6 Things I Learned In The Summer of 1979 Making 100 8mm Movies With My Best Friend Brent Sommerfield
1.While gasoline may be good for melting model airplanes, it makes it impossible to hold it with your hand to make it pretend fly because the melting liquid plastic burns like fuck and the toxic black smoke sticks to your nose holes.
2. While the scraped off sparkler junk from sparklers seems like it would kick ass for blowing up model cars, It's really more just a flash fire followed by black smoke melty business and it's really hard to light.
3. While it would seem that filling Barbie dolls with red paint and then stabbing them with steak knives would yeild an awesomely realistic squirt effect, it's really more like a nap inducing ooze that looks like red paint.
4. While peed on stuffed animals is a cool idea and everything, if you don't have the camera ready to go when the actor begins to pee, the pee runs out fast and squirt bottles filled with lemonade ain't the same cuz you can't see the stream leave the peehole which is like totally essential if you want the critics to give a shit.
5. While Flaming model trains are slightly less snoresville than non flaming ones, at least the non-flamers don't stop working in like 5 minutes.
6. While Brent Sommerfield's dad talks a big game about developing the film and having a neighborhood movie party in the back yard, he is totally full of shit. You'll never see one inch of your genius film, which is fine because the movie in your head is way better anyway.
Thats all for now,
Don't get caught drawing eyeballs on that little knobby neck-stump and telling your sister that Barbie now looks exactly like her.
Your Big Huge Freaking Surprise,
Anna Nicole Smith
