merkley???: I May Not Be God, But at Least I'm Real.: The First Time I Ever Left The Cake Out In The Rain and She Couldn't Take It Cuz It Took Super Long To Bake It and She Lost The Recipe or Some Shit

March 20, 2006

The First Time I Ever Left The Cake Out In The Rain and She Couldn't Take It Cuz It Took Super Long To Bake It and She Lost The Recipe or Some Shit

18. Who was your first celebrity crush?

I thought Marsha Brady was kinda hot but I didn't want to kiss her or anything.

My kindergarten teacher was pretty famous in the school, she made my pants feel zingy and weird.

But Donna Summer, WOW. Now there was a WOMAN.

Donna Summer was the subject of my first boner dream. I was like what, 8 or 9? I don't know, but I had a dream that she was hugging me and rubbing my back and her boobs were right next to my eyeball and she smelled like roses and skin and I totally had a dreamboner and I was worried that she would notice and she did notice but since I was too young and naive to even know that you were actually supposed to DO something with the boner and she knew that too or was just being a lady, she just smiled at me with her perfectly white teeth and big red shiny lips.

Toot toot hey beep beep indeed.

Oh yeah, I also wanted to nibble on Andy Rooney's ass moles.

Kids.

Ruth Buzzi slapped my ass when I was 14.

The End

Now here are some more pictures of pretty girls.

kelly tunstall

christina

lindsay & kiley

That's all for now.
Don't get caught gettin all bonery for Mrs. Howell instead of Ginger or Mary Ann.
Your Antiques Load Show,
Billy Ocean

FUCK FRANCINE!!:

raymi lauren is a gaywad.

i like kiley.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 6:19 AM

merkley??? is a gaywad.

if you would have written:

"i likey kiley"

i would have written:

"no, you like anagrams"

and that would have been great.

you blew it raymi.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 9:14 AM

poopee shmoopee is a gaywad.

kelly looks like she should have rubber gloves on and be doing some of those dishes.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:54 PM

francine o. is a gaywad.

max planck knew donna's daughter. she went to college with us. she was gor-geous like her mama.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 4:00 PM

raymi lauren is a gaywad.

where the fuck have you been? email me and tell me if you are going to be on msn and then i will sign onto msn and then i can tel you all of my sweet gossip!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:20 AM

gabrielle is a gaywad.

obviously you dont know what an anagram is and obviously these are cop out blog posts full of some lameo myspace survey

i mean, not to complain or nooothhing...

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:46 AM

~*Bettie is a gaywad.

I hear crying Emo kids. . . anyone gotta shovel?

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 7:41 PM

MPD is a gaywad.

my first celebrity crush was Joyce DeWitt from Three's Company. I used to perform my masturbatory exercises every day when it came on

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 8:56 PM

GN is a gaywad.

LoL...your random post topics kill me. Definitely a sultan of spontaneity. Great stuff like always.

My first crush was on the blonde from "New Zoo Revue," a kid's show from the '70s (remember that?)...I thought her knee-high sox were hot. Then there was Wonder Woman. Linda Carter? Shoot.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 12:50 PM

Alex Blagg is a gaywad.

you're still a faggot!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 2:32 PM

Squid Vicious is a gaywad.

Man that chick by the sink is short. It's a good thing God genetically engineered women with suck small feet. It sure makes it easier for them to get closer to the sink to do the dishes!

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 11:01 PM

Samantha Murphy is a gaywad.

I met Donna Summer in the bathroom of PF Changs in Nashville years ago. She lives here now. Does that seem weird to anyone besides me?
She was so nice and asked me what I did for a living. Most celebrities couldn't give a rat's ass about anyone but themselves, but I could tell she was genuinely interested.
She sings her ass off and cake in the rain (MacArthur Park) is a fantastic song.

# I fondled your brother's boobs at 1:33 PM