The Underpants & Socks Floor Slide Party, Taze Me Not Amigos, & The Greatest Chase Story Never Told

I cleared out all the furniture in my house and shined up the floors. I had company over so I got down to my underpants and socks and started a slippery-socks slide-a-thon. I don't know why this has never made it as an actual olympic sport. Who the fuck needs SKATES when slippery socks and a shiny floor is just as fun if not more? Anyway, I had to coax them all a bit but eventually we were all in our underpants sliding around on the slippery floor. One girl had sweaty feet which doesn't work so well for slipperyness so I cut out a piece of plastic the size of the bottom of her foot as a sweat barrier. That took care of that.

We all ended up leaving the house in our underpants. I somehow lost track of the group, maybe they ditched me. I doubt it though. I started feeling a bit underdressed. I came upon one of our many mexican cowboy clothing outlets but I couldn't find the door. The only one I could see was up a ten foot ladder which I quickly scaled only to find that it wasn't a door at all. Someone below spotted me and rushed to report me as a vandal. Less than 20 second later there was a team of Mexican security guard waiting for me as I descended.

"Hey don't taze me guys. I'm just trying to find the front door to buy some pants and new socks cuz I wore mine out sliding around on my newly waxed floors with a bunch of girls in their underpants, which is why I'm in MY underpants."

They weren't believing me. I could hardly blame them. Sounded like a big lie. The truth often does.

Anyway, they were circling the wagons like I was a crazy person and before I knew it there were no fewer than 50 men and women with tazers coming after me. I'd tell you the whole long story of how I eventually escaped after beating the crap out of at least ten of them but I realize that highly suspenseful chase scenes with adventure, violence and humor around every corner are really boring so I'll spare you.

I will say that I ended up in the midwest in the snow where I hopped onto an olympic rowing team boat and they raced me to safety in a total off season blizzard.

Fun times.

Oh yeah I also rode home back to SF with a family in their homemade convertible van. I can't remember any of their names. Nice people though.

Point is:
Cadillacs will now be manufactured by the United States Government so If I seem suicidal that's why.

Now Kelly Kate:

Kelly Kate - Candy Halo

Oh wait -- my BOOK

That's all for now.
Don't get caught copying Cuba like it's some how a good idea.
Your favorite President whose dick in your mouth is making it hard for people to understand you.
Yeah, THAT guy, HIM.

also, coming soon: LATE NIGHT FEELINGS