We're All Just Asian's on The Highway of Life
You aren't what you eat, you're how you drive.
If you throw a purple tantrum because the guy in front of you is going too fucking god damn slow, and if you crap your one of a kind vintage pants and your ears bleed because the lady behind you is coming up too fucking close for chrissakes, and if you curse the negroes as you get your royal robe snagged on the door as you leave your car, hazards on, in the middle of the road or at a bus stop so you can just hurry up and run in to fetch your Starbucks Double-Pee-Stink-HUGE-Times-Fifty (GO AROUND ASSHOLE!!), and if you scream and yell at the top of your I'm-not-a-smoker-blackened lungs because somebody didn't read your mind about the left turn you just now decided to make, and if you don't mind having three or four Makers on the rocks and peeling off down the road with the fifth or sixth one tucked next to your dick, and if you roll your eyes and let out big moaney sighs when when somebody points out a parking spot for you because it offends his highness' delusion about a perfect record for the ability to hone in on "rock star parking ....
You get the point.
For some it just doesn't even seem to occur that the guy in front of them might just enjoy going the speed limit, or maybe he is distracted because he just fell in love or he just found out his mother has boob cancer. For some, it just doesn't occur that the woman tailgating behind might be in a real hurry because she has a major case of the squirts, or she might even just be asian.
You're the center of the fucking universe aren't you.
Do you get the point? I don't think you do. It doesn't matter anyway because I'm kinda thinking that people just are the way they are and no amount of reason or helpful prodding will ever change them -- you know, like maybe we are all asians, driving like idiots, on the highway of life.
Anyway, it's just that I have never met a person that surprised me with the way they drive, nor have I found a better way to sum up the entirety of a fellow human.
So remember, while you are waving that finger out the window acting all tough and giving the world a real one two, the rest of us are enjoying a nice drive thinking you are a dick.
BTW, I have a lemon yellow 1982 Cadillac Eldorado with buttery yellow leather seats with only 20,000 miles on it that hasn't moved an inch for over a year. It's parked in my garage gaining value -- but when I did drive it, it was slow and low with my arm out the window doing airplane loopdeeloops through Golden Gate park in the late afternoon.
I know. -- I'm rad.
Now for nelly:
That's all for now.
Don't get caught driving really slow right on up two inches behind a cracked out homeless dude wandering though the streets and blasting your horn sending him jumping 40 feet into the air with a just pooped-my-pants look on his face and continuing to giggle about that face for years and years to come,
Your Drivers Ed Teacher,
That Dude Who Makes The "You Might Be a Redneck..."Jokes.)