Special Emergency Announcement Regarding The Payment of Sins By Jesus H. Christ

You have to try what I'm about to tell you. Trust me -- it really works.

As it turns out, Jesus actually DID pay for our sins.

So I'm at this strip bar and this nasty stripper get's all up on my junk and she asks me

"You wanna lap dance baby?"

So I lower my voice and try to sound all saucy and naughty and I ask her;

"Well that depends, is a lap dance a sin?"

and she gets all saucy and naughty sounding right back and she says

"Ooooh, you better believe it baby"

and so I say

"Cool, --- Jesus paid for all my sins --- put it on his tab."

And it totally works!! --- FREE LAP DANCE!! But get this, it works with booze, hookers, cheap motels, really really expensive hotels, most kinds of chocolate (not white), pretty much anything that happens after midnight, everything in Vegas and edible underpants too!! Oh yeah --- and HBO!!! All free!!! Paid for by Jesus Christ!!! HALLELUJAH!!!

It truly is Christmas all year long so pour yourself some expensive fuckin' whiskey and raise your glass to Jesus. Afterall, it's all on his bill.

Weeeeeehooooooooo!!! THREE CHEERS FOR JESUS!!!

By the way, for you snobby wine lovers --- wine ain't a sin. You still gotta pay.

That's all for now.
Don't get caught reposting your Christmas email from like four billion years ago because you're too lazy to write something new.
Your Patron Saint of Pure Awesomeness,
Bryant Gumble

Disclaimer : If this doesn't work for you -- don't sue me -- sue Jesus -- direct all complaints and lawsuits to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (the Mormons) in SLC Utah.