From Rancid Ham, Pâté de Foie Gras!!

Look at you sitting there.... no pants .... with a grilled cheese sandwich resting one billimeter from that scab on your pasty thigh. Thank Santa nobody can see you right now because the way you keep scratching and sniffing every unmentionable knob and dimple on that goosack you call a body would surely send your average person into a fit of dry heaves.

Yeah, it's a good thing nobody can see you.

Cept me.

I can see you.

Oh, not in the literal way, thank Harold P. Krishna, but in that certain OTHER way, like how one sees a pack of two week old greenish gray pork chops and still dreams that maybe there is a way to cook the stank out of them ..... kinda way.

I can see you like a person who really doesn't give a crap about you sees you.

Yes, you most certainly ARE a greenish-gray month old pork chop that has gone bad. For reals. I can smell you from here.

But lucky you. I have a whole sack of magic recipes, recipes that, like I mentioned a few lines up, will show you how to stew, boil, braise, grill, fry and bake your own reesty stank right on out. Recipes in which you'll toss yourself with a few pungent sauces, some lime juice, and maybe a whole load of MSG allowing you to plop your hammy ass right smack down in the middle of a gigantic white plate where you will be able to dribble yourself with pretentious relishes and smugly serve yourself as an exotic delicacy from some mysterious land, to a whole table of your equally rancid, comparatively gullible, gourmet gobbling pals.

Help is here.

As of next week, you will be able to tune in to this here spot in the innernet every sunday and together, we (meaning me telling you what to do and you doing it without arguing), will put a halt to this mere exisistence as the rotting hunk of moldy flesh you've become. We ---- will bring forth your inner goose liver paté to serve to your dumb friends.

Sermon style.

Look, if your friends are gonna dry heave, it may as well be because they are uncultured and just don't appreciate fine cooking right?

Right.

You can't wait. I can feel it.

BTW You can forget what I said about foie gras, that shit is disgusting, we'll actually be making a bunch of nachos.

FANTASTIC.

Now for a pretty lady.

Kira - SkyCam

Kira - Sofa

That's all for now.
Don't get caught wrapping baloney on your hot dog!
Your Marvelous Master Chef,
Beavis