The First Time I Ever Thonked My Boner on The Pillsbury Cookie Dough Girl's Leg

So I got this MySpace survey deal which actually had some good questions in it. Originally I answered them all with real short answers, but hell, all the questions were about first times doing stuff, so I figured the twenty questions would get me through the next twenty blog posts, so bite me faggots.

1. Who was your first prom date?

My first prom date was a white girl named Margaret Somethingerother. She wasn't even close to being fat but she had really squishy white arms and lots of moles, and although I never got a chance to maw on her wobbly non-biceps or any other part of her gooey body, there is a very good chance that she was made entirely out of chocolate chip cookie dough.

She was a senior, I was a sophomore. I didn't ask her to prom, she asked me to prom. That makes me freeeking RAD. I thought I was the coolest fucking sophomore dude in the whole school. I mean I was asked by a SENIOR chick to HER prom and she was made out of COOKIE FUCKING DOUGH! Sure, now that I look back, everyone was probably thinking, "oh that pathetic Cookie Dough Margaret", but fuck off assholes, I was MILFing all over the god damn place long before MILFing was god damn COOL.

We went in her yellow Jeep with a torn rag top. She drove. It was fucking freezing and the ride was very bumpy. The drive up seemed to take forfuckingever. I haven't the slightest idea what we talked about, I was just amazed that I was on a date with a senior chick. As she steered that bouncy Jeep her arms jiggled like hell. It was pretty cool.

She wore a beige colored dress which was basically the same exact color as her skin (sans the chocolate chips) so if you squinted just so, she may as well have been completely naked, you know, like one of those formerly fat people who has all that extra skin flapping around, yeah, like that. I didn't do the squinting trick then but I can certainly imagine it very clearly in my mind right now.

Whoa, I'm still imagining it.

Now I'm imagining her twirling around and all her loose skin is flapping out to the sides and chocolate chips are flying off everywhere and people and small animals are running up to lick her and Maury Povich is trying to get her number to be on his show because he loves the babes with enough skin to cover ten sofas -- mann, my imagination is fucking kicking my ass right now --- HOLY SHIT!!, some of her skin flaps just flew off and hit the principal in the face like a big pizza dough thing. Everyone is laughing and pointing, THIS IS AWESOME!!.

Ok -- sorry, back to the story,

The prom was at he state capitol building in SLC -- total echo chamber. Why the fuck do people throw dances in places like this? It was like throwing a dance in a giant toilet stall. Everything was all marble and freezing cold. Dumb I tell ya. Dumb. Nobody could tell what fucking song was playing because it was so forking muddy and ECHOEY. The place was huge though so you didn't need to worry about farting, you could totally fart out loud while crop dusting and nobody would know due to the loud echoing and the drafty type layout of the place, so that part was good. Holding in date farts sucks. Literally.

We slow danced and I probably had a boner because when I was in high school I always got a boner slow dancing. I wasn't the type to rub it on your leg or anything though, I mean if you wanted to rub your leg on my boner, that was entirely up to you, I mean, I'm not about ready to just keep moving my boner leg away from your leg if you keep trying to touch it, I'm mean if you want to chase my boner leg around with your leg, that's cool and everything but that's just gonna make us end up turning in circles too much and too fast and we'll end up looking like complete idiots. YOU WANT MY BONER ON YOUR LEG? FINE. HERE. HAPPY?

Anyway, we didn't even make out. I was too chicken or Mormon or something, besides, she was old enough to be my grandma.

My hair looked like a comb over. I was a New Waver.

I haven't the slightest idea what ever happened to that chick. Wouldn't it be cool if she ended up working in a cookie factory or like a place where they sew extra useless fat people skin into pillows or hand bags or slippers or something? Yeah, that'd be rad.

That's all for now.
Don't get caught chasing your own boner leg with your other leg or your shoulder or something.
Your Break Dance Consultant To The President,
Bruce Lee

Oh yeah, I'm trying out this new third party software app that claims to be able to filter out IPs, it's all PHP based and I installed it on my server myself so I don't know if it's gonna work, but the idea is that it routes all the comments through my server and anything designated blocked gets thrown out and I don't ever even get it and neither does blogger. It is supposed to block by region as well and it is permission based. Right now I have certain parts of Texas blocked, so if you are a nice person and I have blocked you without meaning to I am sorry but if you can figure out how to email me, I can unblock your specific IP.

Anyway comments are back on provided this thing works.