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February 27, 2009

I Bought a Van and Then It Got Stolen and Then I Got It Back

and when i got it back... GOOD NEWS!, it came with a FREE METH PIPE!!!,
and a bunch of hooker clothes and ratty makeup bags
and some Stars & Stripes Fruit Punch
and some Mexican toilet paper
and some Teddy Bear cookies
and some Double Stuffed Ravioli
and some Mini 3+2 Cheese Sandwich Crackers (Cheddar Cheese Flavor!!!)

and even though they stole my brand new $1500 Chinese GPS/DVD/USB/OPP stereo system, inside was a completely different $400 American stereo system undoubtedly stolen from some other dickhead. Poor loser.

I also got a few extra tools to start up my own auto-theft stereo/hooker biznizz!! :)

I called the state parole board to find out about the woman who's papers were in the van, turns out she was locked up the same day for something else. I called numbers on her papers and talked to her husband and grandmother both of whom were relieved that she isn't dead. He mentioned her children which was sorta sad. They had no idea where she was.

I might go visit her in jail and interview her about her time living in my van. Take a picture at least.

If i ever do, look for it here : www.aHookerStoleMyVan.com

what else...

Oh yeah, despite having made it 22 years without any dents, the hooker done dented it right in front of the sliding door. Ran into a pole. Crap. Perfect no more.

DON'T GIVE BLOW JOBS WHILE DRIVING ON METH!!!

Anyway, her name was Danielle McKee and her rap sheet is mostly drugs and prostitution, she probably didn't steal the van, but perhaps got it in exchange for a rim job. -- i don't mind publicizing that assumption.

That's what I have been doing, HOW BOUT YOUS GUYS?

But first, Jenny:

That's all for now.
Don't get caught using your blog to warn the hooker who stole your van googling her own name that you installed an alarm just in case she decides she misses it.
Your Hero,
Officer Jesus

FUCK FRANCINE!!:
Anonymous Anonymous is a gaywad.

Aha!
So you are alive after all, good to know.
What breed of van is it? 22 years old makes it late 80's, in which case it was probably ready for a ding. You should give the whole thing a good airing, maybe find somewhere quiet and drive with the windows down & the sliding door open, to flush out the meth fumes. Probably best to do it on a full moon, with a crystal next to you, then throw the crystal into the ocean, that will sort out the messy vibe, for sure.

 

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