Born Too Tall

I was just sitting there, having a whiskey coke, minding my own business, thinking about the overall fluffiness of my head, when this young, 6 foot tall, purebred model type woman sits down next to me and makes some flattering remark about my photography. I say thanks and what not and then proceed onward into the core of my being, you know, making poop and pee jokes, racist remarks, a quip or two about jews, arabs and cancer, --- the kinda stuff of which most normal girls cannot get enough. Anyway, she was doing a half decent job holding back the gigantic guffaws that normally accompany my hilarity and instead made attempts to talk about the smart books she was reading and the story of how her father should have been first chair cellist but was second chair due to being a "rebel".

By this reaction, I could tell that she was a recent transplant to this city and also that she must be about 21 years old for they are basically the only group of know-it-all SAINTS still clinging to politically correct humor (which is of course an oxymoron of double gulp proportions). She even worked in a forced sneer or two when I made some passing remark about punching an infant in the face. L -- ame.

"Dude, what's your problem? I'm being seriously funny here and you are making faces like a 19 year old midwestern girl. I can tell you are holding back laughs and it's GAY"

"Well I would laugh if you actually said something funny, I just don't think racism and discrimination is funny."

"Because you HATE niggers."

"HAAA ha ha ha ha hAH hoo hee, OK that was kinda funny, but seriously, discrimination isn't funny, not even in jokes. In fact I was the victim of discrimination just this week and let me tell you, it's NOT funny."

"OK this I gotta hear, how were YOU, a six foot tall white runway model, the VICTIM of discrimination?"

"Well, I was at this bar down the street and this oldish man comes up to me and says: "Damn you are TALL, I'm gonna have to buy YOU a DRINK!" and I'm like: That is TOTAL discrimination based on my tallness, why should I get a drink just because I was born tall? THAT'S DISCRIMINATION"

"You were born tall?"

"Yeah" she said with a pout.

Brothers and Sisters of the congregation, this is a TRUE STORY. Why do I tell it? What is my sermon? Well, my message is simple:

You either MAKE jokes, or you ARE the joke.

Nobody laughs AT someone who is laughing, we laugh at that stupid serious look on your face when you say the dumbest shit imaginable. STOP IT.

When you finally embrace how completely useless you are to the rest of humanity in your pitiful attempt to stamp out humor OF ANY KIND, and instead just laugh at funny shit, you might not feel so compelled say the stupidest shit ever.

So basically, the moral of the story is: Saw your legs off and feed them to starving Africans and stop picking on Brad and Angelina.

That shit hurts you know.

Now this:

Nicola - Sky Cam

Nicola - Sofa

BTW, before any of you dickheads says some lame shit like "Maybe you juat weren't being funny dude", I already thought of that and it's impossible.

That's all for now.
Don't get caught looking down on midgets.
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Allman Iggis