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December 21, 2006

Mrs. LegBoobs Rubbed Her Nipple on My Eyelid When I Was Only 5

You know I'm sick and tired of everybody flapping their pie holes on and on yammering about the sexual misgivings and improprieties of their childhoods;

"Uncle Ballface thonked his boner on my shoulder when I was only 6"

"7-11 Gary made me put mustard on his Big Dog when I was only 9"

"Mrs. Legboobs rubbed her nipple on my eyelid when I was only 5."

Yeah yeah yeah, blah blah blah blah blah, STOP BRAGGING!!

It's sooo insensitive, you know many of us had to endure our entire childhoods with no boner thonking or eyelid nipple rubbing or NUTHIN! It ain't fair. When I scan my childhood trying to come up with an awesome "inappropriate" sex story, the best that I can come up with is some mediocre story about a well intentioned babysitter who proposed some interesting ideas at bath time.

So yeah, I don't know what is considered the appropriate cut off age for a brother and sister to stop taking baths together, but this babysitter story took place when when I was 14 and my sister was 16.... ---- -- YOU WISH. I was actually 4 and she was 6, but the story would have been way better the other way.

EHNEEEWAYS, right, Sheriff Stepdad number one had just been caught with a pipe in his brief case or something TERRIBLE and Mormon Mom had just sent him packing and was working hard selling cosmetics to support her four children, (2 from Sheriff Stepdad and 2 from Original Dad) as far as I can recall, this was the most babysittery time of all my childhood. Like seriously, babysitters all over the place, short ones, tall ones, black ones, freckled ones, big dudes with scratchy mustaches, old ladies with long wobbly boobs etc.. -- ok that's a lie, we hardly ever had babysitters, in fact this is the only one I remember, but I remember her perfectly.

She was an older woman of at least 12 years of age, She had long red hair and black rimmed glasses, wore a western shirt with golden threads woven throughout and the way it was buttoned exposed the soft upper boob part of her fully developed boobies... -- OK that's all a lie too, I really don't remember what she looked like or really anything about her but I do remember that as my sister and I got out of the tub and were drip drying with our towels draped over our heads, Big Idea Babysitter suggested that I put my "weenie" in my sisters "front bum".

"Huh? like in her peehole? Eeewwww."

"Yeah it's fun" she said.

All I could think about was how incredibly small my own peehole was and since I figgered my sister just had basically the same equipment only recoiled up in her front bum and way smaller, the idea seemed completely impossible -- I mean how could a weener fit into a peehole? I mean think about it -- visualise it -- NO WAY CAN A WEENER FIT INTO A PEEHOLE!

Well, too bad for all of you, we didn't try it -- and that was the end of that.

Except for now I am going to google stretched out peeholes and I bet I'll find a website where dudes stretch out their peeholes enough so that other dudes can put their weeners in it.

Dude's like that probably have TONS of cool stories about "inappropriate" sex in their childhoods.


Now Marina;

That's all for now,
Don't get caught lingering -- because I hate that word.
Your Box of Chocolates,

Blogger poopee shmoopee is a gaywad.

i remember when my brother was 3 and i was 6, and he pulled down our baby sitter's tube top in front of, like, 5 other people. he is now 29 and his current girlfriend has some of the largest natural breasts i've ever seen. and i've got d-cups!


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