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June 28, 2006

This About Sums It All Up

That's all for now.
Don't get caught blaspheeming a femur or lemur a spleen or a blaph or a spleef,
Your Tiny Little Friend,
Tyra SlutWhore Banks

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June 04, 2006

You NEED Me. You Won't Be Fine Without Me. Thank The Baby Jesus You Met Me.

Now here's my advice:

Don't ever vomit forth the following sentence:

"I would do ANYTHING for you."

Because if you do, you are either:

a. a complete fucking LIAR who has selfish motives and who will be revealed as such the second that the gullible douchewad you are addressing asks you to pay their mortgage, mangle your hoohee with rusted garden shears, or shoot the president's mom.

or you are:

b. a really fucking scary hairhole who actually means it but can't EVEN afford to pay the mortgage, has a diseased and defective hoohee that needs special rusted garden shear attention anyway, and after shooting the president's mom, returns to the trailer of the unfortunate object of your obsession only to stab them in the face four billion times, stuffing them in the fridge, following it all up by committing suicide by cop fourteen times while slathered in the gelatinous, coagulated blood of the local ten year old neighbor boy.

Nobody likes either of those types of people. SO CHANGE YOUR WAYS!

You're welcome.

Now it's time for cool dames.

That's all for now.
Don't get caught whispering nasty things to the fish tank.
Your Favorite Lesbian Girl's Gym Instructor,
Henry Rollins

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