merkley??? Denies Allegations That He Won't Kick It With "Dudes" Claiming Dykes Meet or Exceed Official Hamburger Odor Quota

Jessie (2:04 am): Youuu should go to CockBlock tomorrow.

Me (2:05 am): Haha I'm not an ACTUAL lesbian. I can't go to ALL the meetings. They will figure it out.

Jessie (2:06 am): Booo! I wonder if the beard will give it away....

Me (2:08 am): Actually, certain dykes get a little upset vibey with my beard... like I'm bragging.

Jessie (2:11 am): I could see that. Well. If you decide you want to come be a lezbo wingman, you are totally invited. I need to scope the scene. This is my weekend to do it. Designated gay weekend.

Me (2:13 am): OK maybe, but don't tell anyone I'm not gay and I won't tell anyone you aren't. Swearsies.

Jessie (2:13 am): Haha. Okay. Shhhhhhhh.

Me (2:17 am): BTW you are my 3rd fave gay temp. Ok 2nd.

Jessie (2:26 am): Yessss! Yay! I'm steppin up!
Jessie (2:27 am): Wait...temp? What's that?

Me (2:37 am): Temporary gay. Don't fret. Many temps get permanent positions if they put in the hours.

Jessie (2:40 am): Yeah...that's what I was thinking. I'm glad I'm on my way to being full time. I'll work hard and won't let you down, boss.

Me (2:42 am): Oh I'm not in charge. Beard too full. But I know bearded lady bosses and they are nice. I will put in a good word.

Jessie (2:45 am): You should do photos of a bunch of hot girls with reaalllly longgg beards!

Me (2:48 am): Ok, yeah I already told you I wanna do a book of macho dykes and femme fags.

Jessie (2:51 am): Nooo you didn't! But the dykes need beards. Or I think it'd be cooler if there were femme lezzies with beards. Really really long ones that spill on the floor! All the way out the door. Triplets with beards. Long bearded triplets.

Me (2:52 am): That's only because you are hasidic. Yay jews!!!

Jessie (2:53 am): Well they need really long curls too then....ohhh jew. Bedtime! I have to meet with my new gay therapist in the morning! Consider tomorrow nightttt.....

Me (2:57 am): as if there is such thing as a non homo therapist. Wait, my dad's a shrink... Hmnnnnnnn...

Jessie (2:58 am): Haha. Really!??! Mine is too! No my therapist is actually a lesbian. A real live lesbian. My psychiatrist suggested I should see someone who "gets what I'm going through" more. So my dad found a dyke for me.

Me (3:04 am): Extra points if she's german jew. Aka "Jewrman"

Jessie (3:04 am): I'm a Jewrman!!!! Hahahahahaaaa! I'm going to call her that tomorrow!

Me (3:05 am): Ok fine, just make sure you tell her about my problems too.

Now Jessie:

Jessie - Sips Squirt Through a Straw In a Musty Basement Between Electric Meters & Damp Laundry With Pork in a Pan, a Lime on a Lid, a Bird on a Bike, a Hose on a Hook & a Bone on Two Bucks as Dilly The Dog Dominates a Fresh Pack of Fig Newtons

YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO KNOW HOW TO READ!

That's all for now.
Don't get caught claiming "Dudes Night Out" when you're really just hitting the dyke bars with your lesbo buddies aka LesBuds™.
Your Favorite Beard,
Literally a Beard