How to Win:
Invent the game.
That's all I really had to say, no sense in reading any further.
OH KAAAAYYYYuh....
For example:
Tonight I stopped off to get some pizza. I get pizza all the time. When I get pizza on the way home, I take the slightly longer route, rather that the uphill route because walking uphill eating a hot slice of pizza doesn't even make sense to a total retard. Ok, retards do lots of dumb bullcrap -- I once saw a retarded boy poop in a rotating dryer at the laundr-o-mat. Okay that's a lie but you get the point.
Anyway, over the years I have really honed in and timed my pace to match the speed of my pizza consumption (junction what's your function)... Every once in a while, Dilemna crams it's wrinkled balls in my bum crack and my eyes get wide and I have to THINK. Tonight that happend. It was some saggy drawered gay hip hopper who was walking too fucking slow. The idea of tailgating a hip hop homo-zizzle probably appeals to 99% percent of the people who read this gay fucking blog but it doesn't appeal to me.
I was just about to round the corner that represents the midway point between the pizza station and home when it dawned on me that this gaybob was fucking with my step too much and in all likely hood would really screw up the whole deal if I didn't either take him out with hot pepperonis slabbed on his eyeballs or something else that would... --- shut up -- you know what I'm saying.
So there I was, walking, eating pizza and trying to win. Was I gonna do a little quick step and pass him at the peeing dog garbage can situation? Or was I gonna wait for the intersection and fuck the shit out of his turtle pace all rabbit style in the crosswalk? (Ok, That didn't sound right.)
ANYWAAAAY, here is why you like me. I'm not kidding.
Instead of all that bulloney, I Just made a completely genius decision that comes totally naturally to me: I stopped dead in my tracks, leaned up against the wall of one of the most beautiful victorians in San Francisco and I enjoyed four bites of pizza which was the perfect amount of time to let that homey homo fairy twinkle his way out in front of me enough to allow me to enjoy the rest of my pizza walk in gad dermng peace.
You see, the contest in life -- the REAL one --- is to get what you WANT.
I didn't want to be sweaty.
I did't want to do that walk that race walkers do that make them look like rubber legged gay retarded robots.
What I wanted to do was enjoy my pizza completely as I enjoyed a leisurely stroll through one of the most beautiful neighborhoods on earth.
So that's what I did.
I won.
The End
Now this Eva:
That's all for now.
Don't get caught --- no YOU don't get caught.
Your Secretary of Defensiveness,
No **I** Killed JonBenet
.
