30 Years of Missing Gay Packed Into One Evening in Vegas, Fruit Striped Sinking Zambonis & The Reign of Fake Rolex Beard

I went to Las Vegas to visit a an old friend of mine who came out of the closet when he was 30. I suppose staying in the closet so long is why he never learned how to be a fashion homo. He was dressed as a raver circa 1995 which would be cool if he was intentionally going for that look but I think he was just doing his best to look gay and current, gay he looked, current he did not. He had big baggy rave pants and curly pink hair. I think I may have even spotted a glow stick in his pocket -- and that's a rave joke, not a homo joke. More in the overcorrection due to lost time department, he has amassed quite a gigantic shoe collection all properly displayed in tiny square box shelves in many rooms -- thousands of pairs of shoes and I could hardly find a pair I would rock.

There were some pointy denim cowboy boots I had my eye on. Yeah, gay.

Also he took forever getting ready, he tried on at least 50 outfits. I mean come on, that's TOO gay.

In the basement he had a big fire pit with a foot operated bellow system to really get the flames going -- foot operated probably to show off his shoes, bellow because something about flamer this or flamer that -- you make the joke.

When we went to the ice rink (super size the gay please), I had fun watching the Zambonis sink into the ice. they didn't have their shit together. i went out on the ice to get in the way and I pulled up huge sheets of ice to see what the trouble was -- I spotted the trouble immediately, it seems they were making the ice out of layers of super clear kool-aid -- the whole rink was a giant popsicle swimming pool. Maybe that was all part of the show, I don't know, I didn't read the program.

My beard was super huge yesterday -- like way curly like a pirates beard -- thicker than normal, curly nearly to the point of seeming dreadlocky - I put a bunch of my fake rolexes in my beard to take advantage of it's new super grippyness -- who else rocks a beard full of fake rolexes? Answer, nobody -- I am super original, which is why the girls and gays love the fuck out of me and don't you forget it young lady.

Now PStarr:

PStarr - Sofa

GET OUT! A BOOK??? CLICK, THIS RAYMOND!!

That's all for now.
Don't get caught licking the delicious fruit stripey flavored ice rink.
Your Favorite Dude Who Sounds Like a Frozen Treat and Has a Job To Match,
Frank J. Zamboni