If You Don't Want Me to Pee On You, Don't Hide in The Bushes.
Yeah, blending in has it's advantages, especially if you're up to no good.
As for me, I think blending in is for pussies.
I don't remember 99% of the people I meet and it's because they aren't memorable. I used to get embarrassed and mad at myself for not remembering people when they clearly remembered me, but for about the last 10 years I have directed that tepid anger towards the schlubbs who act like I SHOULD remember them when there is really no demonstrable reason that ANYONE should.
I'll use an example from nearly 15 years ago.
It was in Utah where I was a concert promoter always throwin parties for the kids. I was standing around being all rad, just keeping the party organized and fun for all in attendance when this girl comes up to me and punches me in the arm -- pretty hard.
"You. are. such. a. JERK!" She nasaled.
"Ow -- huh? Why?"
"I have met you at LEAST a dozen times and you NEVER remember me."
Still throbbing from her punching me in the arm pretty hard, and having grown completely sick of this crud happening way too fucking much, I grabbed her by the arm pretty hard and pulled her over to the full ceiling to floor mirror about ten feet away.
"Look at yourself, do you see anything memorable about what you see there? Shirt -- Ross. Pants -- Chandler. Hair -- Monica. Shoes -- Joey. You're not even copying the right SEX. You are the poster child for suburban camoflauge." Her face grew longer by the second. "See that psychobilly dude over there with all the tattoos? I never met him but I remember HIM, see that girl over there with that ridiculous dress and yellow purse? I don't know her either but I see her everywhere. Your goal so far in life has been to BLEND IN --- congratulations, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! For fucks sake I just about forgot about you JUST NOW even though we have been talking for 2 minutes and YOU CALLED ME A JERK AND PUNCHED ME IN THE ARM PRETTY HARD. Of course now, I MIGHT remember you as the boring, normal looking jerk chick who punched me in the arm pretty hard. How rad for you."
Anyway, she almost cried, but I didn't feel bad because she punched me in the arm pretty hard.
But here's the best part of the story; next time I saw her, she was, no joke, dressed head to toe in a skin tight red leather jumpsuit with white shoes.
I have impact dood.
So yeah, I'm not a dick, because here's the the other best part of the story; that chick ended up sleeping with all of my very limited group of dude friends, I believe she was trying to get back at me.
Anyway, blend in if ya wanna, stand in line, shop at the mall, I don't give half a fuck, just don't punch me in the arm pretty hard about it. That's all.
Amen.
Now for this girl:
That's all for now.
Don't get caught acting like you weren't slightly pissed that she fucked your friends instead of you when you were the one who did all the work to get her all slutty like that and you KNOW that she was really wanting to fuck you anyway and your friends were just the next best things.
Your Fifth Grade Math Teacher,
Porn
