If I Was an Older Wiser Experienced Pee Splatter in Some Gas Station's Men's Restroom Out On The Highway...

If I was an Ordinary, Run of The Mill Fart, I'd be a little miffed that nobody really knows how to write down what I sound like yet everyone seems to be able to impersonate me like a total pro. I'd also be a little bummed that "pfffft", which is the closest anyone ever really came to accurately writing out what I sound like, just means miffed or put off which is exactly what I'd be at this very second.

Shannon

If I was Really Bad Breath and Also Kinda Dickish, my favorite words would be words like "WHO", "HOW", "WHY","HARRY" and any other super windy word that'd unleash me into your face and I'd probably often think about how clever I was to mostly take up residency in the hot jerky holes of interrogators and such.

Cimi

If I was an Older Wiser Experienced Pee Splatter in Some Gas Station's Men's Restroom Out On The Highway, and some new young pee splatters were complaining and generally being ungrateful about this or that, I'd probably lecture them about how lucky they were to be wiener pee splatters and not vergeena pee splatters and then I'd go on and on about difference between the dude's bathroom and the chick's bathroom and how the chick's bathroom was certain death for the likes of them and so on and so forth but I'd make damn sure to be funny and entertaining while I was doing it because it's important for young pee splatters to have role models and it's important for older pee splatters to remember what it was like to be young and drippy.

My neice Shanelle

If any of you fuckers talk shit I'll kick your face in.

Also, I can't seem to stop being Lou Reed.

That's all for now.
Don't get caught pretending the urinal pellet is Ellen DeGeneres or a sandwich or something.
Your Master of I Don't Care-emonies,
Laci Peterson