskey (the best whiskey out there i might add) you can see a topless girl in the foreground.

not sure if you were aware.

regardless jamesons and topless girls are a great couple.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:03 AM

fish hat!!! is a gaywad.

Casey- are you so ashamed of your own body that any nude portraits are instantly deemed obscene? Maybe you could just use your freedom of choice to stay the fuck off the blog? Meanwhile, I am pretty sure merkley hosts this off his threequestionmarks server so your threatening to report him just heightens the impression that you don't know what the fuck is going on. Even if blogger agreed with your sad sheltered opinion, merkley could switch to wordpress or what the fuck ever in a day or so...Did I already say that you should probably choke on it?... well, either way, you probably should choke on it- "it" can be anything you choose so long as you choke on it... So there you go, get choking...

Merkley- These shots are awesome. I have nicked more than one of your photoshop tricks recently and have become quite a fan of your work... for what that's worth.

Oh yeah- cute dog...

...and if casey was the person who shouldn't get any attention- my apologies...

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:33 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

The Hatter,
hey -- thanks for all the kind words and stuff. take off your pants and hang out or somethin. -- don't take off your shoes though. the floor is pretty dirty. lots of pee dribbles.
================

Monkey,
well thats definitely one more solid reason to like you. i'm not gonna lie.
====================

Casey,
THANKS!
===================

Casey,
I hope they like my blog! is that like a nomination or something? "the jerk" is one of my FAVORITE movies. thanks for tghe comarison. i'm honored -- but not worthy.
==================

Casey,
You nominated me THREE TIMES? is that against the rules? I hope you didn't blow my chances -- crap -- now I'm worried.

dear blogger awards people,
please disregard the attempted ballot box stuffing from a person named casey, she is only a very recent fan of my work and has not yet been to any of the fan club meetings wherein it is clearly explained that over excitement can lead to junk like cheating and ballot box stuffing as well as sometimes a little pee dribble on the floor which only makes it so other guests have to keep their shoes on. i realize this bums you guys the fuck out n'shit but don't be bummed -- she's just new.

anyway blogger -- cool idea -- you know -- blogs njunk.

merkley???

i hope that'll get me back in good graces with the awards commitee.

look casey -- no harm no foul, now come over for a hug and a pat down -- you know -- to check for weapons. gotta have your weapons casey. CASEY!
=======================

Deadpool,
i agree with everything you said -- like a lot.
===================

fish hat!!!,

hey you bastard! nice to see you.
for any of you that dont know fishpants, he and i had a very entertaining blog fight once over at his place -- he was a pretty good opponent for the most part, i mean he did keep calling me fat and stuff and that of course is always a super cool burn, but towards the end he just wasn't mean enough so i had to step in and whisper in is ear some really good ways to insult me so it would actually hurt. turns out he's too nice a guy to really be mean -- i suppose that's a good thing. mean people are overrated -- besides, mean people are just sad people who feel way too much love and stuff. most of them are fags. true. not me though. not REALLY.

anyway, i think we should cut casey some slack. i went to her blog called "alone in tacoma" and i cried for like 4 days -- she was recently dumped by numerous men and she is at a very confusing state in her life. i think her ex may have dumped her for internet porn or something which might explain the hate directed at the four lovely boobs above. (read her "more about me" section. i'm sure she'd love emily. everybody loves emily. other than a few hang-ups here and there, she seems like a dynamite woman -- she's not fat -- so she's got that going for her.

anyway fishfeet!!! -- i think you should go over to her blog and have a HUGE blog fight, and then you two can kiss and makeout, kinda like we did. don't be too mean -- i think she's kinda fragile right now. maybe establish a SAFE word first.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:59 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

looks like casey removed the link to her blog

here's the blog

here's the brief introduction

as willy jo would say, bring some terlet paper. you definitley might get a little misty.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:08 PM

fish hat!!! is a gaywad.

In all honesty, I would much rather have a web fight with you- but who can stay mad at that face?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:49 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

and besides, from her latest post, it seems she may have been the victim of a prank in which someone was leaving comments as her. sounds like something danny, baster or clazone would do. if it was -- that's a pretty good joke fellas.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:55 PM

Melliferous Pants is a gaywad.

I had something to say, then I read Calzone's comment and I can't get the image of a vagina hat out of my head. Thanks a lot, pasta dragon.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:53 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

great,
now i'm singing the melliferous pants song again.
thanks a lot pasta dragon.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:00 PM

Melliferous Pants is a gaywad.

How does the Melliferous Pants song go?

My pants want to know.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:52 PM

St. Francis is a gaywad.

Calzone doesn't pull shit like that he's a righteous motherfucker.

I wish I could be more like him.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:27 PM

Mike is a gaywad.

Wow, not sure how I made it here, but this is great! Nice job!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 5:39 PM

St. Francis is a gaywad.

I'm sorry if I hurt you

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:35 PM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

Melliferous Pants,
it goes; Melliferous Pants, Melliferous Paaants, Meeeelliferous Pants,Melliiiiiferous Pants, Mellifeeeeeerous Pants, Melliferooooous Paaaaants, Mmmmmelliferous Pannnnnnts, Meeeeelliferous Pants, Melllllllliferous P p p p p p ants, Melliferouuuuuuus Pantsssssssssah, Mmmmmmelliferous Pannnnnnnnts, Melliiiiiiiferous Paaaaaaants, Meeeeeeelliferous Pannnnnnts, Melliferrrrrrrrrrous Pants, Mellllllllllliferous Pants, Melliferouuuuuuuus Pants, Melliffffffffffffferous Pantttttts, Melliferooooooooous Pants, Melliferrrrrrrrrous Paaaaaaaaants, Melliferous Pants
===============

St. Francis,
me too.
=============

Mike,
thanks dudes.
=================

St. Francis,
you didn't hurt me very much.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 10:31 PM

St. Francis is a gaywad.

I really feel like I did.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:49 PM

The Hatter is a gaywad.

Eh no problem. I would rather take off my skin and scare children as a fleshy bag of greasy bones. Tis always okay though. Maybe I will go write a book THE ILLUSTRATED HISTORY OF FOLDING CHAIRS BY SOME ASSHOLE WHO NOBODY KNOWS! Chairs suck...........I have come to realize I am mentally insane. Yet I accept it but at the same time Mentally ill people do not know they are Ill.....Guess I am the first of my kind. I will shut up now .......And now the offended monkeys will riot, crapping in their hands and randomly throwing at passers yeah........Monkeys rule.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:24 PM

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:25 PM

cindy is a gaywad.

Alright, you know I love the boobs. Very nice job.
But dude, why all the compassion for that 'Casey' chick? I so wish you hadn't reposted the link to her blog cause you know I was forced to see what would possibly have you suggesting to bring some 'tertlet paper' with you. Since this is your poopy cool blog I'll refrain from expressing too many thoughts on her, but suffice it to say, her blog made me want to vomit.
Anyway, if you ever want to photograph some more nude jugs, please add me to the waitlist, as I'm sure there is one.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 3:58 PM