111??? - The Infomercial

"Hey merkley???, What is todays date?

"11-11"

"What time is it?"

"11:11"

"I heard you're making a book of a bunch of your lady friends naked with their favorite shoes on sofas, just how many nude lady pals are in it?"

"111"

"When is it coming out?"

"1-11"

"You mean January 11th right? Where is the release party gonna be?

"111 minna gallery."

"What time?"

"11pm"

"Word is that you decided to publish the book yourself because you don't know how to read contracts and are afraid of book stores and libraries and getting porked by book business buttholes and that you'd instead rather print a super duper limited edition of them on your own so that you can make them big and heavy (11x14, 222 thick pages) and sign and number them like rare and collectable pieces of art that will most likely sell out lickety split and then you can wipe your hands of the whole deal and move forward into the sunrise while leaving your nice customers with a purchase that will certainly only grow in value from day one and within a few months each copy will be worth a million bucks OR MORE. Just how rare will they be? Exactly how many copies are you making?

"1111."

"Wow, that's rare indeed. When you discount the 111 copies given to the 111 women in the book, and the free ones you'll probably hand out to cripples and political figures there will be less than 1000 for sale. That ain't SHIT, that's less than 10 copies per naked girl in the book. That'll barely covers each woman's uncles and myspace stalkers. You must be some kind of fucking SAINT. How much will each one cost?"

"$111."

"That's INSANE, cruddy coffee table books at Burns and Nobble cost more that that and they aren't even SIGNED and NUMBERED MAN! What are you gonna call the book?

"111???."

"Well shit damn hell, we better hurry up and make our orders pre-release style or we're gonna be sorry, how can we do that?"

"Click this paypal button."

"Great. I did it. When do I get my book, ummm I mean "valuable piece of art?"

"Orders will be shipped on 1-11-08"

"Oh yeah, who is on the cover?"

"Jenny."


"Is that photoshopped in cat gonna be on the cover too?"

"Nope."

"May we see some more photos from the book?"

"Sure, Here's 11 more even though you can just see them in the "111???" set on my flickr."

That's all for now.
Don't get caught pretending to be interviewed by your dog.
Your 111th Favorite Numerologist,
Miss Cleo