This Blog Post is Not About O.J. Simpsons Awesome New Book That Just Got Banned By Al Gore
"Kramer, what a pussy."
"He called those two black dudes niggers...."
"Yeah, that's really hitting below the belt mann"
"...I wasn't finished, and then he got all gay and apologized."
"He's a pussy because he apologized?"
"Yes duh, but then again, the apology makes the black dudes look super homo so that's kinda funny I guess."
"How does apologizing make the black dudes look gay?"
"Are you a retard?"
"Dude, that's not cool, you know I have a retarded sister."
"Does she cry when you call her a retard?"
"I don't call her a retard."
"Why not? Are you a pussy?"
"Dude, not calling my retarded sister a retard does not make me a pussy."
"Yeah, being a pussy makes you a pussy, anyway, would she cry if you called her a retard?"
"So in other words, those black dudes are bigger pussies than your retarded sister."
"Dude, you're totally off track, how did this turn into this being about my retarded sister and those black dudes being pussies?"
"Kramer is the one who called them pussies, not me."
"No Kramer called them niggers, you called them pussies."
"He called them pussies when he apologized."
"No he didn't I watched it on Letterman...--- OW! YOU DICK! Why did you just chop me in the adams apple?"
"Sorry, you were pissing me off. Also, I was planning that this whole time."
"You were planning on chopping my adams apple?"
"Yes but only to make a point -- oh yeah plus you are an ugly nigger faggot."
"Wow, you are seriously screwed up."
"Anyway, point is, even though you're a fairly unattractive homosexual black man, the fact that I called you an ugly nigger faggot probably didn't hurt as much as me chopping you in the adams apple right?"
"Well I would have preferred that you did neither, but to answer your question, the "ugly nigger faggot" part will probably sting a little longer than the adams apple chopping because it hurts my heart and affects my self esteem and honestly makes me want to cry because it hits too close to home -- you know?."
"So would it be safe to say that any black dude who gets all sad about being called a nigger is really no different than an ugly crybaby faggot?"
"No but it would be safe to say that Kramer was totally looking concentration campey -- holy crap, what was up with his hair? Does he have cancer or something? --HELL -OH -- I think somebody has AIDS"
"Ha ha, high-uh five-uh."
"Dude, don't borat me, it's not funny when you do it."
"You're right, sorry."
Now for Vanessa;
That's all for now.
Don't get caught making up an imaginary, sarcastic, thick skinned, homosexual, black best friend so you come off looking super open-minded and urban and whatever.
Your Left Earring,