A Tall Tear Jerker Tale of a Super Mad Sad Tan Girl and Her Terrible Tiny Tear Jerks
Once upon a slime there was a Super Mad Sad Tan Girl who cried one thousand billion tears. Each little tear was so mad sad pissed that when they slipped and sloshed to the ground they all started beating the crap out of each other, kicking each other in their tear balls and punching each other in their tear boobs. It's a well known fact that The Super Mad Sad Tan Girl's tears can actually bleed so when her mad sad tears began slicing each other's tear throats, well, the blood bubbled and sprayed out all over the place.
The Super Mad Sad Tan Girl raised her soggy head just in time to not float away in the river of tear blood. When she saw all the comotion she focused her foggy tear soaked gaze on this one Little Tiny Baby Blurry Tear that was trying to keep two older gigantic tears from blowing each other's brains out. The Little Tiny Baby Blurry Tear was trying to hold back The Bigger Badder Tear who had forty machine guns pointed at the transparent dick of the other Bigger Badder Tear. Seeing this drama, The Super Mad Sad Tan Girl for one nanosecond forgot why she was crying in the first place because just then she noticed that the The Bigger Badder Tear With The Forty Machine Guns had inadvertantly dislodged the pins from the two thousand shit grenades he had in his left pocket which was precisely one millimeter away from The Little Tiny Baby Blurry Tear's right eyeball.
The Super Mad Sad Tan Girl yelled:
"Watch out Little Tiny Baby Blurry Tear!! This place is gonna blow!!"
The Little Tiny Baby Blurry Tear turned to The Super Mad Sad Tan Girl and with tears welled up in her own little tiny baby tear eyes (yes that's possible) The Little Tiny Baby Blurry Tear said in her tiny little voice:
"But Super Mad Sad Tan Girl, we're just doing what you wanted. We only want you to be happ----..."
Just then The Bigger Badder Tear's two thousand shit grenades blew up --- completely evaporating every tear and drop of tear blood within two inches (tears are very small you know - two inches is huge to a tear). The Bigger Badder Tears, The Little Tiny Baby Blurry Tear, the tear blood, and shit grenades all turned into a cute little, albeit slightly stinky, puff of steam which floated right up The Super Mad Sad Tan Girl's nose causing her to sneeze out a big tear soaked snot bubble that landed in the phone book highlighting one name and phone number.
Harold Powderblinker D.D.S 212-DRY-HEAD
The Super Mad Sad Tan Girl laughed for the first time in 100,000 years. She quickly picked up the phone and dialed as fast as her damp little pruny fingers could dial.
There was no answer, just an answering machine:
"You have reached the offices of Harry Powderblinker. He will be out of the office until the cows come home."
So picking up on the obvious message from the great forces at work The Super MadSad Tan Girl grew a beard, dried her eyes, moved to the country, raised cows, ate lots of steak, got lots of head from old women with no salivary glands and lived happily ever after.
For five minutes -- then it was back to crying.
The End.
That's all for now.
Don't get caught being so overcome with laziness that you begin to rape the comment sections of your Super Mad Sad Tan Girl MySpace friend for old shit you wrote when you were drunk and trying to cheer a sad bitch up.
Your Master of Scare-emonies,
RRRRRRicharrrrd DAWSON
