My Mother's London Based Daniel Boone Wedding Reception Center, The Burglar Who Looked Sharp In My Stolen Suit & Pilots are Stuck UP
My mom is now running a wedding reception center in London. It's the same place where a big rockstar friend got married and I had to spend her whole wedding day in her bridal chambers documenting it all.
Too much estrogen. My balls shrank to microscopic levels.
My mom didn't own it then, nor did she own it when I got married there way back when. She has become quite an avid art collector having commissioned a whole room of paintings that looked like old Daniel Boone postcards. In each painting there were at least three bearded men, one of which was an obvious likeness of me. At first glance you'd think I'd be flattered, but that's just because you don't know my mom. Those painting are her way of trying to explain to the world that there are famous men with beards, it's the only way she can deal with her shame, you know, by trying to validate my existence though the accomplishments of beard-os past.
Ew, marriage. Why do the gays want it so much? It's as if they are demanding entrance to a leper colony, you know, just cuz it's exclusive.
Equality does require equal stupidity I suppose.
Speaking of gays, I don't know why I always feel so compelled to drag some gays out of the closet. I get really annoyed with closet gays. They aren't helping anything. I called out half my Mormon mom's staff.
And then we got robbed. One of the robbers was wearing one of my favorite suits. Guess he stole it. I would have been pissed but I have to admit he did look sharp.
Anyway, I snuck out of the robbery and made my way to the old wedding breakfast nook where I snacked on fish, hot dogs, trail mix and donuts.
At the airport coming home I ran into one of my best friends from high school. Apparently I did something to make him think I'm an asshole because he had no interest in talking to me and was obviously pissed. Or maybe that's just they way pilots act.
Nevertheless my feelings were hurt.
Glad to be back from London.
You gotta fight 4 your right 2 B RETAAAARRRDED!
Natalie - Sofa
In celebration of todays date 11/11, I will be giving the next 11 People who buy my book a randomly selected signed limited edition 18x24 print of one of the girls in the book. It will be a complete surprise which one you will receive. I'll even pay shipping for the print. The prints sold at the show for $111 bucks each so it's totes like a 2fer.
That's all for now,
Don't get caught doing a Naked Lady Sale on Vetrans Day.
Your Assistant Manager In Charge of So Much Important Stuff You Can't Even Believe It,
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